Another Xmas Present Q

[UngratefulDead]

Ok, name changed and bracing myself for my first AIBU

Background
DH and I have been together 20 years. Very good relationship, still lots of sex and intimacy...he is very complimentary and barely a day goes by without him telling me I'm beautiful (I'm not especially!) or noticing a new hairstyle. I'm very lucky-he's not all perfect but these things are relevant!

In the lead up to Christmas, he asked if I wanted anything in particular. I mentioned a few things but said I was happy for him to pick something out I'd like.

We had DD1 in Feb and since the summer have both admitted with lockdown and sleep deprivation, we need to lose some weight (him about a stone and me about 1.5). DH has pushed the idea a few times that I should try cycling as it's a good cardio workout. It's not a hobby of his but suggested I try it. I hate cycling-sore bum, out in public...just hate it. I would rather swim, gym or most any other form of exercise.

I've made this clear to him and agreed I would make an effort to do something...but I hate cycling. But with DD, any time I get to myself I either sleep or just want to catch up on trash tv. I don't have much of an excuse as I do get time to myself but just need motivation, DH has for his part, cut out booze and is doing well.

So this evening DH asked what the time was so I pressed the button to light up his phone and saw a banner confirming an Amazon order for cycling helmet. I then snooped (more fool me!) and have found that my Xmas present is a nice but second hand bike and ALL the kit for serious cycling including garmin cycling watch. None of the bits I asked for, just so much cycling gear.

Absolute 1st world problem (especially with the latest announcements). But I'm gutted. I know DH still finds me attractive (see above) but I also know he wants me to lose weight and this just feels like such a 'get off your arse' present.

So my AIBU. Should I find a way to make him aware pre Xmas that this present would upset me?

YABVU-how ungrateful, suck it up and try it-you might like it
YABU-it's the thought that counts but maybe ask post Xmas if he has the receipts
YANBU-it's a misfire of a present and you should try and mention it before (how?)

Dons hard hat....

Yes to @TidyDancer that's a good way to describe it. A thoughtlessly thoughless gift. If I enjoyed cycling, I would be utterly thrilled as he has gone all out...just on the wrong stuff!

@CrotchBurn this sounds so much like my DH. So good in so many ways but totally rubbish when it comes to present buying.

I would love an instant pot but a non cooking vegetarian probably would not!!

Always leaves it to the last minute and ends up quickly ordering from Amazon (where most of the stuff is from) and then breathing a sigh of relief that the 'job' of getting me something is done.

If he sat for just ten minutes, he could either have remembered the bits I mentioned or think of the couple of hobbies I do have and get me something for them.

And I totally agree with not getting practical gifts for birthday and Christmas.

I do think I'm projecting a bit as I LOVE buying people gifts and always try and think of something to surprise them and plan in advance, so I'm just disappointed it's not reciprocated.

So I've completed wilted on being direct. DH got up early with DD this morning and I could hear him coming up the stairs.

I'd sort of worked myself up a bit and was ready to say I'd seen the banner and...please....no

But he came in with a bacon sandwich and freshly squeezed OJ. Said he could tell I'd had a bad night and to enjoy breakfast in bed, he'd put DD down for a nap and then take her out for a couple of hours when she's up so I should stay in bed or have a hot bath and relax for the rest of the morning.

And so I crumbled and didn't say anything. I think I'll go with the plan of saying I've got a fitness schedule arranged and cycling doesn't feature.

I know I'm dragging out such a non issue here!

Bit off topic but if he believes you need to lose weight to the extent that hes trying to turn you into a MAMIL then maybe he needs to stop bringing you bacon sandwiches 🤷‍♀️

If you've already told him you don't like cycling then he either wasn't listening or thinks he knows better than you what you do and don't like. I think you're doing too much work to excuse this shit.

Oh god, that's a terrible present. I would really try to tell him before Christmas.

You've told him you dont like cycling, why would he think you'd lose weight doing something you don't like?

If you do leave it till Christmas then don't pretend to be happy, I'd look super confused and say "oh... we spoke about this, I told you I hate cycling, I'll never use it will I?" It would just make it worse later to pretend you love it. But you deserve a present you actually want for Christmas so really try and tell him asap.

YANBU. He’s bought it because he wants you to cycle, you’ve already told him you don’t like doing it.

I do think I'm projecting a bit as I LOVE buying people gifts and always try and think of something to surprise them and plan in advance, so I'm just disappointed it's not reciprocated.

I think that you need to put those thoughts aside, I have found that it just doesn't work. Either you put up with years of 'not quite right' presents or you give amazon gift lists and get stuff you actually like. Appreciate him for other qualities that he does well, like his bacon sarnie making skills. If you are really lucky then he will begin to learn what you like, or you will engender the love of choosing appropriate presents in your children and they can begin to direct dh as they get older.