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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to be upset by this?

20 replies

Greyhound123 · 21/12/2020 19:20

A group of 3 friends of mine all met up for a pre-Christmas meal a couple of weeks ago. We are all ex-colleagues (met as we worked together in an office years ago) and the group consists of my best friend (A), a close friend of mine (B) and a more distant friend of mine (C). They obviously all have their own relationships with each other too.

To give some more context, me and A are extremely close and have been for years - we spend lots of time together, stay over at each other’s houses for the weekend at least once a month, have holidayed multiple times together, spend Christmas with each other’s families, etc. I am obviously also friends with B and C, but am nowhere near as close with them.

Anyway, I wasn’t invited to the meal - my best friend (A) mentioned it in passing when I spoke to her a couple of days later, referring to it as an “impromptu dinner”, but I later heard from one of the others (C) that it had actually been planned via a WhatsApp group chat 3 days before.

The group chat was set-up by A, and B and C were added to it but I wasn’t. A date and location for dinner was being discussed when C sent a message saying, “Is Greyhound not around?” This message was ignored by A and B and because she is not as close to me as they are she just left it as she assumed they already knew that I was busy or couldn’t make it.

Am I being too sensitive by being upset by this?

I have always invited A to literally everything too (including with my other friend groups) which makes it hurt even more.

OP posts:
AlwaysCheddar · 21/12/2020 19:30

Wow, a and b are bitches! Why didn’t they invite you?

MrsHugsxx · 21/12/2020 19:33

Yanbu to be upset by this. It's never nice to be left out intentionally. If I were you I'd just cut them out.

misskick · 21/12/2020 19:35

I think you are far more invested in the friendship with A than she is with you.

AlternativePerspective · 21/12/2020 19:36

They’re not your friends

AlternativePerspective · 21/12/2020 19:39

Apologies hit send too soon. Clearly they don’t view the friendship in the same way you do if they’ve deliberately set up groups to exclude you.

I agree that on the whole friends have the right to socialise without certain other friends but this seems deliberately exclusionary. I would cut them all off, including A.

MiddleClassProblem · 21/12/2020 19:40

Yanbu to feel upset. It’s shit to feel left out and singled out too. It sounds like A didn’t want you there for whatever reason. It might be something like she needed a break from you, it might have been you said/did something that upset her, it maybe something entirely different.

Or it may be that B had the issue and A knew about it.

Regardless, unless they are all super close proximity to each other and you are far away, I’m not sure there is an easy to hear answer coming your way. It’s up to you whether you want to find out or not.

ohmygodshedoes · 21/12/2020 20:07

What I find with this type of behaviour[and most types of shitty behaviour/treatment] is that if you call it [as awkward as that may be] it is all played down/denied and you are made look paranoid so it's a tricky one as if you say nothing you are left with burning resentment. Dammed if you do, dammed if you don't...

LouiseTrees · 21/12/2020 20:28

I think you need to strike up a friendship with C and thank her for remembering you.

Polly111 · 21/12/2020 20:46

I think if A is your best friend you need to ask why she didn’t invite you, otherwise you’re just going to be annoyed.

Otherwise if you want to be really petty invite b and c out without a and see how she likes it

DrManhattan · 21/12/2020 23:31

Depends if you have any big birthdays coming up and they are planning something for you. Might be a stretch? Ask friend A and tell them how you feel. Good luck.

Bananaramapyjamas · 22/12/2020 02:55

YANBU, that’s really shitty! I’d be quite direct I think but not confrontational.

“Friend A, this has been on my mind so I really have to ask. I know you said the dinner was impromptu but I’ve heard that it was planned via WhatsApp several days before. I’m upset I wasn’t included. Have I done anything to offend any of you? I’d really rather know!”

Sinful8 · 22/12/2020 02:58

Would you have gone or would you have said no because of covid?

SnuggyBuggy · 22/12/2020 06:38

Unless there is some obvious logistical reason why this event wouldn't have worked for you I'd be questioning this friendship.

TillyTheTiger · 22/12/2020 06:41

A is your best friend - just ask her!

ivfbeenbusy · 22/12/2020 07:13

Christ just ask them why you weren't invited? If you are so "close" to friend A then you should feel that you can ask her 🤷‍♀️

There are 100s of these threads where the OP just pussy foots around the issue lamenting the friendships instead of just bloody confronting them??

partyatthepalace · 22/12/2020 08:27

That’s crappy, anyone would be upset.

I would check in w A on why that happened, and be clear you found it upsetting without getting upset.

rainbowstardrops · 22/12/2020 08:53

That's really rubbish of A and B.
As you're incredibly close to A (or you thought you were), I'd have to ask her why and tell her how it made you feel.

LovingCountryLife · 22/12/2020 08:56

@ivfbeenbusy

Christ just ask them why you weren't invited? If you are so "close" to friend A then you should feel that you can ask her 🤷‍♀️

There are 100s of these threads where the OP just pussy foots around the issue lamenting the friendships instead of just bloody confronting them??

Calm down the OP is only canvassing opinions !
LovingCountryLife · 22/12/2020 08:57

YANBU. Shitty behaviour. A sounds like a total bitch.

Screwcorona · 22/12/2020 09:00

I dont really get this, I my friends want to do stuff without me I've not really felt this way. If it was constant then I'd ask them why. Is it a one off or has this been a few times? I don't always want to hang out with the same people

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