To ask what it’s like to be married to someone with Aspergers

[Haveapickle]

Just that really?

What's it like to be married to any human?

Which newspaper are you writing for op?

Probably just like being married to anyone. Presumably, they weren't dropped on your doorstep by the stork and you had a whole courtship where you decided to marry them

My cousin has aspergers, obviously i never attempted to marry him, but he's a nice chap and a very engaged father. Why do you ask?

@DiseasesOfTheSheep

What's it like to be married to any human?

THIS. Honestly, they are not all the same, OP. What possessed you to ask such a daft question?

I could tell you what it's like to be married to my dh (although I don't have a marriage to someone without aspergers syndrome to compare it to). It wouldn't be much help though, people who have aspergers syndrome are all different.

My dh has Asperger's. We only realised after DD was diagnosed. It's not always easy. He lacks a bit of executive functioning eg loses documents, forgets things and does not always exercise good judgement. He is very clever academically and quite creative. He gets very fixed ideas about what other people should do without taking their actual expressed ideas into account, which causes conflict with parenting.
Not always easy but we
Have lasted 23 years.

All people are different, all people with aspergers are different, all marriages are different. People aren't just their aspergers so it's really not an answerable question.

There's a long-running thread in relationships.

If you have Aspergers, it makes for awful reading.

It depends on the person, there's no one size fits all. My ex boyfriend had Aspergers and I couldn't deal with the selfishness. He became obsessed over things easily, one month it'd be playing football, another it'd be entering 5k races .. but whatever he chose each time would be all-consuming. All of his time and money went on these fleeting hobbies, and he didn't have either time for me or money to save for the future he claimed to want with me. He wasn't good at being able to tell when I was upset, and was always confused when I said I wanted to spend more time with him, he said I should get a hobby too. I had two hobbies; one evening per week each, and tried to compromise to say we should both do our hobbies on these nights then spend time together other evenings. He would never budge on the need to engage in his hobbies daily, and when he WAS with me he was on his phone researching his hobbies.

That's just my personal experience, and is by no means representative of all (or maybe any!) other people with Aspegers.

@vanillandhoney

There's a long-running thread in relationships.

If you have Aspergers, it makes for awful reading.

Well, it's not for people with Aspergers. Sorry if posters' honesty is upsetting to you, but there it is.

As they say, if it's not about you, it's not about you.

Well, it's not for people with Aspergers. Sorry if posters' honesty is upsetting to you, but there it is.

As they say, if it's not about you, it's not about you.

I never said I was upset or made it about me - all I said was that it doesn't make for pleasant reading.

@vanillandhoney

Well, it's not for people with Aspergers. Sorry if posters' honesty is upsetting to you, but there it is.

As they say, if it's not about you, it's not about you.

I never said I was upset or made it about me - all I said was that it doesn't make for pleasant reading.

Then my apologies to you.

But that thread has been derailed a number of times by people with AS trying to police it.

But that thread has been derailed a number of times by people with AS trying to police it.

Oh, I know. I've read it!

I do think it's important for people to have a "safe space" to vent about their marriages. My post was more of a "heads up" in case anyone with Aspergers wanted to go and search for it :)

@vanillandhoney

But that thread has been derailed a number of times by people with AS trying to police it.

Oh, I know. I've read it!

I do think it's important for people to have a "safe space" to vent about their marriages. My post was more of a "heads up" in case anyone with Aspergers wanted to go and search for it :)

Ah, I see. Renewed apologies, then.

Still don't think people with AS should go there; it's not likely to help them or the thread denizens. They could always start a thread "my NT partner is so irrational" if they liked, I guess.

You do realise that people with Aspergers aren't all the same?

By all means read the thread in relationships about Aspergers but do so realising it is 99% of neurotypical spouses who are deeply unhappy in their marriages. The vast majority have self-diagnosed their husbands and they regularly demonstrate their ignorance of aspergers and autism through repetition of myths and untruths. (Eg not understanding the difference between affective and cognitive empathy)

I feel very sorry for these women as they are clearly in unhappy relationships, with some their partners sounding extremely abusive, and they absolutely need support. But sadly there is a visceral hatred of those of us with Asperger’s on that thread alongside rampant ableism, so please be aware you are only getting one view of (what they believe to bej an ND/NT relationship and that it is presented as the only one that is valid.

It's like asking what is it like being married to a guy called Dave?

There are particular problems that can come from being married to someone with asperger's. By definition they will have some problem with social communication, social interaction and rigidity of thinking/social imagination.

However how that presents itself can be very individual to each relationship. I know of one relationship where the husband basically was awful to the children as he resented them taking away time from his wife. Another one where the husband had made them his special interest and was devoted to them/ full on attachment parent. I don't think there is an answer to your question.

Are you with someone. What do you think might be the difficulties?