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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Regifting...

55 replies

HappyDays10101 · 21/12/2020 22:40

Seriously, just take that shit to the charity shop!

If someone gives you something that you don’t want, and you’re not on the poverty line, just take it to a charity shop rather than pass it on. I have a friend who’s gifts I always have to bin as I just don’t want a dirty candle, or expired skincare, but of course I can’t say so IRL.

OP posts:
TheBabyAteMyBrain · 21/12/2020 22:42

So you're friend actually doesn't like you and can't be arsed...

tiredqueen · 21/12/2020 22:46

You need to say something @HappyDays10101 No point seething over it. She obv thinks you like it otherwise you wouldn't be receiving it every year.

Either tell her in the new year or in November next year about what sort of things you might like as a gift.

Skincare and candles is easy - tell her you have developed an allergy so no skincare and candles make you wheeze so no thank you but a xxxxxx would be nice

Original poster
HappyDays10101 · 21/12/2020 22:47

Yes, @TheBabyAteMyBrain, I think that’s the crux of it. Grin

I had another friend who used to do this (you can always tell), and it bothered me less because she’s a really good person.

OP posts:
tiredqueen · 21/12/2020 22:48

Just to add- my mil does this shit- gladly receives everything and declares how much she loves it. So much so that I've offered her any skincare crap I've received over the years. I actually asked her once if she really would use it or not and she said maybe not 🙄. Wtf.
And then she wonders why she's given shit!

partyatthepalace · 21/12/2020 22:48

My sister does this - I mean she gives proper presents too - but then she gives a bunch of dopey regifted shit like gin scented soap.

Or she used to. Several years of mercilessly taking the piss out of her stopped it. Probably a bit harder to do that to a friend. My sister wasn’t being mean tho, just can’t bear things going to waste.

willstarttomorrow · 21/12/2020 22:56

I was thinking just call people out on it and say the Bayliss and Harding from 2018 needs to be retired. However, unless you are exchanging a £1000 F&M hamper just regift your own tat for the sake of harmony.

Fatladyslim · 21/12/2020 22:56

There's no pleasing some people. Sometimes I regift if I won't use the gift and I think the other person wil like it. Better than giving more tat to charity then purchasing even more. I struggle to get our local charity to accept stuff, they are full to bursting, they just want cash (as I am not holier than thou I won't pretend that I give a donation of cash instead of rebuying gifts. I'm sure someone will be along in a bit who does)

AdultHumanFemale · 21/12/2020 22:56

Hm. I love the idea of re-gifting and second hand gifting from an environmental point of view. We're not big on gifting as a family apart from the DC, so issue doesn't arise often, but DP has gifted me second hand jewellery from a favourite designer, which I love, and I have gifted him a second hand musical instrument as well as a specialist piece of sporting equipment, for instance. Most of DC's birthday and Christmas gifts are usually second hand.

Twobrews · 21/12/2020 23:03

I've recycled unwanted gifts. Only things which are clean in date and something the recipient actually likes.
If If it's something nobody would like then it goes to the school or church fairs.

AfterSchoolWorry · 21/12/2020 23:04

Hmm. I used to work with children. At Christmas I'd get lots of very nice chocolates and bath/body sets and smelly candles/those oil sticks thingys.

The body sets are wasted on me as I have very dry sensitive skin, so I'd usually pass them on if they were brand new, quality and perfect condition. Similar scented candles etc, I have asthma so I can't tolerate them but some people love them.

I couldn't eat the amount of chocolates given. I'd usually supplement any regift with a bottle of wine or similar.

This year I do have a bag with left overs from last year, i literally don't know what to do with a tin box of Bayliss and Harding and scented sticks in a bottle of oil !!! 🤷🏻‍♀️

AfterSchoolWorry · 21/12/2020 23:09

Aha, just checked it. It's a tin of Laura Ashley hand creams. 🤪

BackforGood · 21/12/2020 23:12

I've said YABU as you've asked about re-gifting.
I think there's nothing wrong with re-gifting something you aren't going to use.

That, however, is a different question from your example. Yes, people would BU to give "dirty" candles (not eve sure how that would happen?) or any product that is out of date.

