To self-isolate from my long term DP

[NervousNellie2]

I live alone and my partner lives with some flatmates. We both live in Tier 4 areas. We've been together for 5 years and the only reason we don't live together is because I bought a house that's halfway through renovation.

In the last lockdown his flatmates were abroad so we were both single person households and formed a support bubble. But now they are back and my partner is also visiting his mum for Christmas (which he shouldn't) so I have decided to self-isolate until Jan when restrictions might be lifted.

I feel really sad because my views on the lockdown are to follow the rules and be careful whereas he and his family are comfortable with breaking the rules and taking the risks. I'm worried that this could end our relationship when we move back in together. I do desperately want to see him but I don't want to risk catching the virus if he is travelling back and forth between his place, mine and his mum's.

AIBU to isolate myself knowing that I will be alone for Christmas and probably throughout early next year and potentially end my relationship?

Definitely not unreasonable. Him breaking rules aside, my DP is staying alone in England whilst I'm back with my kids in my home in Wales. I. January I will return to our shared English home as I work in England during week, returning home each weekend. He doesn't want to visit as it's safer for him alone there. I wouldn't want him too either for same reasons. If schools I. England go online, I won't be returning either until necessary.

If you are his priority, you DP should support your decision. Him breaking the rules adds to your risks of getting unwell, and he certainly shouldn't be annoyed that you factor his recklessness in. His attitude to rules and laws not being compatible with yours might be a problem to your relationship. I know it would mine.

Why would your devid be end of your relationship?

Decision

@wantmorenow

Why would your devid be end of your relationship?

Maybe I am getting too in my feelings with this one, but I worry that in the medium term if he is comfortable with going out more and not following the rules and I'm more cautious, we might just find that we can't live together in a way where we're both comfortable :(

Yanbu OP, however I'd say neither is he. You can't control others actions or reactions, you can only control your own. He's made his choice, now you get to make yours. He may well love you but ultimately his mum is still more important to him than you are, and that's not U either. It's a crappy situation but I think you just have to get on with doing what you think's best.

@arevioletsreallyblue

Yanbu OP, however I'd say neither is he. You can't control others actions or reactions, you can only control your own. He's made his choice, now you get to make yours. He may well love you but ultimately his mum is still more important to him than you are, and that's not U either. It's a crappy situation but I think you just have to get on with doing what you think's best.

Yes, I totally agree - I think he should visit her if that's what they are both comfortable with. I just was getting a creeping feeling that I was overreacting by isolating myself and worried that he/his family would think I'm being silly. But I do feel better now seeing that other families are doing similar arrangements out of necessity.

Are you vulnerable in some way or elderly? Just trying to figure out why you’re choosing to isolate until January...

I don’t think either is unreasonable, it’s your call on what you feel happy with. You can both understand each other’s different priorities - or decide that your values are too different to continue. But - I wouldn’t make any decision when you are feeling emotional now - just sit on it till the NY

After 5 years. I would hope that feelings would be strong enough to survive a few days, weeks or even months apart. We live in weird, unprecedented times. You need to do what works for you. Is his Mum particularly vulnerable that he needs to see her or is it just that he prefers to bubble with her? Doesn't really matter. My DP understands he is not my priority currently but doesn't mean I don't love him, just means he needs me less than my kids. Maybe he feels same about his Mum.

Nowaynothappening Isn't everyone supposed to be isolating as far as possible if in Tiers 4 or Wales, or even anywhere else really.

More we isolate, the more the spread is reduced.

Not if you're a single household @wantmorenow - you can form support bubbles hence the confusion in other replies I'd say

Thanks for all the replies. I've got to a better place with it now and have decided to balance the risk of just seeing my partner once a week and not anyone else. I don't have family or friends close by that I can bubble with, and not seeing anyone until Tier 4 ends (probably Spring) seems extremely difficult. There will be a risk but hopefully will be minimised by only socialising with one other person.

I realise you can form a support bubble but given the state we're in surely only forming one if absolutely necessary is best for all of us.

My DP could come here as a single man but why risk it? It's not essential and just because we can doesn't mean we should. Nothing confusing about that.

To me the guidelines are a minimum standard to reach, I for one will absolutely try and do better than the minimum. I could go shopping lots but I won't, I could see someone on Xmas day but I won't.

NervousNellie2 sounds like a good half-way compromise. Just do what you can within the rules, but only see him if it what you want unless his well being affected. Wish you well.

Thanks @wantmorenow :)