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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

about our kids Christmas presents

43 replies

soopedup · 21/12/2020 04:30

My DH has brought our kids a load of Christmas presents without talking to me about it first. Is that normal? He announced last night a list of things he’s purchased and has had for ages. I’ve brought things for the kids after chatting to him about it and he’s then gone and just brought extra off his own bat and without bothering to talk about it or even say what he’s got until I pushed the subject of kids Christmas gifts.

AIBU in thinking this is a bit strange? Don’t married couples normally sit down and sort that stuff out together?

OP posts:

Livelovebehappy · 21/12/2020 07:41

I know sometimes if there is an imbalance between parents as to how much money/how many presents to buy, it’s tempting to just get it rather than have to debate it. Maybe he thought you would not be happy about spending extra money so just went and got it so there was no confrontation? Not a massive issue I would say tbh.

davekim · 21/12/2020 07:47

I think it's actually lovely and with DH would take this initiative.

We do have a brief discussion if either of us has picked up on anything but then ball is firmly in my court.

I never ask.

MaryShelley1818 · 21/12/2020 08:17

My DH does this, he's bought everything for DS this Christmas apart from 2 things.
DS is a December baby so I sort his Birthday presents and he sorts his Christmas presents.

DH loves buying all the retro toys he had as a kid and gets super excited buying stuff. He's bought some beautiful books too, and some good learning toys.
We might occasionally discuss stuff but most things he just buys. He loves shopping for us and surprising us.

mooncakes · 21/12/2020 08:22

I’d find that very weird. We discuss big presents. We might pick up stocking fillers or books independently.

What if you both buy bikes or a game console otherwise?

arethereanyleftatall · 21/12/2020 08:27

I would LOVE IT if my husband had done this.

Wife2b · 21/12/2020 08:28

Can’t see anything wrong with it personally, I think it’s sweet that he’s got involved and not just left it all to you like lots of others do. I think it’s odd that he didn’t mention it but I wouldn’t make a big deal of it. If he’d of discussed it, would you have said no? Maybe he anticipated you saying no?

Go shopping together next year?

lowbudgetnigella · 21/12/2020 08:38

We both buy bits independently but tell each other straightaway, usually we are excited to do so. For main presents we definitely discuss as usually have to give ideas to other family members.

DappledThings · 21/12/2020 08:38

I'd find that really weird. We only get DC one big present each then some stocking fillers so if he was suddenly doubling up without discussing it wouldn't be happy. But he's totally involved and would be just as put out if I went and bought the big presents without discussion.

MotherOfCrocodiles · 21/12/2020 08:44

Well I do all of ours and have given up telling DH as it's in one ear out the other....

JohnLapsleyParlabane · 21/12/2020 08:51

My parents have always given me separate gifts, nowadays they do separate ones for DH and the children too. They've been happily married for 40y but don't operate on the family money model. AFAIK the only discussion they have is when it comes time to package everything up to send (we live pretty far apart).
However DH and I operate on a family money basis and so we discuss all big ticket items since they come out of the joint account.
So I think it depends on what your budget system is and why he's done it now.

1stTimeMama · 21/12/2020 08:55

Not weird at all based on what we do. I get all of the presents, and I don't discuss it with my husband. But, because I like surprises, he gets them all a few things that I don't know about so I get some the 'oooh look at that' moments too.
Absolutely not a problem.

TheNoodlesIncident · 21/12/2020 09:05

I'd be concerned that there was a duplication of presents with some having to be returned if we did that.

Is this unusual for your household? What's been the protocol on previous years? Obviously you want to be on the same page for future Christmases, so perhaps a bit more openness where you let each other know promptly what you have bought and avoid duplication and buying too much or not enough.

I don't have this problem because DH is busy and doesn't do Christmas shopping unless it's something bought quickly on Amazon. We also only have one child so don't need to balance out the volume or cost of gifts between two (or more) kids and in addition, our dc is difficult to buy for so any additional present is generally welcome!

I'd have issues if my DH had gone out and bought something large, like a play kitchen or a bicycle, and I didn't know anything about it. Smaller stuff wouldn't matter so much though, unless it was a Class A substance like moon sand or glitter...

movingonup20 · 21/12/2020 10:13

My ex used to do this, would be sitting at work bored and buy stuff from Amazon, for my family too, then email me to let me know, I knew it would happen though so I was always prepared and would ask him if he had done the shop by the 15th or so knowing he would. I was in charge of stocking stuffers and sweets for all

Meerkatmummy4 · 21/12/2020 10:19

Dp and i are pretty equal in what we buy. There's no big presents this year so it is mostly small random bits. This morning he came in with presents that he'd just spotted for ds and my sister. I did have a bit of a shocked moment when he bought ds4 a parker pen 😲 but apart from that we're mostly on the same page.

JustHereWithPopcorn · 21/12/2020 10:21

I would love it if my husband done this! I think it's lovely, I pick up bits when I'm out and about only fair the Dad can do the same. Annoying he didn't mention it to you but I guess I have done the same before with presents.

Vanillaradio · 21/12/2020 10:32

To me yes big gifts should be discussed first. If he has bought these without prior discussion then yes I would be annoyed. However, it would be quite normal for either me or my dh to go and buy a big gift we have already agreed on or small gifts that we saw and thought ds might like without any prior discussion.

mam0918 · 21/12/2020 11:38

We do it seperately because we have seperate finances and I cant stand DH way of shopping.

I basically buy everything needed for xmas (like 99% of stuff) starting months in advance and then the week of xmas he goes out and buys some things (think he bought 5 items each this year) but he usually does pre-check with me before buying so they dont get duplicates.

AliceMcK · 21/12/2020 11:59

It would only bother me if money was tight or he got something we couldn’t afford or I already had, but I keep an online list so he generally knows what I have and what I’m looking for. My DH will buy presents if he sees something he knows DCs will like just like I do, but usually will tell me or add it to the list unless he forgets.

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