I have to be selfish sometimes

[isobel79]

So my friend called me yesterday. A friend who I haven't seen since I think January.
They asked if they could come stay with me for couple nights because of issues at home. I thought about it and in usual circumstances it would be no problem. But seeing as we in a pandemic and I have a four year old son, I think my son comes first health wise etc
So I just explained my reasoning behind why I don't thibk it's a good idea and I know they were pissed off. They ended the call with "I'll call u later". Ffs. Aibu?

Have you not seen them since January because of covid or other understable reasons or are they a bit of a user who only gets in touch when they need something?

What's the issues? If it's domestic abuse then I would say yes, pack a bag and don't look back. If it's that they are decorating the spare room, no, get stuffed.

That would be a straight no from me. You did the right thing. Really? What was she thinking.

If you haven’t spoken since January, presumably she must be quite desperate for somewhere to stay to have asked you.

It does depend a lot on the backstory and what the “issue” is. If she has a lot of history of drama and moving in and out every time she has an argument with her partner, then fair enough to refuse.

However if it’s the first time she’s ever needed a place to stay, and it’s for a serious reason then I would have let her personally.

Unless your son has other conditions, children are quite low risk of getting ill from covid, and you could ask her to distance from you both.

I couldn’t imagine turning down a friend in need unless my son was ECV

What were the issues at home? There’s a big difference in row in an otherwise harmonious relationship or escaping DV

Yeah the issues at home are key here. Difficult to say otherwise.

This really depends on what their issue is.

If it's actual problems and she needs somewhere to go there is no way I would turn a friend down.

Not being selfish. Your responsibility is keeping your son safe.

Thanks all
Well it's a him and apparently he has moved out of his marital home because of some argument.
Thing is it's a bit adhoc when I hear from him. He's a very dear friend. Apparently he's been living in a hotel for two weeks and has some health problem. But it was just yesterday I heard from him for about a month!!!
I did wonder if he was using me as doesn't appear he has anywhere to go. My son was put on the EV list back when covid started but has since been cleared by our gp. I just feel like this person is just exploiting my vulnerable side. Because usually it wouldn't be an issue

It completely depends on the issues

Also, is your DS at school/nursery?

Last day of school was today

Sounds like there is a backstory. If you don't feel comfortable, stick to your guns. Trust your gut. Hope it works out.
It gets harder to turn someone down at Christmas, but only you know the full details, and your feelings about it all.

Honestly, I'd always prioritise my family over a friend. He chose to move out of the marital home because of an argument. (I assume he wasn't being abused.) He and his wife may be going through a rough patch, or they may be splitting entirely, but they can continue to live together until he works out another place to stay.

No DV as far as I know. I am gonna go with my gut. This sounds harsh but he's not my responsibility! Apparently he won't go to his family so he has put me in a difficult predicament. Bur as you say, I'm doing what's best for me and my son. 😊

If he moved in, it might be difficult to get him out. I wouldn't have someone for "a couple of days" unless it was very clear where they were going to go afterwards.

Good point mess all over🤔

I wouldn’t touch that situation with a bargepole, pandemic or no pandemic.

@upsidedownwavylegs

I wouldn’t touch that situation with a bargepole, pandemic or no pandemic.

This.

The whole situation has got shower of shit written all over it.

It's a week before bloody Christmas. What kind of insufferable selfish arse asks someone they haven't spoken to in months if they can stay, open ended a week before Christmas?!

Even tried to call him to c if he is OK. Going straight to voicemail 🤬