Nane changed for obvious reasons. (Get lost daily mail)
I foolishly had 2 children with an alcoholic. I was incredibly naive and thought he would change. I did help to get him sober, but we went through a shit time, he was financially and emotionally abusive. I ended it when my children were 2 and 4.
He was then very petty but we agreed contact and it was great at first. Obviously I knew he would continue drinking but had no proof. Was told I was neurotic etc.
Anyway we spent the next year arguing (he would shout at me in front of my children etc) as even though he was clearly drinking, he would deny it but i insisted on supervised access to keep my children safe-he said it was a power play. It really wasn't. I hated being anywhere nrwr him but did so weekly do my children could see their father.
We eventually went through court-he kept threatening it, but I actually wanted him to take me as I felt I needed some support. It was a stressful process but absolutely necessary and I was continually vindicated and told by different professionals that it was clear I had done all I could to continue access. I always wanted my children to see their dad. They love him. First court agreement was settled and he was finally allowed to see them unsupervised after months if no contact. But he broke the agreement 3 days after we received it (so they saw him once and again it stopped) CAFCASS were so shocked. I refused access again. Anyway, long story short as I'm rambling. We went to court again and I said I don't want him to see them until he can sort himself out because the in and out of the children's lives was not healthy for them. Court agreed and told him he had to be sober for 2 years before he can apply to court again and he must prove he had been sober. It's been a year since my children saw their dad and my eldest found it incredibly hard, especially the first 9 months. He's a sensitive little soul. He's 8 now. So a year has passed and their dad has been caught drunk 6 times so far this year (so no doubt many more than that) 🤦♀️ so it will be at least 3 years since they last saw him if he sorts himself out.
Do I think he will? Absolutely not. I don't think he will ever change. I think some alcoholics can, but he is still, after all these years at the blaming others stage. He's had a drink problem since his older children were babies, so over 20 years. My eldest is still clinging on to hope that daddy will stop drinking. I had been honest with him about it, but obviously I worded it so he could understand and I have never badmouthed his dad to him- though been accused many times! Do any of you have any success stories that might give me hope? Or am I right in just being a realist? So sorry I rambled on, there's so much history but I think I covered the essentials.