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[SpooKAYsamuels]

A little background. I have two dss aged 9 and 10, been their step mum 6 years now, and their mum is very different to me, dp and her split with no fault on either side 2 yrs before I met DP. Access is made very difficult every weekend and DP and I bend over backwards every week to see kids as and when it suits her.

So AIBU...

• to expect a reply to my good morning from my dss's?
• to expect DP's ex to ask me directly to provide her with free babysitting when she knows full well DP is working ie call or text me, it's not hard is it?
• to thank me for helping her out when she picks kids up from said free babysitting? (as I know none of her friends will as kids rude and disobedient) Instead of not even getting out f her car and saying hello. occasionally and not use words like tosser and wanker in front of my 2yr old ds?

I try not to jude the kids too much as they simply mimic the way their mum talks (she is very blunt and aggressive), but surely at their age they know to reply to good morning or say 'please can I have'? Anyway this is more a rant tbh, than anything else, just needed to get it all off my chest! It is very frustrating as their is only so much you can do two days a week.

Hmm there is a bit mising there....

• to think the kids could say plase and thank you occassionally and not use wrds like....

Don't know how that happened!

No you are not being unreasonable.

But I think you and your DP need to set strict rules that they must obey when in your house.

I would also suggest that your DP makes it clear to his Exp that when he is working he/you will not be having the dc.

Agree with Lizzi - you need to set ground rules when they are in your house.

Also, it sounds like your DP is getting off lightly here. They are also his responsibility and he needs to be firm with his ex and tell that she needs to ask you if you can babysit. I think she is taking the mick and is possibly a little jealous of you.

Yes he lets her get away with a lot, in the past if he has had a word about anything she has cut contact.

I am mad with him but also feel sorry for him at the same time. I only say yes to having them as it means dp gets to spend a couple of hours with them.

I used to be more 'on top of' their behaviour, ie prompt them to say please but I realised I was fighting a losing battle. I have my own child to bring up and as dp is too scared of ex and ex thinks she is mother of the year I can't see things changing. It's very frustrating and I worry about how both dss's will end up. They live in a very rough area and it would be so easy for them to make the wrong choices without someone showing them there is more than in the world than a shitty council estate.

As his DP, there is only so much you can do for his kids, and it sounds like you are doing all you can. I think you just need to encourage 'good' behaviour when they are with you and try and ignore their bad behaviour. His ex sounds like a very nasty piece of work and uses his kids as pawns in her silly little games.

Thank you all for replying btw, it helps to get it out of my system.

Hmm I think maybe she is jealous I don't know, she is rather passive agressive towards our ds.

DP's ex does use the kids yes. It is a real pain as she knows she would get lega aid free and we would pay and tbh I couldn't face a court battle - even if we had set access throught he court she would still do as she pleases.

She also plays the kids off against each other too so one will be in her good books and one cast out, she swaps and changes which is which so one is always upset and needy and one is cocky and unpleasantly smug.

I know people say 'you know what you are taking on' but she really is a nasty piece of work and it is so upsetting and depressing.