To be so fed up of this woman

[Wineandshine]

I’m probably going to be told I’m massively unreasonable but I am feeling very fed up. I live in a very small place, I am not from this place and they are not welcoming of new people. Anyway since I have had my baby, I have tried joining the very few socially distanced baby groups available. This woman has been very unwelcoming to the point of being down right rude. I have had 1 conversation with another person without her being their, one in the whole time I have lived here. Other than my husband I don’t talk to anybody. She is involved in every group and every activity, there are not that many and I just feel I’m too old for this playground drama. All the other woman know each other and just generally ignore me despite my attempts at conversation. I just feel so sad. I miss my friends and my family. I miss having a purpose. I also miss my old self where I would have the confidence to laugh at this situation. It would just be nice to be asked on a walk or have a conversation with someone. Is this what small village living is like? A queen bee with a dislike of new people?

Bloody hell that sounds horrible OP. I live in a small village and we don't have anything like that as far as I'm aware. In fact the extraverts of the village (not me!) always seem incredibly friendly to newcomers. That might be because we're a sort of new commuter hotspot though so it's not unusual to have lots of new faces.

Not here in my very small village, no. But there are arseholes in all sorts of places. Sorry you’re having a hard time.

Small village life can be a bit like this but it’s also because those groups tend to be cliquey and bitchy! I’m not a newcomer where I live and have felt similar to you when I took Dd when she was younger. Mainly because I’m not in with the mum crowd 🤣

Is there any alternative other than moving? As the idea of our children going through school together and this being my life is awful. It would make a great tv drama..... but honestly I feel like this woman must be dying inside. Surely nobody who behaves like this is happy?

Oh OP, I feel your pain.

Similar story here, moving into a village with very young DC. Although in our case the person in question was initially nice whilst deciding if I was worth talking to. Once she'd decided I didn't fit things went decidedly downhill and she seems to make a point of the fact that she likes and is friends with everyone but me. She is involved with absolutely everything so it was impossible to avoid her, and any time I would strike up a conversation with anyone she would jump in and sort of lead them away so there was no hope. It's so hard as of course I didn't want to be everyone's friend, but I just didn't want to be blocked from the opportunity of making other friends either. Writing it down sounds so like school and melodramatic, but it was truly just awful. In small villages it's also hard not to be paranoid that people are talking about you etc.

Unfortunately for us, she was also our neighbour. Whilst she made it clear she didn't like me it didn't seem to stop her making many many CF requests of us. It's all just been so bizarre. I am an introvert so ok with anonymity and don't need many friends at all, but I just found being in that environment really hard as there was definitely a sense of active exclusion.

My only advice is to look beyond the village if that's possible where you live? Are you near a town where you could join groups instead? Things may gradually improve within the village (there is very probably someone else that feels exactly the same as you but you don't know it as they're hiding!), but that will at least give you some interaction and keep your confidence up (as it's hard not to start questioning what the hell is wrong with you in that situation!).

Our solution sadly was to move. We might not have gone that far if it wasn't for the fact that she was also our neighbour. That was just too hard and we just needed a fresh start.

Oh I didn’t realise there were so many women like this out there. Unfortunately the town despite being bigger also operates with the same group of women. I don’t think there are that many of us with very young babies. The CF thing also! If you happen to say no then you are making no effort. No I will not look after your child while you do housework and I juggle my prem newborn and my business. Sigh. I’m glad you found a way out. It’s so frustrating when you can’t even complain to anyone as they all know and adore them 😂

OP you sound like you're in the exact same village I was! It drove me mad having no one to complain to (well except my poor DH) as everyone else loves them. And the person concerned was particularly fond of asking for childcare (which unsurprisingly was never reciprocated) so that she could have her friends round for coffee without the kids. Took me ages to have the guts to just say no.

Good luck. I promise there are probably others just like you, hope you can find someone!

I would suggest there is something about you she doesn't like. As in she sees you as better than her at something. Or could be.

Could be looks, your husband's looks, job, your husband's job. Etc. With people like this, there is something.

Somehow you are competition whether you know about it or not.

Hi OP, we moved away from where I grew up (away from family and friends) to a village when my son was 1 - even though I'm friendly with everyone (literally, I'm confident so have no problems talking to strangers, saying hello to anyone, making new friends), I do have a kind of 'anti-social' side to me, in that, I really can't be bothered to form relationships, iyswim - when I started taking my son to playgroups, I noticed the clicky groups of moms who'd attended school together, fast forward several years and the same group are PTAs !!! they stand together in the playground now and no-one can be bothered with them, they are very judgemental! You don't want to be friends with ppl like that, you're an outsider to them and you always will be. You'll find friends soon, ppl in your shoes when you baby starts pre-school/school so don't worry. Don't change or try to fit in as this will make you more unhappy. Give it time.
Soon there will come a time when your child is at school

If it helps op, I don't think this is a village wide thing.

The other mums hated me because I look like I don't have a job. Hoodies. Leggings. Etc.

Now they know I have a professional job they still blank me.

Can't win. So I think fuck them. I take work calls in my trackies. I'm done with making other people feel comfortable when they are rude to me.

I've worked from home since long before Covid.

I really feel for you OP. I felt like this when I first moved to my small rural town with a small baby... and it was easier then with lots of groups to try out... some of the library singing mums were a bit snooty, organic broccoli, frugi clothes and cloth nappies (not that I’m criticising that, but it had to be a certain quality of motherhood or you were looked down on) I found my tribe and things improved so much from there.
Covid is horrible as you have so few options for meeting people atm. Could your health visitor help you find a friendlier group?