Anxiety over childcare

[eyesbiggerthanstomach]

Posting for traffic.

I am struggling to sleep and feeling physically sick because of anxiety.

I separated from my husband before lockdown. He doesn't do much childcare and this won't change.

My toddler will be turning 3 soon.

I'm a solicitor and during the first lockdown I coped WFH by being at my mum's (who lives 2 hours away) for a month or so to help with toddler but still I needed to come back to my house and I did even struggle as she wasn't (and I didn't expect her to) look after toddler 9-5. It was more just to help if I was on a phone call. I then left my mum's and my work deteriorated faster and I was put on furlough.

Out of sight out of mind and my work started to push me out bringing in a cheaper junior despite me begging to go back to work as nurseries then opened a week after me being put on furlough and having several court hearings and a busy workload.

I looked and found a job in the meantime and got a little payout for sex discrimination.

Anyway full time new job, which is perfect as is local, is due to start soon but I'm so concerned that nursery will close. There is absolutely no way I can work with toddler in the house. I suspect I need to be in the office initially anyway because of training and where will toddler go.

I know this is all very much speculation but I suffer from anxiety and am on medication but I honestly can't cope with the worry of losing this job before I even start. I feel sick all the time. My house is a tip and I find myself going down this road of what ifs and my mind won't stop.

There is an argument a solicitor is a key worker as I carry out family law and go to court but It's not really that clear and at the moment I don't have imminent hearings.

Toddler isn't vulnerable apart from speech delay but he will be if I lose my mind!

Do people think nurseries will close?

If your work in legal services ce ie go to court rather than back office then your a key worker.
I got a letter from my employer confirming my status which I assed on to childcare.

No, i think it is very, very very unlikely that nurseries will close again - perhaps even more than schools closing, nurseries shutting cripples the economy, and that is really all Boris cares about.

Nurseries will not close
I work in a nursery and our company has not closed any of its nurseries at any time this year, in fact we have taken extra children in and provided a holiday club while schools were closed
Op, there are nurseries out there if yours does close. Your local council will be able to provide a list or you can ask in local Facebook groups
I really can’t see nurseries closing, we care for too many vulnerable children and children of people who need to work

1. you should get your employer to confirm your key worker status. You’re in a more fortunate position here than many it will really be ok!
2. you obviously know more about the legalities of this but to what extent can your kid’s dad help? Is he contributing financially?

I'm with a chain nursery and they are not closing (England). A chain nursery in the sure if a gym did close though. Ask around, join a local mom facebook group and ask flat out which ones have closed.

Also, might be worth considering alternative forms of childcare like a childminder as a backup?

Nurseries will not close

They’ve closed in Scotland until at least 18 January- I wouldn’t dismiss it as a possibility.

Depends where they are. My nursery in Scotland has just closed til mid Jan. why can’t your mum look after your toddler 9to5 if it’s only for a few weeks ? Is she not fit? How old is she?

You should be able to get a key worker nursery place, can you organise proof of that now so it’s sorted. To ease your anxiety could your mum help out PT again for a month as a back up back up?

Sorry you’ve had a rough year. Sounds like you need more support. Can you get a cleaner? Insist your ex takes your 3 year old for a weekend once a month? Move closer to your mum for the next few years?

@LouiseTrees

Depends where they are. My nursery in Scotland has just closed til mid Jan. why can’t your mum look after your toddler 9to5 if it’s only for a few weeks ? Is she not fit? How old is she?

It's such an ask. So I would wake up early at her house, get the toddler ready and give him breakfast. Often she wasn't showered and hadn't had her coffee by 9am. Then even if she was, she has her own house to run and errands and toddler needs constant supervision. He is running up and down the stairs, throwing things. If I worked in the dining room, he would be banging on the door calling my name. My mum would try to move him away but he is going through that screaming tantrum phase. If it was a childminder say I could give more orders and be firmer but it's my mum doing me a favour. I can't tell her to wake up earlier or not do X and Y. It's not her responsibility. It's also awkward if I'm sat down in the house and she is dealing with a toddler who wants a poo. I can't explain it it's just not her responsibility She was more of a help in the sense I didn't have to cook or clean or wash clothes and she did all of that.

@partyatthepalace

You should be able to get a key worker nursery place, can you organise proof of that now so it’s sorted. To ease your anxiety could your mum help out PT again for a month as a back up back up?

Sorry you’ve had a rough year. Sounds like you need more support. Can you get a cleaner? Insist your ex takes your 3 year old for a weekend once a month? Move closer to your mum for the next few years?

Thanks. Ex is pretty unhelpful. Any contact he has at the moment is supervised by me because he says he can't cope. It's not a case of him pretending but there has been situations in the past where I have left toddler with him and there have been serious safety/neglect issues. There was a thread on here about a partner who said he couldn't cope and kept ringing the mum who was at work. This is fairly similar.

Sorry there have been situations, not has. Trying to type with toddler jumping on my back!

@LemonDrizzles

I'm with a chain nursery and they are not closing (England). A chain nursery in the sure if a gym did close though. Ask around, join a local mom facebook group and ask flat out which ones have closed.

Also, might be worth considering alternative forms of childcare like a childminder as a backup?

Thanks. Can childminders work during lockdown?

Those folk saying to get a key worker place, it’s not necessarily that easy where I am there are fairly tight criteria and basically if you have any other option (including the ability to work from home) you won’t get a place.

No, I don't think nurseries will close. But you will manage. We all have found a way (I had a 2 year old and a 7 year old to homeschool through the first lockdown) and a busy full time high level professional job. You will be fine. But no, nurseries will be the very last to close and I don't think primary schools will (or should) close either.