Getting my ducks in a row

[Iwontbestuck]

My husband shouted at me today, whilst holding our 3yo dd. Whilst I am not sure the relationship is completely doomed I am not naive enough to know I need to start planning on how to get out.

We are married and have 1 dd. House is joint owned, car is registered to him but I am primary driver on the insurance. If I was to leave and take the car, can he report it as stolen?

I have all copies of DDs birth certificate, both our passports, our marriage certificate.

He has a significant chunk of our shared money in his account. If we resolve this I will work towards getting that transferred into our joint account. The mortgage is taken out of my account. We distribute funds accordingly after this and nursery has been paid (he pays for nursery).

What else do I need?

I think if the car is registered to him then yes he could do that. I would look at having money set aside for a new car.

You'll need the number of a solicitor.

You are very brave OP - well done for getting things in order.

Are you concerned about him becoming violent? I would just be careful with internet history etc

No, I'm not worried about him becoming violent. He's never even shouted at me before but it was so out of the blue and completely uncalled for it shocked me.

I have a little bit of money in my own name, maybe enough for a little car. I wouldn't even know where to start with finding a good solicitor.

So sorry to hear this OP In terms of a good Solicitor, put your region and 'family law' into Review Solicitors and that will come up with firms that score well for service and you can see how their pricing compares. Take care

Just because he shouted?

Or is there a load of back story that you didn't want to divulge?

I personally think saving enough money to be able to put down a deposit for a 2-3 bed rental property is a good idea

Without context op it's really impossible to say if you are being unreasonable. If was holding your child and shouted at you because you were inadvertently doing something that might be dangerous - no, not unreasonable. If he was shouting at you for not ironing his socks - very unreasonable.

It's really too open ended to say!

No, I'm not worried about him becoming violent. He's never even shouted at me before but it was so out of the blue and completely uncalled for it shocked me.

There must be more to it then surely?

Ok, shouting at your other half while holding your 3 year old isn't great but if it's out of character, surely your first reaction would be concern rather than to want to leave him?

Yes there is more going on, we've been unhappy for a while but this was over something quite small and really shocked me that he snapped. I'm questioning how much of his behaviour amounts to gaslighting. I watched my mother in an emotionally and financially abuse marriage and don't want to leave myself vulnerable to this.

I'm not leaving over this, I need to know what to have in place if that becomes an option I want to take in the future. Having enough to put a deposit down on a house does not happen overnight but is something I need to plan for now. It may come to nothing. I hope it does.

@WorraLiberty

No, I'm not worried about him becoming violent. He's never even shouted at me before but it was so out of the blue and completely uncalled for it shocked me.

There must be more to it then surely?

Ok, shouting at your other half while holding your 3 year old isn't great but if it's out of character, surely your first reaction would be concern rather than to want to leave him?

His mental health is poor, both of ours is but he is refusing to do anything about it, saying I'm the only thing that makes him miserable and it's up to me to fix myself in order to fix us. His lack of responsibility for himself, or desire to work on our relationship as equals troubles me. Shouting whilst holding dd (and scaring her in the process) is something he's never done before and is therefore another step down a road that I cannot fix by myself.

Make sure you get enough money from the joint account over time tot make care of you and your DD.

Unless the savings are earning good interest (unlikely atm) could you suggest putting the money into premium bonds and then you can invest in both, but not joint, names?

Well done op. That's how it started for me too. Do you have someone you can trust?

Joint account only requires one signature to move money. I have the pass book (considering taking it to my mums) so if it got to the point of leaving, first place I would go is the bank and move half. I wont take more than I am entitled to.

@OhioOhioOhio no one that can be impartial, or really understand. Everyone has their own agenda. I can always go back to my counsellor to talk but really the other person I would go to is his sister, so probably not the best idea.