Child arrangements, Christmas, & Covid

[FlightyEmu]

My children’s father and I have a court order in place for child arrangements. The children were supposed to go to his yesterday until Boxing Day.

There was a Covid case in school, so he’s saying he won’t have them until they both test negative. Ok. I took them for a test on Thursday, still haven’t had results back.

I’ve told him that we need a decision by tomorrow (Sunday) afternoon as to whether they’re going to his or staying here. The children are very unsettled as they don’t know where they’re going to be sleeping tonight, nevermind where they’ll be for Christmas. I need to know whether to get food in for the children this week or not. I’m supposed to be working this week, so need to know whether the kids are going to be here or not. And we have/had plans for Christmas.

He’s insisting that as soon as the test results come back negative, he’ll come and pick them up. I’m saying that’s fine, but if the results are not back by lunchtime Sunday we need to draw a line and say the kids are staying with me (or he picks them up regardless, but he won’t, which is fine; his choice).

AIBU here in setting a cut-off? I acknowledge that after years of abuse from him my perspective may be skewed.

He’s bonkers. A negative test only means that they don’t have Covid at that point, not that they won’t go on to develop it while they are isolating. I would tell him if he can’t isolate with them then to get stuffed and see them when they come out of isolation.

I said pretty much that! Their potential contact was Wed, so a test Thurs is unlikely to show anything anyway.
I offered to swap weeks, so he could have them Boxing Day until the new year, but apparently thats not possible as he has plans for New Year’s.

I just feel like he’s dictating terms that suit him, regardless of anybody else. And the testing timing just makes no sense at all, the results are meaningless.

As a parent I dont think he has a right to refuse to see his kids if they're ill, what if you did the same?

At the same time, I dont see your point with having a cut off.

You're being overly reasonable OP. Unless he's vulnerable I would expect him to just isolate with the kids as presumably you'll have to do if he doesn't take them. Why is it OK for you to be potentially exposed to the virus and not him?

I can barely believe what I am reading. If you and he were still together would he tell school or social services that they can’t come home until the test negatively.

He’s not remotely vulnerable, he’s perfectly healthy. I’m more vulnerable due to various conditions! But he’s insisting that the health of him and everyone in his house (ie his fit & healthy partner) is paramount, and he will not be risking that. Which makes zero sense, as obviously a negative test on Thursday doesn’t mean they’d be negative on Friday.

The point of the cut-off is so that I can tell the kids with certainty where they’re going to be this week. They’re getting very stressed by the idea that at any moment they could suddenly be going to his (they never want to go, but it’s court-ordered). And they want to know where they’ll be for Christmas. They’ve had an incredibly disrupted and difficult year (as we all have!).
Plus I need to be able to put plans in place this week for food shopping, work, and Christmas Day.

Bloody hell that man is a prize twat! Is this some kind of power move on his part? I can imagine any decent father not seeing their kids over Christmas for this reason. (If you were still together what would he have done? Moved out?).

Since the kids don't want to go and their dad is clearly an arsehole I'd just say to him sorry it's too late if you're not taking them now you're not taking them.

Then yes, I agree there should be a cut off. Not fair for the kids to be stressed over it. He refused the court ordered contact so it's not your problem in that regard.