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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be annoyed at this woman?

27 replies

HarryHarryHarry · 17/12/2020 19:36

Would you be annoyed if a total stranger grabbed your child in the park?

Me and my children (boy aged 2, girl aged 1) were in the park in the snow where we live. My son is going through a bit of a jealous phase where he pretends that he can’t do something by himself in order to take my attention away from his baby sister. I was putting her on the swings when he started shouting that he couldn’t walk on the snow to reach us just a few yards away. I said “OK, let me just get your sister in the swing then I’ll come back and get you”. Cue full-blown tantrum. A woman who was nearby who had heard everything I’d said then came marching over. I said “Please just leave him, he doesn’t like being touch—-” but before I could finish my sentence she grabbed him, picked him up (quite roughly) and sort of dragged him across the snow to me. As I tried to tell her, he hates being touched by strangers so he went absolutely apeshit crying his eyes out. I was so angry but I didn’t say anything. I feel like this woman suddenly decided she knew how to deal with the situation better than me, his mother, and chose to override my parenting decision and ignore what I said to her, thereby making everything 100x worse.

Just interested in what other people would have done in this situation. Is it ever OK to pick up someone else’s child when they’re not actually hurt or in danger? Especially during Covid times? Or am I just making a big deal over nothing? Should I have said something?

OP posts:

ForestNymph · 17/12/2020 19:52

In that circumstance, yes. That would've annoyed me.

I thought initially you meant if your child had fallen or something and in those circumstances I would be fine with it. That woman was just being an interfering idiot.

BibbityBobbityBellend · 17/12/2020 19:54

It was a silly thing to do but I assume she thought she was helping and had good intentions.

mbosnz · 17/12/2020 20:01

I'd be annoyed too, and pissed off, she was being officious.

I say that as someone who looking back, had good intentions, but have sometimes been that person who was overbearingly intent on 'helping'. I try to do better now, lol.

Freddiefox · 17/12/2020 20:06

I’d have said something to her. It’s not her business. Why didn’t you say something.

MrsSleepyHB · 17/12/2020 20:11

During covid to be it's madness to do that, not that I would be happy about it in normal times either. What a busy body!

TheTrashBagIsOursCmonTrashBag · 17/12/2020 20:16

That would piss me off too and I think most 2 year olds would be upset at being dragged anywhere by a total stranger.

ScalpHelp · 17/12/2020 20:18

I’m in two minds about this:

She shouldn’t have got involved when you said not to, and she certainly shouldn’t have touched, let alone dragged him.

But at the same time, it does show him that his attention seeking antics have (negative) consequences. From an outside perspective, it definitely would have looked like you were struggling very much in the moment - a child that might slip and hurt themselves vs a baby that can’t be left unattended. I can see why she thought you needed help.

ScalpHelp · 17/12/2020 20:20

To clarify, she may have thought he was in danger if she overheard what he said

ParadiseLaundry · 17/12/2020 20:24

I would be absolutely foaming if someone did that to my child under those circumstances (very clearly being told not to!).

It's doesn't even sound like she was trying to help but came across wrong.

ScalpHelp · 17/12/2020 20:25

I’m guessing she didn’t notice she made him cry as he was already in a full blown tantrum, so probably thought it was a continuation

Xmasiscoming85 · 17/12/2020 20:28

I think she meant well, she could see you had your hands full so thought she was helping. She should have asked something like this "would you like me to bring him over to you?" before attempting to touch him. It was interfering though at the same time and I would have been a bit annoyed, especially as you'd indicated that he didn't like to be touched by strangers. The only time I'd intervene with someone else's children is if they were in danger of being hurt; about to walk in front of a moving swing or something like that.

MichelleScarn · 17/12/2020 20:28

What scalp said, one child screaming out of your reach, small child you'd probably be worried to leave, doubt she meant harm.

Xmassprout · 17/12/2020 20:29

YANBU in those circumstances.

If your child was hurt or in danger I could understand why she did it. But not in those circumstances.

SleepingStandingUp · 17/12/2020 20:31

From another perspective, she saw a 2 yo stumbling in the snow saying he couldn't walk and a Mom busy trying to get a baby onto a swing who then can't really leave the baby lest she falls out. So perhaps thought she was helping in a grumpy way?

funinthesun19 · 17/12/2020 20:32

The only time it’s ever ok is to help a child who is in danger.

If it’s just because someone wants to be an interfering busy body then no it’s not ok.

AnnaSW1 · 17/12/2020 20:37

I'd have lost my shit over this and been tempted to drag her along just like she'd done to my child. See how she likes it.

EdwardCullensBiteOnTheSide · 17/12/2020 20:39

Where is this snow?

Dinosaur19 · 17/12/2020 20:40

Oh no no no you don’t touch a strangers child unless they’re in imminent danger, surely?! I don’t even touch my friends kids atm during COVID times and would be absolutely raging if a stranger picked up my son, especially at the moment.

warmandtoasty2day · 17/12/2020 21:00

@EdwardCullensBiteOnTheSide

Where is this snow?

i want to go there, i love snow !

YakkityYakYakYak · 17/12/2020 21:18

YANBU, it was an odd thing to do. Guess maybe she was trying to help but she should have just asked if you needed help, or stopped when you told her not to touch him. I’d never dream of picking up a strangers child unless they were in danger.

BenoneBeauty · 17/12/2020 21:19

I agree with @ScalpHelp

dayswithaY · 17/12/2020 22:24

My son was about two and we were walking through some gardens on a day out. He did that thing where he didn't want to walk with us, I asked him several times then said "Ok then, bye" and started walking. Everyone knows you don't actually walk off and leave your child you just walk slow enough for them to catch up.

This interfering busy body man actually came out of the cafe and approached him saying "It's alright mate" as if he was there to make it all better. I never moved so fast in my life and scooped up my son and glared angrily at the man. I don't think he had bad intentions, he obviously just thought I needed to be taught a lesson. I regret not ripping his head off.

Yummymummy2020 · 17/12/2020 22:47

I wouldn’t like it either it’s very interfering. I agree if he had of fallen or something but I don’t see why she felt the need to do that in this situation.

Cam2020 · 17/12/2020 22:53

Definitely not OK! The only time it would be acceptable is if a child were in danger.

IMNOTSHOUTING · 17/12/2020 23:12

I'd be irritated too. I could see how she might think she was being helpful if he'd falled over and she was just bringing him to you to or obviously if he was running toward a road or something but in this situation it was totally uncalled for.

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