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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

How to live with the guilt.

5 replies

Rosepaperblue · 21/12/2020 20:39

A few years ago something terrible happened to one of the people I love most in the world. It was my fault in an accidental sort of "wrong place wrong time" sense. In other words, no intention whatsoever, but had I not been there the bad thing wouldn't have happened.

We are very close and our relationship is unaffected but I can't live with the guilt of it.

Every day I wish I hadn't been there, or hadn't even been born, and I fixate on what I could have done differently. I can be thinking of something completely unrelated and images will flash before my eyes reliving what happened to this person. I find myself praying furiously most nights trying to beg and barter for the chance to rewind the clock. If I miss a night, I'm convinced that I will cause this wonderful person more suffering.

Covid has been a whole new world of fun and I find myself paranoid for no reason that I might be the one to pass it to this person and unintentionally hurt them again. My mind conjurs up all the different ways in which I could cause a further accident and sometimes think I should move to another country and not tell anyone where I've gone so that they can be safe from me.

I obviously never say any of this to the person in question. My guilt is entirely self-indulgent and unhelpful.

For anyone who has experienced something similar, how do you live with it?

OP posts:
MatildaTheCat · 21/12/2020 20:42

I suffered from PTSD after a traumatic event and had similar repetitive and constant thought cycles. I had quite a lot of counselling which was helpful but didn’t really stop these thoughts. Then I had some EMDR treatment which made a LOT of difference.

partyatthepalace · 21/12/2020 20:55

Flowers so sorry to hear this OP.

I have no advice except to say I think it’s normal to find it hard to process something like this - and I think it’s vital to get professional help so you can stop giving yourself a hard time.

Do look after yourself -

Gardeniaofdelights · 21/12/2020 20:58

I’m so sorry OP, that sounds very hard.

It sounds like you might be experiencing some PTSD. Have you ever spoken to a professional about any of this?

ParkheadParadise · 21/12/2020 21:10

I had counselling to deal with my feelings of guilt and grief.

Aahotep · 21/12/2020 21:47

Honestly I think you need professional help, I really feel for you. A friend of mine had EMDR for PTSD and found it really helped her.
Please get help, I'm sure the person involved wouldn't want you to carry on torturing yourself.

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