To be annoyed that my husband has gone to work on his day off

[Icloud54]

Husband has a new job role and has a slight backlog to complete due to the job being vacant before he was in post (NHS)

Booked annual leave for today so we could do some last minute Christmas prep, I have a 2 year old and a 3 month old and was looking forward to him being home a day in the week so I could have some help here, he's usually good at helping at home.

Anyway he's fucking decided to go in for 3 hours to catch up and I'm livid because what's the point booking a day off?

He said it would be for a hour or 2, left the house at 9am and he's not back yet.

AIBU?

Oh that’s tough. Did he tell you or discuss it with you? I can understand him wanting to catch up some of the back log. However that doesn’t help you. Did he know your plans for today? Is he working the weekend?

That poor man

Really depends on his role and reason why he had to go in.

I can understand you being disappointed. Being at home with a 2 year old and a 3 month old is hard! But it sounds like he's under a lot of pressure at work. He's new to the role and probably eager to prove himself. I worked for the NHS in a former life and although it depends on his role, my experience was that being called in on your day off was very much par for the course I'm afraid.

He should have discussed itwith you first but I have synmpathy for him - just started a new job with a big workload and wants to get on top of it.

Yanbu

He should at least have discussed it with you, not just gone. Or trying to work out if there was a better time to go in, rather than the “prime” of the day.

agree depends on role. My DH is annoyed because I have Monday and the booked off but trust has declared critical incident and this week 50% of my team tested positive for Covid. They are not particularly unwell but will ask have to do protect work from home for 10 days. Another messaged me this morning to say she was positive so just as others are due to return it goes on and on. I don't feel as team lead that I can be at home relaxing whilst my team go through such tremendous stress so feel I need to be there. It is all hands on deck at the moment until we are through this. NHS is a vocation. We certainly don't do it for the money😂

He did discuss and said just for an hour or 2 which was fine but when it's over 3 hours I'm thinking what was the point booking the day off.

When you have such a young baby and a toddler you do really look forward to an extra pair or hands to help or just the company at home

Yanbu, its not considerate of you or the children who probably want to spend time with their dad too.

May be he gone to get your pressie ( so alone ) before heading back?

I can understand why you’re upset. I’ve been in your position and had to bite my tongue. But my husband and I both work for the NHS and both do this from time to time. We’ve learned to cut each other some slack. It’s horrible feeling stressed at work at then coming home to an angry partner.

Do you do anything to bring in some money?

Yes I also work in the NHS but on maternity at the moment, not sure why that is relevant.

Thank you for the helpful responses

@CrotchBurn

Do you do anything to bring in some money?

Yes, I presume she looks after the children

Knowing what the NHS has been like in the last 9 months I very much doubt the backlog was slight. Also, with the shitshow that we are all expecting to land on it after Christmas, it sounds like he is doing the sensible thing in trying to get a bit on top of everything now. Everyone I know in the NHS is doing similar. You're just going to have to suck it up I'm afraid.

Do you do anything to bring in some money?

With a 3 month old baby I'd imagine the OP was on maternity leave? Don't be shitty.

I can understand your perspective and frustration, it tis a pickle however, at least it's all for the greater good

I feel for you both. I have two toddlers - I only have one or two days a week solo with them and it's both amazing and utterly exhausting!

But I also hate the stress of work hanging over me - he's probably under more pressure as it's a new role so I'd cut him some slack.

I worked in the NHS for decades. I was called into work every single Good Friday without exception. It became a bit of a running joke in this house. It’s par for the course, I’m afraid.

Maybe he hasnt gone into work? He might have gone off to do some shopping? When it comes to work i keep it simple. If im rostered to be in work, im in work. If im not, then im not. If im in work when i shouldnt be, the clock ticks and i get paid**

Thanks guys I'll cut him some slack, just frustrating of course.

He's back now, we can get on with our day

YANBU! I can understand if he told you that it was just too busy and that he couldn't take annual leave at the minute, but what is the point of taking a day of leave and going in anyway? It's just a waste of a day of leave and means that your plans are wasted. He's not even told you when he'll be home so that leaves you to have to wait around. I wouldn't be impressed.

I work in the NHS and I'm going to have to go in all day on boxing day to finish paperwork as I've no other time to do it.

I shall be working xmas day and boxing day,,and not by choice i might ad. bah humbug

@CrotchBurn

Do you do anything to bring in some money?

Are you always a dumbass or is it a treat because it’s Christmas?