To just want a break and some peace!!!

[UncleBunclesHouse]

I am really feeling at the end of my tether. I never, ever have a moment where I’m not being pestered and harassed at home. I work more than full time in a stressful job, find it a stress getting general life done to a reasonable standard around it too, got a lovely little bundle of fun toddler who is very full on and bombs round shouting, upending the house and calling me every waking moment he’s at home, dogs are constantly pestering me for a walk, food, playing, got a big old house etc so constant to do list which seems to never end, DH asking where things are, look at this video, read this...it never. Ever. Stops.

I’m pregnant and pretty huge with SPD and I’m so exhausted. Usual tactic of getting wrapped up for big toddler and dog walks is a no go, I can’t walk more than about 20 minutes at once without hobbling for the rest of the day. I’m getting short tempered all the time and being a horrible bag but I just want to go and sit in a very quiet spa hotel or remote log cabin for a week on my own with a book.

I know I know, this is life with a toddler and I know there are people worse off and much bigger problems especially at the moment, I’m lucky to have my job and a healthy child and family, but Jesus Christ I don’t think I can keep going like this for much longer. I’ve been off work for the first day of the Christmas break today and actually I think work days are probably easier as there is more help (eg from the nanny) and less needing to move around.

I don’t even know what I’m asking really, other than does everyone feel like this or am I doing something wrong?!

I don't think you're going to get much sympathy here. You have a child and are pregnant, whilst lots of people struggle to concieve. You have a job in a time of high unemployment and you have a huge house and a nanny in times where personal debt is at its highest and another recession is about to bite on the tail of the last, decade long one. Sounds like you can afford a few days in a spa so why not just do it. The nanny/ your partner can take care of your toddler surely. 🙄

I remember feeling this way when DD was a toddler. Everyone wanted something from me all the time!
It passed but in meantime you need to put some boundaries in place. Tell your DH you need an hour a day to yourself undisturbed or you’ll go batshit and lose your mind.

@Perfect28 I can’t go to anything like that as A. Not open B. I’m trying to stay isolated as much as possible being pregnant. I appreciate what you are saying and highlighted this myself, unfortunately it doesn’t stop the exhausted and overwhelmed feeling though thinking that there are others much much worse off

@Gonkytonk thanks that sounds like a good plan. I’m on my own off work for the next few days but can maybe look to getting a commitment to that for a few days when DH is not working as much (he’s never really off either as self employed)

Wow, Perfect 28. Do you look for people in real life to kick when they are down or do you save being an arsehole just for the internet?

Uncle, you sound exhausted. Tell your DH he is doing a dog walk a day with the toddler so you get some time to rest. I get he is self employed (I am too) bit that doesn't give him the right to neglect family. He should also be doing bed time so you can just sit with a cup of tea and have a rest. You're body is under strain, SPD is no joke, you need a break.

I hear you, sister.

No kids, not pregnant, just sharing a house/office with my generally lovely OH, but holy hell, I just want some time to myself, in a cave or something, but nice, like my house. But with no people in it. And Zoom can fuck off, too.

PEOPLE. EVERYWHERE.

Oh yes.

Two very young children here. Pets galore. Full time job. Never ending piles of washing to be sorted and put away. Always running out of dog food or milk or something else equally necessary.

I was up at 6.30 (woken several times in the night by child) and didn’t stop until 8.30pm and to be honest I could have done with cleaning the kitchen and doing a bit of a sort out downstairs. But I couldn’t face it.

It’s never quiet here. Rarely get time to ourselves. It’s very very full on.

You need to tell DH that you need the time to yourself, that you’re on the edge. He needs to take it seriously and help you to switch off, rest and recharge. Even if you weren’t pregnant you still deserve - and need - down time. Your husband does too, so work it out between you that you can both get alone time. You may need to spell it out to him

@Perfect28

I don't think you're going to get much sympathy here. You have a child and are pregnant, whilst lots of people struggle to concieve. You have a job in a time of high unemployment and you have a huge house and a nanny in times where personal debt is at its highest and another recession is about to bite on the tail of the last, decade long one. Sounds like you can afford a few days in a spa so why not just do it. The nanny/ your partner can take care of your toddler surely. 🙄

The OP is as entitled as anyone else to have a rant. She knows she’s in a good position, she’s saying she’s overwhelmed and tired, and what’s the point of MN if you can’t let off about that?

OP - I don’t know how much your partner does, but I think you need to sit your partner down and say you are heading for a crash if you don’t get some more support. Lay it on thick. Then brainstorm with them what might have improve things short and medium term. It might be you need to lower your standards here and there or take your foot off the pedal a bit, as well as get more help. But you clearly need some space to rest so you must get some changes made. Good luck!

Thanks everyone- I think I do need to have a discussion about things with DH and not try to keep battling on (and being very short with him all the time but probably not actually spelling out what I need).

@2020iscancelled this all sounds very familiar- I’m up at 6 every day and don’t seem to be done until 8.30 at best, my DH does usually run me a nice bath about that time which is how I best relax but then it’s bedtime and it starts all over again! DH is better at saying ‘enough’ at a certain point and just leaving things and taking time to relax, I really struggle with this then feel resentful

Your DH should be talking your toddler and dog out for a walk to give you a break. Every heavily pregnant woman deserves a break.

Oh god op I remember that feeling. There was one day where I just had a melt down because after attending to everyone’s needs the cat started meowing and I just (mentally - I’m not a shouter) lost it. The cat was the catalyst It’s such a busy, difficult time when you’re pregnant with small kids, it feels like everyone is leeching off you. It may be that you just need to be kinder to yourself and ‘let yourself off the hook’ with stuff that needs to be done. Most things don’t need doing absolutely straightaway. Lean on your husband a bit more. And although most households revolve around mum, it does get much much better in time

Yes yes yes I remember that... for YOU

@Perfect28

I don't think you're going to get much sympathy here. You have a child and are pregnant, whilst lots of people struggle to concieve. You have a job in a time of high unemployment and you have a huge house and a nanny in times where personal debt is at its highest and another recession is about to bite on the tail of the last, decade long one. Sounds like you can afford a few days in a spa so why not just do it. The nanny/ your partner can take care of your toddler surely. 🙄

Well she gets plenty from me. Life sounds miserable for her right now. Sorry life is so hard for you too.