Should we stay or should we go?

[zebrachick]

Hello hello
Seasons Greetings MN!
I think I know what I should do here but seeking reassurance! Tough being a single mum & having to make all the decisions.
My family are tier 3 & we are tier 2.
We made plans months ago to visit them for a night on Boxing Day. They are a big family, here it's just DS & me. We have great friends/neighbours here for socially distanced festivities.
To get to them we have to take two trains. It takes 2 hours. I subtlety mentioned that some friends are changing their plans & rearranging meet ups for post-vaccine next summer?
It did not go down well, nor did my worldometer statistics. They are expecting us to still come & seem put out that we are even considering not coming. WWYD?

Just to add, they are in 40s with 4 kids under 16. No older relatives.

Post vaccine isn’t really relevant for you. If you’re all young with no other conditions, it’s going to be a long wait for a vaccine.

If you don’t want to go, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with cancelling.

Do what feels right for you. If they don't understand then they are arseholes

I'd consider it if I could drive there, but you'll be exposing yourself to literally hundreds more people on the way there. I would say no.

It’s the public transportation that’s the bugger here. I wouldn’t do it for that reason alone.

If you could hire a car and stay for 2 nights then I would go as family time is important. As long as you have a good relationship with them....

I really wouldn’t want to take public transport and it’s okay to decide not to go now, whatever your reasons. They might not be happy but it’s got to be your decision. You’re the one with the train journey. Would you be staying there overnight?

If you decide not to go you know stats won’t make them more receptive as you’ve already tried so just say you’re sorry, the situation has changed therefore your decision has too and you can FaceTime on the day if they’d like to. Don’t get into a discussion, just be clear and direct.

Thanks all. @AnneLovesGilbert being direct is something I need to work on, so thanks for that.
I think they'll get over it.
It's train or nothing, unfortunately...

It’s so difficult being in this sort of situation, I do understand. Your job is to do what you can to keep yourself and your children safe and to have the most peaceful and happy Christmas you can given the state of the world right now.

Would you feel better writing down what you want to say, planning when and how to say it and just biting the bullet?

You’re not ruining anyone Christmas by not going. Of course it’s a terrible shame, hardly anyone is doing what they want this year. It sucks. But you really do have to do what’s right for yourself, that’s okay. You’re being a good mum by avoiding dragging your child/children on public transport for hours. You are. So if you’ve made a decision I think you’ll feel better when you’ve told them, that it’s not a negotiation, and the back and forth is behind you.

@zebrachick

Just to add, they are in 40s with 4 kids under 16. No older relatives.

Then say you'd review if they collect and drop you to reduce your risk.

Are they the sort to have been sensible?

I’d go.

There are very few trains running on Boxing Day, can you even get there by train? I wouldn't go, but then I've spent the last six Christmas periods on my own so it doesn't really bother me.

I'd go. They're not in the old/vulnerable category, neither are you. If you adhere to the rules when using the transportation there's minimal risk, transport will probably also be a lot quieter and as someone above said you will be waiting a long time for a vaccine in your position and so will they. Hope you have a lovely time