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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Trigger warning

12 replies

Besswess88 · 19/12/2020 01:39

I am 45 years old.

I have just seen that the then 19 yr old person who raped 13 yr oldme in a stingy nettle patch during a disco related to the hobby we had is FB friends with 6 other friends (who of course do not know).

I thought I had blocked him.

He’s so high up in a company it fucks me off, married with two kids abs years ago messaged me like an absolute letch.

OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 19/12/2020 01:41

I'm so sorry @Besswess88, didn't want to read and run.

Have you got RL support? Would you consider doing now what you couldn't do then and report him?

Besswess88 · 19/12/2020 01:43

I want to message him and tell him what a total cunt I think he is (we have 9 mutual friends not 6).

But I know that’s not a good idea.

OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 19/12/2020 01:45

Do it and then block him? I mean he's unlikely to tell your friends is he? But make sure he's blocked because you don't need to hear his defensive crap.

Sparkledot · 19/12/2020 02:09

If I had this 'chance' I would do it. Message him and tell him what a prick he is. Hope you will be ok op

DramaAlpaca · 19/12/2020 02:11

No advice, but I'm so sorry that happened to you Flowers What an utter bastard.

BitOfFun · 19/12/2020 02:17

Did you say he had messaged you?

I'm so sorry- what a horrible situation.

user1473878824 · 19/12/2020 02:18

I’m so sorry OP.

YoniAndGuy · 19/12/2020 17:50

Would you feel able to report him now?

I'm sorry.

MatildaTheCat · 19/12/2020 18:08

If you can find the courage to report this please do. Even if it doesn’t lead to a conviction it will validate your very valid distress and trauma. It will also lead to him having to be subject to a police investigation and some explaining to his wife.

BaseDrops · 19/12/2020 18:31

I’d send him a link to a website about reporting historical abuse.

You don’t have to do it. But he will suffer knowing you are thinking about it.

MyMessageToYou · 19/12/2020 18:54

@BaseDrops, wow what a great idea!

Here is the UK address
rapecentre.org.uk/historicalabuseandreporting.php

I was based in Ireland, so I reported to gardai a few years afterwards (not at the time sadly). There is the equivalent page

www.garda.ie/en/crime/sexual-crime/i-want-to-report-a-historical-sexual-crime-what-should-i-do-.html

DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult · 19/12/2020 19:10

I don't think the advice to message him is very good advice tbh.

What he did to you was about power, and you sending an angry message to him now will validate that for him, knowing that it is still effecting you won't make him feel bad but any, or no, response will likely make you feel worse.

Whether you report it or not is a different matter as well, and something I might be wary of.

In the most gentle way possible, its pretty unlikely that he will get charged, let alone convicted, and you need to think about how that would make you feel.

It may be that it will feel good to finally report it and get your story written down officially, or it may have a detrimental effect on your life if it doesn't go further forward.

I guess what I am trying to say if that nothing he will say at this point is going to make you feel any better, so you need to think only about you, what you need, and how to get yourself through the shock of seeing him again.

Have you had any rl support for what he did to you? Would you consider a support group or counselling?

Fwiw I believe you, and you have absolutely no blame in this whatsoever Flowers

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