Wedding photos and video...

[Turkishmumma]

I was heavily pregnant when I got married and really wasn't happy with the way I looked, I was having a lot of personal issues with my new changing body and the dress I ended up choosing to hide the pregnancy to make family happy, I felt like a hippo, and my hair didn't go right - just everything felt wrong about how I looked. I was also suffering from pre natal depression and anxiety, I was signed off work for months, just to clarify how bad it got.

Any who - its been just over a year and we have shared certain photos on social media for family to see, but now we have certain members constantly nagging to have copies of all the photos and the wedding video, I said that I still need time to think about it as I haven't given it much thought and I'm feeling very self conscious and pressured - DH has had enough of the nagging and has just said everyone can have what they want and has sat down with family go through ALL the pictures!

I feel like my feelings are invalid and that they are being ignored.

AIBU to limit what photos we give out as they will be on display for all their friends to see and to deny copies of the video?

I know the norm is to share everything when it comes to weddings but can't I just keep some things personal and just to me and my husband?

I fear I'm overreacting but right now, its taking all my might not to shout and cry 😢

I wouldn't say it's the norm at all, my parents are the only people who have a picture of my wedding day. I don't even have any of my own yet, and we've been married 5.5yrs!

I don't know anyone who has pictures up of someone else's wedding actually. Can you just pick one that your happy with and say they can have that, and any without you in it?

We had 9 guests at our wedding due to covid. My walking down the aisle with our son was recorded but only a handful of friends and family have seen it as it was a very precious moment and not to be shared with everyone or social media. Share what you like with who you like. They are your precious memories x

Thank you @1stTimeMama I may just do this.

@Butterbeeeen aw, I bet it was a bitter sweet moment, I'm glad I'm not the only one who thinks these moments are precious.

@BuggerBognor sorry to hear about your MIL - I think your comment is a little overboard with the narcissism bit - I guess I'm one of those people who care about how they look/ed on important days, nothing wrong with that, I take pride in my appearance. Being pregnant makes some people feel vulnerable, you're fortunate if you have didnt feel this way. I also can't see the fun in looking at wedding photos even my own I was bored at after a while!

It’s a bit strange to limit people photos tbh, people who love you just want pictures of your lovely day. It’s quite sad you didn’t like how you looked but, honestly, in time your upset about it will be a dim and distant memory. Even you won’t be looking through your wedding pictures 10, 15, 20 years on. Not sure why anyone would want the video though, other people’s wedding vids are actually quite boring.

I do think you are being rather controlling; people just want to remember and enjoy your special day.

My SIL did this
Beautiful dress, lovely venue, posh expensive photographer but she didn't like how she looked for some reason I never understood (I thought she looked lovely) so she banned anyone from seeing or buying photos

It really hurt my mum. She wanted some pics of her son's wedding. What's weird about that? Not necessarily for display but to keep as a memory in an album.

My DD was bridesmaid and I really wanted some pics of her

I mean if you invite people to your wedding to share it with you is it not a bit off not to let them have pics?

I'm 100% being controlling, I know I am. My main issue is that they want all manner of photos to have on display in their houses, I have said they can have the "best ones" and all of which I am not in, especially grandchildren and children as for some it was their firsts as bridesmaids and I would never not let them have those pictures.

@DougRossIsTheBoss that is sad, I see your point but they all had their phones and took a million of their own pictures, I know this for a fact as I have had to sit through looking at them all 🙄

I guess my main question really is, is it unreasonable to want to choose specific photos for them to have, ensuring they have pics of their nearest and dearest?

*again I know for a fact they will be on display in their houses as they have done this for all family weddings

Professional pics and amateur ones off an i phone are not the same though.

My mum just wanted one picture of her son and her daughter in law at the wedding. I mean it looks a wee bit odd just the groom on his own.

I don't suppose she would have minded if it was chosen for her (she would have preferred to choose her own given she was paying) but in fact she was allowed none at all and had to make do with a crappy amateur iPhone one which looked a bit odd in the album next to her other children's wedding photos.
She always worried people would think she didn't like her son enough to buy a nice one.

In the nicest possible way it really isn't all about you.
They want to put pics up to remember a happy event and celebrate their family. Everyone doesn't have to look perfect.

Maybe you could get some pics of you and DH done that you do approve of and give those to family instead.

I guess my main question really is, is it unreasonable to want to choose specific photos for them to have, ensuring they have pics of their nearest and dearest?

Yes, yes it is very unreasonable.

Yeh you are

If they are paying for the photos and wanting to put them in their own house then it should be their choice

You can choose the ones you pay for and put in your own house

Error my part, they aren't paying for any pictures. The professional photos are on a USB, we have a wedding album of specific photos that we chose from the USB - we are paying for them to printed and have paid for the photographer