I know I am being unreasonable, but can you help me with WHY?!

[mayandjuniper]

Basically, I really really want a baby. I think about it constantly. I'm jealous if someone else is pregnant. I'm just generally pretty obsessed. I have a DP and it wouldn't be the end of the world if it happened but he isn't ready so it can't and that's that. The thing is, I don't understand why I am so obsessed with it! Why can't I just be happy with what I have? I have two older DC from a previous relationship who I love very much and live with me, and I did feel 'done' until I met my DP.

Thing is, I've wanted a baby desperately since being about 13, which is insane. I didn't actively go out and try to get pregnant at that age but I always had that longing. Eventually ended up pregnant at 19 with DC1 due to laziness with contraception. After the initial 'oh shit what do I do?' I was overjoyed, despite it being terrible timing.

I had a very early MC in an unplanned pregnancy in summer, which has made these feelings much stronger, but they were definitely there before.

I really need to give my head a wobble because I'm being ridiculous, but I'm struggling to stop myself feeling this way when I don't understand why I feel this way!

Hormones. And I think there's a primal urge for many people to cement love with a baby so he won't wander off to another cave and will always go hunt your dinner

You can write a list of reasons it would be a bad idea, make sure your contraception is solid etc but I think you probably just have to ride it out.

In another life of say go hug other people's babies but...

How old are you?

Late twenties, so I have time. More concerned about why I've felt like this since my early teens to be honest- is it normal?!

I remember at your age (without children) I felt like I was going insane with longing for a baby. I didn't actually want one - I was really happy with my life - I just felt out of control. I remember an agony aunt called Irma Kurtz saying that having a child doesn't stop that feeling. That's the only thing that stopped me. When I did have a baby a few years later I did experience the same intense yearning throughout the first few months, so it was clearly a hormonal thing.

You still have tons of time. If you can rationalise it still then and if your partner is in agreement, you can still go ahead.

I've wanted a baby desperately since being about 13, which is insane

Could it be that you have always had motherhood as your only/main goal, and now that your kids are older, you feel strongly motivated to have another baby to give you a sense of purpose?

I might be off beam, but I have a friend who had a child young, and so never had much chance to be an adult who wasn't a mum first and foremost. She always talked about wanting to develop her career, continue studying, pursue her interests, but when her DS was about seven, she had another kid. And then about five years later, another one. And now she's just had a fourth.

She really enjoys the attention and excitement and congratulations/sense of achievement you get from having a baby, and whenever it looks like she might be able to start working on herself outside of her family, she goes ahead and sabotages it.

Do you have anything in your life that you could work on to give yourself a feeling of fulfilment, that isn't a baby?

@HollowTalk that’s so interesting. Is it a known thing then that after having a baby you feel broody? I have a 4 month old and I can’t stop thinking about number 2, illogically. I had horrendous fertility/ pregnancy and birth problems and my body is wrecked so it just doesn’t make sense, and I feel guilty as it’s like wanting another is feeling my baby isn’t enough!

I remember looking at my daughter on the night she was born and would've cut off my leg to have another!

If your baby is four months old and you are desperate for another, it's clearly a hormonal thing rather than reason! I think of it like PMT - when you're pre-menstrual you are convinced that you are right about something (even when you're patently wrong) - then you calm down and see sense once your period starts. When I went through the menopause I would go from 0-100 in seconds. I think you just have to be careful not to make any life-changing decisions at the moment. Lucky you having a 4 month old - I'm so jealous!

If you wanted it at 13 and that hasn't changed after enjoying having 2, then it might be the same at 45 after 10 - so accepting that you are a person with a strong maternal drive might be more effective than reproducing beyond your family being complete. I think it's hormonal and not psychological and agree with pp.

@HollowTalk yes I know I am definitely not thinking reasonably. DH is horrified 😂

Thanks - she’s gorgeous and has chubby cheeks and the best smile where she wrinkles her nose 🥰