To feel depressed with no reason

[ducktales1986]

I'm just trying to gauge if other people feel like this...

My life is objectively good. I have two healthy young children and a loving partnership. We are not short of money. We have some family help here and there and no one in our family is unwell. Covid is not having an undue impact on our livelihoods. My career is on hold due to the kids but I will be able to go back to it some time. I am able to be mindful on a daily basis and genuinely enjoy moments with the children and doing other things when I have chance. I don't have the classic symptoms of depression nor am I anxious.

But still, I have the overall feeling that I am unhappy, and feel like I'm always looking for "when this happens I'll feel better" only to find it doesn't help. Each day feels like a slog with the kids even though I know I will miss this time when they're grown. It all feels so pointless... when they're older I know I will have plenty of other problems... people will die, maybe I'll have health problems etc. I feel unhappy with ageing even though I know full well I look as good now as I will ever look again, and that ageing is a privilege. I try to make meaning in my life but sometimes it feels impossible.

I know to many people this will sound like an "im alright jack" post but that isn't how I mean it at all. I feel stupid and like a horrible person that I can't seem to be happy when I've got many of the things other people hope for.

I also recognise we're in a pandemic and i try to be kind to myself about it, but if I'm honest I felt this way before the pandemic. What's wrong with me?? Has anyone found anything that helps?

You know what, I've just seen another post on here from someone who is on benefits with no family support and many other real problems who is struggling so I think I've answered my own question.

I have this sometimes. Sometimes I think its related to the pressure to feel 'happy' actually. I've actually realised over time that happiness is not the normal human state but something that happens in moments so now I just aim for contentment/not stress and panic. I try and be aware of what I have and I try and just focus on doing what I need to do well, however small.

Clinical depression has nothing to do with whether your life is great or not. It's a chemical imbalance. People with perfect lives can suffer depression, while people who have the opposite may not. The idea that depression is not 'allowed' unless you have problems is one of the reasons so few people seek help. Do not dismiss depression by the fact you 'should' be happy. Judge it on whether you feel depressed or not.

I mean, that's what depression is really. If you were depressed for a reason, it would be easier to fix those situational, environmental, personal whatever problems. It's like people saying 'I have anxiety because of the pandemic'. It's perfectly understandable to feel anxious because of a pandemic. If you have anxiety for NO reason, like me, then that's a problem.

Depression is not a competition. Just because you have a lovely life, it doesn’t make you exempt from feeling low.
Have you got anyone you could speak to?

I completely relate to your post, I'm feeling irrationally low this week.

I think for me it is hormones/perimenopause (missed 2 or 3 periods and now i'm having a really long/heavy one), combined with general anxiety about Brexit/Covid.

Compared to so many others I've not get any "real" reason to be down. I had already decided not to meet family over Christmas so haven't had to change plans (though obviously I'm a bit sad about not seeing them). DH and I both have jobs, and no-one i'm close to has been very ill. We have 2 teens at home, who get on well with each other. I feel I can't admit to feeling down to anyone in real life as so may people have worse problems to deal with.

Thanks all. Helpful to hear your experiences. Yes I wonder if it's partly hormonal... or at least partly postnatal ongoing. I do have people to talk to but it's almost like there's nothing to say... I guess everyone is struggling at the moment to some degree. I'm not special in that... and most people want to offer advice and I genuinely don't think there's anything in particular I could be doing differently. I exercise, I eat ok, I try to take time for myself, i am mindful, I talk to friends... I don't know.

I don't feel I'm depressed enough to seek mental health treatment and anyway, all those services are overwhelmed.

I like the comment about accepting that happiness is not a natural state for most of the time. Maybe I can try to more accept that this is how it is.

Ps sorry to those of you who are feeling the same, and sending strength

I can totally relate to this.

I don't have the classic symptoms of depression nor am I anxious.

Kindly - you do, and it sounds like you are. Struggling to find joy in anything, self critical/ low self esteem, impending sense of doom/ worrying about the future. They're all classic symptoms.

There are almost always going to be people that have things harder than you, but your feelings are still entirely valid. If you feel things slipping further please ask for help, yes it's likely to be a long wait on the NHS but you're just as entitled to help as the next person, or you might wish to look at private help if that's available to you.

I hope you manage to find some light soon. Be kind to yourself.

You're allowed to feel however you feel, and look for support.

Have you ever had Seasonal Affective Disorder? It's not uncommon to find the hormone changes from pregnancy make you more prone once you've got children. If you think that might fit, it would be worth getting a sun lamp, and doubling any efforts to drag people out for a walk at midday?

Thanks. Maybe you're right. Some days it seems worse than others. We could probably afford private therapy but it would be a squeeze, I guess it feels indulgent when in reality I am managing ok, and we would then have to cut back elsewhere which feels unfair on the family. A sun lamp might be more achievable, thanks I'll look into it

Private therapy seems like a good option to explore, if you can.

We are in the middle of a global pandemic, so don't discount that. Its perfectly possible that you felt a bit low prior to that but covid has only brought you lower.

Also, no use comparing yourself to others. Your feelings are valid.

That’s no how depression works. It doesn’t have to be situational. I spent too much time avoiding seeking help when I needed it as I thought I had no trauma or abuse that meant I needed help. I felt guilty and embarrassed that I’d waste anyone’s time with me. How wrong I was.

It is possible you are stuck in a rut but it’s also possible that somethings not right and you need help whether from a doctor or therapist. I hope you get what you need and wish you all the best.

What do you mean ‘ My career is on hold due to the kids’? Do you WoH at all? If not, do you actually want to continue to SAH?

I’d have been very unhappy SaH with small DC.

I often feel low as have a longstanding MH issue, just with ordinary challenges etc.

Thanks. Maybe I will explore private therapy. I might see how I feel in the new year.

You're right, I don't especially love being a SAHM and I do miss work. At the moment for various reasons it makes sense for the family for me not to work though. I might try to revisit that to see if I can, too.