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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be really frustrated that my ex thinks he is exempt from Covid rules?

28 replies

kimbers7390 · 20/12/2020 23:06

Separated from husband last year. He has since moved in with another woman and her children. We do alternate weekends with the children, it was his this weekend, so next weekend should be mine, but with it being Christmas I agreed he can have them from 2 pm on Christmas day until the 27th. He told me tonight when dropping our young children off, that his Dad and partner are doing a buffet next on the 27th for the wider family which my children will be attending. There will be around 18 of them in total. Given the current news and restrictions, I am feeling really frustrated. I am a single Mum, haven't seen some of my family in months following the rules and it is me who needs time off if any of the children have to isolate. Which we have just done a month of! This isn't the first time he has done something like this. Told him I am not comfortable with it and been told it isn't any of my business!

OP posts:
Chloemol · 20/12/2020 23:32

Just go and collect them on the 26th

Cleverpolly3 · 20/12/2020 23:33

He thinks he’s special then
Go and collect them on the 26 th as per PP

Cleverpolly3 · 20/12/2020 23:34

Also why did you agree to changing things weekend wise?

Newmumatlast · 20/12/2020 23:36

Collect them 26th and report the party

Original poster
kimbers7390 · 20/12/2020 23:38

CleverPolly, to be honest, I am regretting that decision now. I have this week off from work so thought as I have the run up to Christmas I would let him spend a couple of days over Christmas with them. He is a bit of a bully though and feel like I just agree to things save myself any hassle.

OP posts:
TheTrashBagIsOursCmonTrashBag · 20/12/2020 23:58

He’s a fucking prick. I’d be changing my mind about the arrangement- not out of revenge but to prevent my kids being exposed to a Petri dish and bringing it home to me.

Cleverpolly3 · 21/12/2020 13:25

Is there a CAO in place?
If so you are entitled in law if it’s your weekend and he isn’t
If there isn’t one then I would just not take them especially given the current circumstances and the now unlawful buffet gathering.

He does sound like a bully
As I have learned the more you yield the more they throw at you so stop now and maintain a firmer stance here on in. My life is all the better for it

Ivy455 · 21/12/2020 13:43

I am not one to get arsey about covid rules but I don't like the way he seems to have coerced you into handing over the kids for Christmas. Tell him you'll be collecting them on the 26th like others have suggested.

Goldencurtain · 21/12/2020 14:00

What tier are you in?

Original poster
kimbers7390 · 21/12/2020 14:10

@Cleverpolly3

Is there a CAO in place? If so you are entitled in law if it’s your weekend and he isn’t If there isn’t one then I would just not take them especially given the current circumstances and the now unlawful buffet gathering.

He does sound like a bully
As I have learned the more you yield the more they throw at you so stop now and maintain a firmer stance here on in. My life is all the better for it

I am finding that to be honest. I agreed to Christmas day from 2 onwards thinking he would just take them to his house for the weekend, but then he throws in a party at his dad's. I hate confronting him, I just get accused of being spiteful and that I punish him with the kids because he left for me and moved straight in with another woman last year. No contact order in place. He threatens court every so often. We mutually agreed alternate weekends. The children live with me Monday to Friday as he moved back to our home town an hour away.
OP posts:
Original poster
kimbers7390 · 21/12/2020 14:14

We are tier three. He lives an hour away, but also a tier 3 area. I've told him I am collecting them early now on the 26th and been told that he wont let me stop him having his kids and that it is none of my business. It is a constant battle and I am tired of it.

Thank you for everyone's replies.

OP posts:
Santaisironingwrappingpaper · 21/12/2020 14:14

He is dicing with the health of you and your dc.. Tell him you will see him in court...
Keep them home.

Charlie63849 · 21/12/2020 14:16

There isn’t anything you can do.

Either let it annoy you or just let it go... it will happen either way

TheFormidableMrsC · 21/12/2020 14:17

Don't let them go. It's not ok. If he's going to be an arsehole then let him take you to court. What a prick.

3rdNamechange · 21/12/2020 14:27

Can he drop them back before the buffet on the 27th ?
Then get a proper court order.

Royalbloo · 21/12/2020 14:32

How old are your kids? Just wondering as mine is a knob and has decided he's taking DD to his parents (even though he lives with someone). She's 4 and unlikely to be unwell if she gets it so I've decided I don't care.

I'm sure he's doing it to annoy me (which I refuse to engage in) and it's him putting his elderly parents at risk. I can't physically stop him either so what can I do...nothing in reality.

Royalbloo · 21/12/2020 14:33

Charlie63849 completely agree - I just said, "Ok".

He looked like he'd been shot.

Royalbloo · 21/12/2020 14:33

It's only a battle if there are two opposing sides

nosswith · 21/12/2020 14:34

Please get a proper court order.

In the meantime call the police to report the large gathering on the 27th, as the police should respond to c18 people.

PrincessNutNutRoast · 21/12/2020 14:39

the more you yield the more they throw at you so stop now and maintain a firmer stance here on in.

Yep.

If you can't be sure he will give them back early, then don't let them go at all, OP. You can tell him it's irresponsible and illegal and you're the one who will have to take time off etc if they need to isolate, if you think it'll do any good, but either way, don't let them go.

feel like I just agree to things save myself any hassle.

And actually, what you get is more hassle, not least if you end up isolating again. Who cares if the silly sod tantrums and accuses you of shit?

Court order sounds like the way to go.

MsJinks · 21/12/2020 14:51

I suppose 18 could be 3 families if there are bubbles, though I guess this wouldn’t apply Boxing Day anyway now. Practically, I imagine it would be quite hard to retrieve the children without argument, so you will really have to decide whether to send them at all. Giving in to folk for an easy life is very understandable, but never works. Tbh it sounds like he is trying to be awkward and annoying, as if he wanted to take them to this party and he knows you well enough to know you wouldn’t like it then why mention it - he could have told you after to save this difficulty for himself and you so firstly if it’s true (yes, I’m cynical but based on my own experience) then is he using it to lay the law down? Or to get out of having them?

PoodleMoth · 21/12/2020 15:00

Get a court order and report the party on the day!

Sinful8 · 21/12/2020 15:05

@Santaisironingwrappingpaper

He is dicing with the health of you and your dc.. Tell him you will see him in court... Keep them home.
Well he isn't really.

Hes dicing with the potential capacity of his local NHS Trust at worst.

NoSquirrels · 21/12/2020 15:07

Tell him it’s pick-up on 26th or you’ll keep them this weekend as per the usual weekend arrangements, which would he prefer?

Santaisironingwrappingpaper · 21/12/2020 15:23

So if op and the dc get it will he be delivering food parcels and guaranteeing they recover?

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