However, if, on their birthday in ovember they were given 3 woolly hat and mitten sets, and they clearly can only wear one at a time, and then they need a gift to give to someone that they might otherwise go out and but a woolly hat and mitten set for, then why wouldn't you re-gift that ?

Original poster
HappyDays10101 · 21/12/2020 23:17

When I say ‘dirty candle’, really I just mean where the box looks a little shop soiled, slightly dented corner, that sort of thing.

OP posts:
stitchy · 21/12/2020 23:27

One Christmas I was re-gifted something that I had given the gift-giver the previous year. Re-gifting is thoughtless at the best of times but that really did add insult to injury.

Original poster
HappyDays10101 · 21/12/2020 23:32

The skincare set I was given yesterday has a sell by date of June 2020, and the toner has pieces of mould in the pipette!

OP posts:
Butchyrestingface · 21/12/2020 23:45

I have a friend who’s gifts I always have to bin as I just don’t want a dirty candle, or expired skincare

Why would anyone shopping at a charity store want these items either?

Original poster
HappyDays10101 · 21/12/2020 23:49

Why would anyone shopping at a charity store want these items either

Good point. But if people gave them to charity shops quickly, they wouldn’t have had time to get manked up in their regifting drawer. Or wherever they keep them.

OP posts:
Twobrews · 21/12/2020 23:56

When I say ‘dirty candle’, really I just mean where the box looks a little shop soiled, slightly dented corner, that sort of thing.
I thought you meant properly dirty, when helping out with PTA we've often had things like candles or gift sets donated as new when they have clearly been sat on a shelf or window sill for years and are faded and covered in dust.

quyip · 22/12/2020 00:14

I was given a book for my birthday from a friend I know regifts. I was touched she had made the effort as it is relevant to what I did my degree in (which happens to be the same degree as her DH). I haven't got round to reading other book yet but DH picked it up to read a couple of weeks ago. He said, oh this is xxxx's book. The people who had given it to her and her DH had written an inscription inside the front cover. Awkward. I love her but I'm hurt that she clearly doesn't think much of me that she would just offload it and pretend she was being thoughtful. I wasn't expecting a present anyway and if she had just said she had been given two copies of the same book I would still have been grateful to receive one but I feel embarrassed at having been duped into thinking she was super thoughtful for buying me a book she knew I would like.

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 22/12/2020 00:22

I’ll offer up unwanted gifts but wouldn’t give them to someone as an actual gift. If friends don’t take them, they go to charity.

Original poster
HappyDays10101 · 22/12/2020 00:30

Yes, it’s like you’ve been taken for a fool!

Also, yes, I am always offering stuff I won’t use to friends (am a big declutterer) but would not try to pass its off as a ‘gift’.

I thought everyone was going to hand my arse to me on a plate - and call me grabby and ungrateful Grin

OP posts:
AccidentallyOnSanta · 22/12/2020 00:37

Meh I got 5 bottles of Prosecco last week. I rarely drink and definitely not Prosecco. I either regifted them or gave them away. Binning them would have been wasteful and ungrateful. At least someone can enjoy them that way.

Poppins2016 · 22/12/2020 00:44

She obv thinks you like it otherwise you wouldn't be receiving it every year

I wouldn't be so sure.

I think there are, broadly, two types of gift givers:

  1. those who put thought into the process and care about giving something the other person will like

  2. those who give to fulfil societal pressure and don't want to put too much time/effort/thought into it. Simply handing over something, anything, is enough for them!

I tend to find re-gifters (at least, the blatant type) sit in the second category. Having said that, I don't actually think there's anything wrong with re-gifting, as long as it's done with thought.

I'm giving my father an old book for Christmas that was originally destined for the charity shop; I'll include a label saying "saw this and thought of you" and it'll be given as a sort of supplemental gift.

stitchy · 22/12/2020 00:44

It's the thought that counts. And with re-gifting the thought is very much - 'that'll do'

Poppins2016 · 22/12/2020 00:47

@AccidentallyOnSanta

Meh I got 5 bottles of Prosecco last week. I rarely drink and definitely not Prosecco. I either regifted them or gave them away. Binning them would have been wasteful and ungrateful. At least someone can enjoy them that way.
I have a relative who hates prosecco and I always get at least one, if not two bottles from them at Christmas. "Here are your actual Christmas presents... and here are my unwanted presents, enjoy" 🤣