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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Can you Dad come for Christmas from London?

79 replies

friendlyflicka · 19/12/2020 17:48

He is 89, just had first vaccine, hasn't seen anyone all year. He is desperate to come to me. I am a single parent not bubbled with anyone else.

Dad was due to come on Christmas Eve in a pre-booked black cab with partition etc. I was going to drive him back from Somerset on Boxing Day.

I am not asking whether he should come. He is aware of the risks and is adamant he wants to come.

Is it legal? I would definitely deem him to at 'extreme risk of loneliness' and he has aged a lot this year and I thinks considers this Christmas could easily be his last. I have offered other way round: for me to come down for a day before Christmas but he really wants to come to me....

OP posts:
Didiplanthis · 19/12/2020 18:42

Yes he can... support bubble is not limited by distance..but I think you will have to collect him. I am in the same situation. Elderly father widowed at Christmas last year, totally alone. He has been in our support bubble despite living several hours away. Those sneering about how a support bubble can exist at that distance have NO idea. Just the knowledge that if it all gets too much he can come to us or I can go to him has been a lifeline. No one except me has stepped foot in his house for 9 months..he so unbearably lonely. He has actually decided to cancel his planned visit but had he wanted to come I would have made it happen. It is absolutely within the rules.. this is exactly what a support bubble is !

ListeningQuietly · 19/12/2020 18:43

On the BBC link, it says that you can't go from tier 4 to a tier 2/3 bubble
WRONG for support bubbles.

@friendlyflicka
Have a lovely Christmas with your Dad

ThatLibraryMiss · 19/12/2020 18:49

You're not really a support bubble when you don't live locally.

Really? I must have missed that bit of the announcement. Could you link to it, please? I'd hate to think I was breaking The Rules with my 160-mile-wide support bubble.

@ChristmasBubble, I’m in the same situation. I will be going from my Tier 3 home join my support bubble in Tier 4.

Original poster
friendlyflicka · 19/12/2020 18:52

Thanks so much.

@Didiplanthis Now I am weeping for your lonely father too...

OP posts:
LetsGoFlyAKiteee · 19/12/2020 18:55

I would. Not everyone has a local support bubble anyway.

june2007 · 19/12/2020 18:59

Also the vaccine was not a hundred pecent effective for the normal strain we nw apparently have a new strain, will the vaccine work on that strain? (1 vaccine doesn,t work for all strains of flu)

ChristmasFluff · 19/12/2020 19:05

My love, if my Dad were still alive, I would have him with me in a heartbeat for Christmas, and feck the rest of the world

what plenty of the 'holier then thous' 'jam tomorrow' forget is that for some people this will be their last christmas, Covid or not.

this sounds like your dad. Have you last christmas sweetheart. I truly hope it is one of many. Dpon't feel guilty either way xxxx

howmanyroads · 19/12/2020 19:06

I absolutely think he should still go to you

Hollyhocksarenotmessy · 19/12/2020 19:08

Could he come down and just stay living with you? This is going to carry on for months.

MzHz · 19/12/2020 19:11

What you’re doing is absolutely right and within the rules, your dad needs it, and with half a vaccine, he’s more protected than he would have been.

Happy Christmas @friendlyflicka

JofraArchersFastestBall · 19/12/2020 19:13

Please go ahead. I've just had to cancel my Christmas plans o see my parents. I'm gutted, but can see it's for the best. In your position I'd go ahead if at all possible though, your dad shouldn't be alone at Christmas.

Butterymuffin · 19/12/2020 19:16

I am in the follow the rules camp for almost everything but I wouldn't argue against this.

When exactly did he have the vaccine OP? I believe you benefit from some immunity after a week or so?

B1rthis · 19/12/2020 19:23

Your 89 year old father is not certain to be having a Christmas next year.
He is an adult and can weigh up the risks to himself and others. He has the right to a family life.
He has been extremely responsible and ensured he has limited contact with others and taken a vaccine.
Bring the taxi journey forward Christmas Eve is far to far away, tell him to pack now and get that black cab on the move now (he might make it to Somerset tonight!)

ListeningQuietly · 19/12/2020 19:26

Buttery
I am in the follow the rules camp for almost everything but I wouldn't argue against this.
I've just read the rules for support bubbles
@friendlyflicka is complying with them if she brings her dad to stay.

Cyllie33 · 19/12/2020 19:31

Well said @Didiplanthis hope your dad is okay. Is he online?

OP the official guidance is now live and support bubbles (not Christmas support bubbles but the support bubbles we’ve been in to support those on their own or if we’re alone) are an exemption to the tier 4 travel ban. I think what you have planned is fine.

We all need to be kind to those who are struggling with really tough decisions at the moment to support loved ones - it’s not house parties or big family gatherings - the rules and guidance are about protecting those we love and supporting those alone is a big part of that.

Original poster
friendlyflicka · 19/12/2020 20:08

Thank you so much: you have been so much support through this difficult decision making. Think I am probably feeling more stressed because I haven't allowed myself any friendship activities, even outside because of the risk to my Dad for the last couple of weeks...

Really appreciate you all. And since my father's favourite is Meet Me at St Louis, we really will have a Merry Little Christmas (although I wish the PM hadn't appropriated the line!)

OP posts:
BethlehemIsInTier1 · 19/12/2020 20:10

Yes he can come, he is part of your support bubble and you care for him.

Daydreamsinglorioustechnicolor · 19/12/2020 20:12

No limit to distance for support bubble. You can be together for Christmas x

goodwinter · 19/12/2020 20:12

@Willyoujustbequiet

How is it a support bubble that far apart?

He isnt allowed.

Don't be ridiculous. I am in a support bubble with my mum and my young brothers who are hundreds of miles away. We've been in a bubble this whole time.
BethlehemIsInTier1 · 19/12/2020 20:13

@HundredMilesAnHour

Tier 4 residents must not stay away overnight from home. He can't leave London.

You also shouldn't be going to London.

You're not really a support bubble when you don't live locally. London and Somerset is taking the piss rather.

I know it's awful and incredibly sad but many of us are all suffering. I haven't seen my family, including my elderly father all year. Like you OP, I don't know if this will be my father's last Christmas. But I would rather not be responsible for killing him, or his partner, or anyone else. So I will stay home alone.

He is 89 ffs in his own, god some people just love kicking others when they are down.
UnicornAndSparkles · 19/12/2020 20:14

Legally no, he can't. But what lawyer in their right mind would prosecute him for it?! He may get a FPN which he will then have to decide whether to pay or challenge. Realisticslly he may have little legal challenge but for the public interest test.

lovelemoncurd · 19/12/2020 20:16

Just do it. You don't need to ask Mumsnet. You make a judgment call. No one is going to prosecute you.

ceeveebee · 19/12/2020 20:16

From the gov website

www.gov.uk/guidance/tier-4-stay-at-home?priority-taxon=774cee22-d896-44c1-a611-e3109cce8eae#stay-at-home

Travelling out of a tier 4 area
You must stay at home and not leave your Tier 4 area, other than for legally permitted reasons such as:

travel to work where you cannot work from home
travel to education and for caring responsibilities

visit those in your support bubble - or your childcare bubble for childcare

attend hospital, GP and other medical appointments or visits where you have had an accident or are concerned about your health.

LoreBee · 19/12/2020 20:17

You’re both allowed a support bubble regardless of tiers, so I don’t see why not. If he’s had vaccine 1 and hasn’t seen anyone, I can’t imagine there’s any issue other than the taxi ride

emilyfrost · 19/12/2020 20:24

If he is in your support bubble then he’s allowed, even though he’s in Tier 4, as support bubbles are one of the exemptions.

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