What to do. -implantation bleeding and do not want a baby

[panickingbutunsure]

Name changed for obvious reasons.

Please help. I have had some light bleeding and cramping these last few days and my period isn’t due for another week or so. I am almost positive it is implantation bleeding as I had it with both my other pregnancies and have a very regular cycle normally.

I’m fucking terrified!

I had to come off the pill due to migraines and was on the injection but it caused me a lot of problems. I’ve had an appointment for a coil cancelled FOUR times, so dh and I have been using condoms.

My children are 7 and 9. I suffered terrible depression from when I was pregnant with my eldest until he was about 5 and it nearly destroyed me and my marriage. I am finally healthy and happy and just don’t want another baby!

However, I am completely pro-choice but I just don’t know if I could have an abortion. I have a tendency to dwell/overthink things and I am probably catastrophising but I am so scared about what to do. I cannot risk triggering another bout of depression, I think it might actually kill me, but either having an abortion or keeping the baby could trigger these as I think I’d be wracked with guilt if I aborted.

Please can I have some advice. I am freaking out and cannot talk to dh as he panics about things more than I do!!

AIBU to be seriously thinking of an abortion. How will I cope mentally?

Have you actually taken a test yet?

I had implantation bleeding with both pregnancies. It was when my period was due though. I got a positive with a First Response (are they the pink ones?) the day after implantation bleeding with DS2.

Might be worth actually taking a test before freaking out...

I’m so sorry you’re having these doubts OP.

First of all, take a test - there is no point breaking your heart without knowing if you need to.

If you are pregnant, please remember that you have options and that whatever you choose you are not a bad person.

Abortion is a completely valid choice. You aren’t aborting a baby; it’s a barely-there bunch of cells at this stage. Abortion is a totally legitimate choice which you are free to exercise, without moral judgment.

Alternatively, if you find you want to proceed with the pregnancy, you can speak to your GP now about putting in place measures to help you combat the potential for depression.

It might help you to speak to Marie Stopes, your GP or a counsellor at this stage to discuss your options and explore your feelings.

You aren’t a bad person OP, and that won’t change regardless of whether you continue the pregnancy or not.

I’m sorry. Try not to panic, it really might be nothing.

If you are pregnant then you have options, especially this early on.

Hey OP, I feel you - this would be my worst nightmare too.

If your period isn’t due for a week or so this is very unlikely to be implementation bleeding as this occurs 10-14 days after conception - basically the time your period is due.

How old are you? Could this be peri menopausal spotting?

Praying you aren’t pregnant, but if you are you have options. I feel I couldn’t possibly have an abortion but the reality for me is I would for the sake of my children. I could not risk that level of depression again. I truly might not survive it. I would feel guilt but reminding myself that two children with a mother is the lesser evil of three with no mama

Good luck xxx

Thank you so much for all your responses. I totally appreciate those of you saying get a test - that’s probably what I would say too - and I know it’s a bit daft worrying about something that could possibly be nothing! I will wait and see if my period starts next week and then do a test.

Thank you too for the very supportive comments. I am a talker and it has helped so much already to get my feelings out and have so many people give me such quick responses.

Fingers crossed it’s nothing. Will try to chill out and stop being so dramatic!!

I think it might be an ovulation bleed. I get this sometimes, more often now I'm older. If you were on hormonal contraception for ages you won't have been ovulating so might not know it happens.
Wait til your period is due, then test and hopefully its negative. Good luck!