To find this annoying / offputting?

[SweetCruciferous]

And the thing in question is – someone not making noises, gestures or giving short responses while you’re talking to indicate they’ve heard what you’ve said and are engaged in the conversation.

So, for eg, “Right, so I don’t know about you, but you know when you were a kid and you used to write a Christmas list?”

Other person: keeps watching you in silence with unbroken gaze, no change in body language, and no nod or “mm hmm” / “okay” / “yeah”

Is it just me or are these little markers just a standard feature of a conversation?!

Would you find it offputting if someone didn’t respond in some way to what you are saying to indicate they are listening and interested?

Why do I ask? Ohhh no reason

I've known a few people like this. No response in any way to what you're saying, and yes, it is awkward. You sit there wondering if they've registered a single word you've said.

People like that have no social skills. They don't understand communication or social cues. Either that or they really aren't interested and are showing you that in a pretty hostile way.

I did a course once which included role play in pairs, with one person who had to keep talking while the other gave no feedback or acknowledgement. It was really hard for the talkers to keep going.

I've also known a person who is the exact opposite of this. We were co-workers, and the whole time anyone was talking/explaining something, he would constantly utter "uh huh", "ok", "mmmm", literally the entire time you're speaking, and doing it over what you're saying so you wondered how he could possibly hear anything. It was infuriating. You just wanted to scream SHUT UP.

They just sound bored to me

Thanks!!!! So relieved to read these responses 😂 have had someone trying to convince me it’s normal to not do any of those things during a convo.

@DrManhattan yep exactly, it gives the impression someone’s bored and not engaged in the conversation (ime)

@Aquamarine1029 that sounds annoying as well...!!

I once had a session with a counsellor who responded (or rather failed to respond) like this. Don't think she had ever heard of reflective listening.

Didn't go back.

Ds1 does this ,or used to. He is ASD and bless him it took a whole for him to realise this issue. Of course he would be confused and say " Of course I'm listening or I would walk away ". Took us a while to teach those cues. Still a bit hit and miss.

DP midline autistic brother gives you no cues , at all. Can be very off putting unless you are aware he is autistic. DP once had to step in with a somewhat rude man on a train who got angry with his brother who was honestly waiting for the man to finish speaking. DP was rather less polite than he could have been but he does recognise how disarming it could be when his brother simply looks at people when they are talking.

While not whole

I'm guilty of this in some situations... I would answer if it were a direct question (like in your example) but I can't always tell where else I'm supposed to say mmhmm or OK.

It can be really awkward, especially when people ask if I'm still listening. To combat this I tend to just nod or say mmm at random intervals (which is probably just as annoying!).

In my defence, it's not deliberate and I am waiting for an autism assessment (and share this trait with autistic family members).

God I'm so glad you've said that. I'm autistic and always wondered if it was seen as weird or rude or something to talk when someone else is talking even if I'm just saying single words.

They are called minimal encouragers if you are going along with a conversation. My boys have ASD and I have to remind them to respond to me (not quite the same). It drives me nuts.
I’ll shout them down for tea, no response, shout again ‘Alright mum, we heard you the first time’
How was I supposed to know?

I have a work colleague who whenever we speak on the phone I have to intermittently keep checking she's still there and we haven't been cut off.

I just think she's quiet and takes a bit of time to process info. But some verbal nods would be good!!

I know several ASD young adults - minimal facial expressions, not hugely responsive. But I know that they are autistic, so I adjust my expectations.

I would hate to think that strangers will judge them negatively, just because they can't participate in social interactions "normally".

Erm yes that would be off putting. Part of the social skills you develop as a child is to check if the other person is listening and interested in the conversation.

I would also second the suggestion that someone that gave no response during a converstion might have social skill issues. It's not rude in the normal way (i.e. talking over someone or banging on about themselves) .

Completely agree Op, I had a call today with customer service from a retailer, towards the end of the call I said thank you and then expected her to say something along the lines of ‘anything else I can help you with?’ Or even ‘thank you for your call’ instead she stayed silent. It was very odd and got to the point when I just said ‘okay thanks bye’, but it really threw me and just made the end of the call pretty awkward. Something simple but just helps to mark that the call is coming to an end.

Thanks for the responses! Just for context, it’s actually my DP, who is not on the ADS.

I hope that if I’m dealing with people I don’t know, I do take account of the fact they might be feeling nervous, not be neurotypical, or simply find it difficult to judge when to respond in convos.

Sorry, meant does not have any ASD

Oh my god, DP can be like this sometimes. I'll say something to him (like tell him something) and he won't reply. I'll say did you hear what I just said, he'll say yes, I'll ask why he didn't answer me then .. he said it wasn't a question so he wasn't aware he had to answer.

It's usually when he's watching TV to be fair. If I have his full attention we talk properly.

just curious... does the non=grunter have any hearing problems?

Deafness  causes  a lot more communication problems  than just "not being able to hear sounds".    It  creates  an inner  social distancing  which  becomes  the person's new reality.

@2bazookas

No, he doesn’t have any hearing difficulties.

I imagine it must be difficult and potentially a bit isolating if you do though. Think a lot of people are noticing at the moment how easily communication is interrupted with masks covering lips, screens in shops, etc.

It’s on a far lesser scale but I know if one of my ears feels funny or is blocked / popping it is really distracting and makes it difficult to be present with people.

Its called cooperative signalling and yes pretty normal to expect. Lack of it feels odd in most circumstances!

I would assume bored and not bothered enough to hide it.

I guess it could be someone who just really likes basic communication skills....