DH and I have been invited to a friends wedding next summer. Well - the evening reception only. We’d have to get public transport there, which is a 5 hour journey. It’s at a venue in the middle of absolutely nowhere, many miles away from where my friend lives. There’s no accommodation at the venue so we would have to look at staying over in the nearest town. There’s no guarantee the pandemic will be over by then, and with all the travelling, plus the mixing with others, and the fact I fall into the vulnerable category, we made the decision to decline the invite. (We will of course send a card and gift closer to the time).
Background to our friendship - we went to college together 20 years ago and were pretty good friends back then. We lost contact after college and then found each other again on Facebook when that came along. We used to be in much more regular contact than we are these days, and had met up a couple of times, and she offered me support when I went through a horrific break-up a few years before meeting DH.
She and her H2B came to my own wedding 6 years ago, to the whole day and evening. It would have been approx half an hours drive for her to get there. We’ve kept regular contact since then via Facebook, but not spoken on the phone for many years or seen each other in person since my wedding.
Not long ago, she shared one of those cringey “tag your best girls “ posts on Facebook and I didn’t make the cut, I wasn’t hugely bothered as I think posts like that are a bit school playground-ish. But it’s clear she doesn’t see me as one of “her girls” or whatever. I know from FB comments I’ve seen that she’s invited quite a few friends to the day and evening.
I emailed our RSVP (as that was how they had asked for people to do it), I basically said, thank you so much for inviting us, we are sorry to say we won’t be able to make it etc
I was a little taken aback by the fact a few hours later, I received a FB message from her, asking for a reason why we couldn’t come..!
I was honest and said that due to the ongoing pandemic we had to make this decision, due to me being vulnerable and the travelling that would be involved, and (this is true btw) the last thing we wanted to do was have to change our minds at the last minute, as we know only too well from our own wedding planning that it really messes things up when people do that.
I don’t think it went down too well, she replied with “Oh, okay”.
I will admit - I obviously haven’t told her this - that the fact we’ve been invited to the evening only is a small part of why we declined - I understand why people sometimes have a separate evening guest list.. but there’s part of me that feels like wow.. an 5 hour journey for just the evening?!
When we were planning our wedding, there were - I think - two or three people who declined the invite and didn’t give a reason, and I wouldn’t have dreamed of asking for one - but that’s just me.
Am I an awful person?! Do my genuine reasons for declining seem ridiculous? Have I done something terrible here? Should I have accepted the invite and worried about the pandemic situation closer to the time?