AIBU to expect nursery to do more about biting child?

[Willow201302]

One child at 3 y/o DC’s nursery is constantly hurting the other children, including DC who has come home with several bite marks, marks from being hit and pushed etc.

We have raised concerns both in person and via email, and the staff have explained that they are aware of the child’s behaviour and are trying to manage it. But yet again today DC has a red mark on their cheek from being hit

AIBU to expect the nursery to do something to manage this? I understand they often go through biting/hitting phases, but over the last 2 weeks there have been 4 occasions where DC has been hurt by this child now. I am considering pulling them out of the nursery.

I'd leave it until after Christmas - the break may just break some habits, it's probably an (unwelcome) phase. If it's still a problem in the New Year I'd cause a rumpus, they have a duty of care to your child and they are failing to meet it.

I'd ask the nursery to explain what they are doing to ensure your child is not injured again by this child. An occasional incident is expected, but one persistent little menace can make a lot of other little souls very unhappy and hating every day at nursery, and that's not fair. Keep asking and keep escalating until you see effective processes being put in place to teach the biter why it's not appropriate, to resolve whatever is causing the incidents, or to put better controls around the biter so they can't get at the ones they target; whichever is judged most effective for that child.

I have been in this exact same position. 3 yo DD was coming home daily with bite marks from 3yo boy at nursery. The teacher was at her wits end, the child would just lash out at dd and other children if they wouldn't play with him or play the game he wanted.

The nursery handled it brilliantly though, probably a bit unorthodox. The teacher called a meeting with myself and the other childs parents. We sat down and discussed what we can do. The mother was mortified and so apologetic and said she has tried everything to get him to stop. As had the teacher. But at least I was reassured both teacher and parents were actively trying to deal with it.
The mother then suggested that if he did it to dd again, she would totally understand if DD turned around and clocked him one. A bit of taste of his own medicine as she had literally no other ideas on how to stop it and talking to him, removing toys from him, telling him off etc hadn't worked.
The teacher obviously said she couldn't advise this but also would understand if DD retaliated. In effect they were both in agreement she should stand up to him and see if that stops him.
So against my better judgement I advised her to do just that and I taught my little 3yo DD how to punch (not hard, but hard enough).
He bit her, she clocked him hard. he cried
Teacher turned a blind eye. Obvisouly comforted crying boy.
Kid stopped biting.
The mother actually sought me out and thanked me and said how relieved she was he had stopped biting everyone.

Before I get flamed DD has NOT grown up to be a thug who hits her friends, she has grown up confident and caring and wouldn't hurt a fly. And I don't condone violence, but sometimes just talking to or telling small children off doesn't work.

I would just like to add, for perspective. This was a while ago. The boy had no SEN issues (they are 18 yo's now). A month after the biting stopping DD went to his birthday party as they were good friends by that point and still remain friends to this day.