Christmas in a family contact centre

[UndertheCedartree]

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We have a young family member who's only time with their baby at Christmas time will be in a family contact centre. He is feeling quite down about it.

Does anyone have any experience with this? What could we do to make the session a bit more festive? Are there any other ways we could support him more in general?

Anyone?

I'm not really sure on the rules of what you'd be allowed to bring or do, so might be worth checking if you're allowed to bring food/drinks/music/presents etc. I think really with a little one it's more about just spending the time with them anyway, but if your family member is feeling very down then not being along after the contact session is important so supporting him is more likely to be around that session than during it. I imagine the session will pass incredibly quickly.

Can he take a gift for his baby? Maybe a toy he could engage the baby with.

Otherwise I'd suggest he could take a christmas book to read, or sing some Christmas songs with the baby, or tell the baby about his own Christmas memories.

I’ve worked at a contact centre. We allowed food and gifts at Christmas also had toys from a toy drive for parents to give if they were not able to buy a gift. We didn’t specifically decorate but did have some special crafts and foods available.

It’s a pretty unnatural environment and it’s hard not to feel scrutinized. I’d bring a favourite book, toys and try to make the best of it. He might be able to ask staff to put some music. If conditions are very strict there will be toys there.

@VictoriasCousin - yes, thank you we will support him after his contact.
@Stompythedinosaur - those sound lovely ideas. He will have presents to take and I was thinking of making a photo book for them to look at. I definitely have some Christmas books he can take.

@Canuckduck - I know this sounds silly but can he make himself a cup of tea there and could I send him a mince pie to have to make things seem a bit more 'normal' even though the baby is too young to be having mince pies yet! If he took a Christmas outfit to change baby into would the staff take a photo of them together?

Would it be good for him to have his own changing bag with nappies etc? Or is it expected he uses what the mother brings?

Why can he only see them in a contact centre? Is he abusive? The mother may not want to change the baby in a cold/public place. It’s hard enough just getting babies dressed and put let alone changing them when you’re out. He needs to think about what’s best for the baby and not him at this time.

And out*

Call the specific contact centre, the one I had to take my son to was usually decorated for the ‘big’ festivals so it didn’t look as clinical. The staff used to take photos if the adult had permission for photos of the child to be taken, but they may refuse at the minute due to not wanting to handle phones?

@Strangedayindeed - no, he's not abusive and the mother won't be there. It will be a warm/private room. Baby is young enough to need lots of nappy changes and chamge of clothes so although I agree baby comes first - putting him in a Christmas babygro is hardly very difficult or likely to upset baby.

We would’ve allowed those things where I worked but staff would’ve have observed changing etc. We didn’t have tea making facilities but families often brought food including take away drinks. We took the photos. I would bring a few supplies, if nothing else it looks like good planning. The mother might provide a bag if the child needs specific products.

However all this should be clarified. He likely has either a Social Worker or Lawyer he can ask. Or call the centre itself.

@Canuckduck - thank you very much for your advice

@UndertheCedarTree he is best ringing the Contact Centre directly if he has their details. I help at a centre run by charity for "supported contact" and both parents had to sign paperwork in advance to agree whether photos and gifts are allowed. We provide hot drinks for a small charge, but parents can bring their own.
We do try to make it Christmassy and enjoyable for all, but it is best to check arrangements for photos and gifts in advance.

If there's a gift like a Teddy he could take a picture of himself with the bear first then it can go with the Teddy as part of gift - nice connection for them.
Encourage him to make sure the visit is child focused. There is no need to change the child into a Christmas outfit that is purely for an adults benefit pop a Christmas bib on instead. Remind him not to wear strong smelling aftershave, if the baby is unfamiliar with him it might be upsetting for them. Just help him to be prepared that he might have to be funny/sing songs/play - so many parents kind of 'freeze' in these situations and it can be hard for them to engage with their little one.

You sound very lovely and supportive. He is lucky to have family like you supporting him.

@Handbagchicken - thanks for the ideas - a christmas bib is a great idea. Baby is familiar with him and he is good at playing with him. I think they would also enjoy looking at Christmas board books.

I really think a Christmas outfit is a bad idea. The time should be used for connecting with the child, not dressing up. A Christmas bib might be an easy idea. Own changing bag sounds like he would be prepared.

A Christmas story book to read to the baby sounds perfect. Play with the baby. Be interested.

Good tip about not having strong aftershave.

@livingthegoodlife - yes, a bib sounds more fuss free. And love the Christmas book idea too

All centres will have different policies. Tgey will be happy to offer advice

My tip tip would be to focus on what nakes the visit enjoyable for the child, not the parent

Hi just wanted to echo that you sound lovely and supportive. I’m sorry you got the comment about being abusive. Agree with calling ahead, and taking in food and a flask, and some books. My LO loved playing with (safe!) tinsel and sparkly decorations when she was a baby, which might be nice. Music might help the atmosphere, you could suggest your son looks up a few kids Christmas songs on YouTube baby may like, and make a playlist to play on his phone, even just twinkly Christmassy music in the background during play might make it feel nicer. I hope it goes well.

Hi OP - a lot of parents who have supervised contact chose to change their baby during it into a gift or something of their choosing. It isn't frowned upon at all - it's a really natural normal thing you do, dressing your baby, and some parents have to make the most of limited contact time to enjoy these experiences together.

Lots of our families bring some Christmas food, books, a few gifts - maybe a Christmas craft idea like painting baby's hand/foot to draw into a tree/penguin/reindeer etc? Plus baby wipes for cleaning...

Sadly though where I am at the moment parents are not allowed to bring any toys, food etc due to Covid - it all has to be provided by the foster carer (although this may not be your family's situation). Christmas presents are having to be handed over in bags and "quarantined" under specific advice from public health England. I'd suggest ringing ahead to double check if there are any specific rules you need to help him understand and follow.

Most contact workers will absolutely take photos - if they have a concern about handling his phone could he take a new, in packaging, disposable camera?

I've never meet a child in a contact centre although I have been in one and have a video of our two's birth mum having her last meeting with them which is very harrowing! Everyone has given some lovely ideas. I'm a bit worried as to what the situation re toys/gifts etc in them is at the moment given that when you go anywhere like a Doctor's waiting room they are stripped bare!

At our contact centre parents are not allowed to bring in food, drinks, toys or clothing at the moment. Everything brought for the child is brought out to me at the car when I take my little one for family time. I provide all milk/snacks (and I am supposed to provide ready made formula but my little one always throws it up so I send powder and a flask of hot water). I send clothing/nappies etc but cannot send toys. It is a difficult time for family time in contact centres.

@ItsNotTimeToWorryYetScout - thank you for the lovely supportive message. Is it a particular type of tinsel I'd need to make it safe? It reminds me actually about doing sensory baskets when mine were little. Things like a pinecone etc. Maybe I could put a few bits together. Christmas music sounds lovely too.

@gladly - thank you for the advice. Craft idea sounds lovely. I will phone the centre today to check exactly what is allowed.

Thank you for all the advice everyone - I will definitely check what is allowed. Will be such a shame if he can't open presents with his baby or look at books.