To be annoyed she can't get my son's name right

[jengles]

Have received a Christmas card from a Uni friend (with Round Robin letter, but that's a different thread), but yet again she's got my primary school aged DS's name wrong.

Won't name him on here, but it's equivalent to if his name was "Harlow" writing "Herbie" on the card, while getting DD & DH's names right.

She follows me on Facebook & must see the kids names on there occasionally & I messaged her about it in January where she apologised, saying "Herbie" was another relatives child, but lo and behold this Christmas the same mistake has been made... what more can I do??

AIBU to be annoyed by it?!

Are you close friends? Has she met the child? Do you actually meet up? Do you send her cards?

If she's more of an acquaintance now rather than a friend...Do nothing. It's not worth the headspace or the annoyance. Have a giggle,roll your eyes and wait for next year's one.

If you’re close and see each other’s children a lot YANBU

If you don’t spend a lot of time together with the kids YABU. It’s a little annoying but overall nothing to get to her up about.

I’m actually really terrible with names and often mix up similar names of people I don’t see a lot. Also if I make the mistake a few times I then find it much harder to get it right (like the name gets stuck in my head). Maybe she is similar and has an issue with names.

Yeah it’s a bit annoying, but I’ve found it harder to keep children’s names straight as more and more of my friends, workmates and relatives have had them. Half the time, it takes me 3 attempts to get my son’s name right first time! If you want to say something, you could message over FB Messenger to say “thank you for the Christmas card, although you called my son “Herbie” again instead of “Harlow”, haha. 2020 has been so mentally draining, hasn’t it?”
Then she knows she’s got it wrong again through a gentle reminder and hopefully will be embarrassed enough to remember it, or check it in future!
A friend of mine once sent us a Christmas card, substituting her son’s name for my husband’s, which was hilarious. Her DS was only a few months old and she was so sleep deprived! Take it with a pinch of humour. She’s being forgetful, not deliberately rude.

My lovely DM sends a Christmas card to my SIL and her DH, but addresses it to SIL and her ex-DH. We worked out that my DM hadn't changed the names in her address book so autopilot writes a card with the ex's name on. Thankfully the new DH thinks it's funny. Could your friend be doing similar?

@Fifipop185 definitely think it's a similar problem (but by no means as bad as that!).

She hasn't met DC, so agree that could be part of the problem, but know I'd be horrified to make a mistake like that (I spent 15mins scrolling through a friends social media yesterday to find her DD's name as I'd give blank!).

Think I'm in awe of her making the mistake, being corrected and then making the mistake again & being unlikely to feel bad about it - while I'd be mortified!

Think I'm in awe of her making the mistake, being corrected and then making the mistake again & being unlikely to feel bad about it - while I'd be mortified!

Yep, this is the issue.

I've had this too.

It just sends a strong message that she doesn't respect you - that 'Oh I'd be mortified to get it wrong' isn't there because your good opinion doesn't matter. You're beneath her.

Like it or not that's what it says under the surface. Or she'd have checked because of last time. But she didn't. Didn't even remember it.

It wouldn’t bother me, particularly as they’ve never met.
Quite a few friends spell my name incorrectly after years of getting cards from me and seeing my name on Facebook with the correct spelling. I’ve one of those names with a couple of equally valid spellings like Clare/Claire. I’ve also had wrong name same initial letter from neighbours or in cards from people who know DH better than me.

Sometimes people rename people unconsciously in their head and it’s very hard to dislodge it, it’s more likely with an uncommon name, the brain goes for the same wrong possibility every time the person reaches for it.
It’s thoughtful of her to send a card. She includes him because he’s your son and important in your life, - she just gets his name wrong.

Wow! YoniAndGuy. That’s harsh, and no, I’m not an offender as far as I’m aware.
It’s a big leap to this sender of cards having no respect for her friend. Would you have a problem with friends not including people’s children in the card too? I’m wondering if there is a huge card etiquette world of pain that I’m unaware of.

I wouldn’t waste energy getting too worried about it. I have Harry’s and Henry’s in my family, I’m forever getting them wrong! It’s not a biggie

I think that's a little extreme, @YoniAndGuy - I don't think it's that your friend thinks you're "beneath" her or has no respect for you, she probably just has a group of friends that between them have about a hundred kids!

I don't think it's a big deal, so from me it's a YABU.

My sister and friend have spelt my daughter’s name wrong for 22 years. Think Abi instead of Abbie. They have known her all their lives. It does annoy me but I’ve never corrected them as I thought it might sound petty.

YABU. It’s no big deal.

She has never met him and clearly as she writes her stack of cards she’s on autopilot and puts the name she’s erroneously assigned to your youngest on the card.

You’re being a bit precious. It’s happened to me several times, and I suspect I’ve done it myself - there’s one friend whose husband’s name eludes me every year.

Is it an unusual name? IME people often get unusual names wrong.

I have a Welsh name and the only family members who get it consistently right are Mam's family (Welsh speakers), my parents, my siblings, DH and his parents.

My niece, Dad's siblings and cousins and DH's wider family all get it wrong. Same with most of my parents friends. Some also pronounce it wrong!

Think Eleri getting Elerie, Elery, Ellery, Ellerie, Ellen etc. People spelled it wrong on wedding cards and gifts even though everyone received an invite which clearly said 'Eleri' on them!

Or is it more like you have a Harry and she knows someone with a Henry and she is getting two commonly used names mixed up?

If she hasn't even met him I don't think I'd care at all. If there's someone with a similar name she's obviously just getting confused between them, it happens.

Sounds like she's just getting mixed up, not doing it on purpose.

Yanbu!
My ds godparents (dh's "best friends" ) can't get his name right either and it drives me up the frigging wall. What they write in his cards is a completely different name, although similar. They also send wrong age cards!

One of my best friends gets my children's names wrong! This is why I've got all my friends' partners and children's names listed in my address book. It's why so many people address cards to "Dint and family". It's why my preference is to confine names on cards to people who've actually met - I don't sign "Dint and DintH" for people who haven't met DH, or "Dint, DintH, Dint DS" for people who don't have a relationship with DS.

You might be doing 50 cards at Christmas. By the time you've added personal notes to half of those, and looked up all the addresses, it's a long enough job without double checking all the children's names. It doesn't mean there's a disrespect. Not worth losing a friend over.

No, it does mean that and that's why OP is bothered about it.

Lots of people here saying how unbothered they are about similar situations. Yes, of course. If something like this happens within a relationship you are confident is mutually caring and respectful, it doesn't bother you.

But if you have an inkling that X doesn't give much of a shit about getting something right - something you pointed out before - it's different. And bothersome. That's what I think OP has. That niggle that they're being dismissed in some way.

I've been there. You know when it's not right. Have also had friends I love nad trust make silly mistakes and it hasn't bothered me at all.

I imagine she has a Christmas card list that she looks at once a year. Probably when you told her in January she didn't get round to updating it. Then probably had a oh, what's jengles' DD called, is it that, or that, no, I've written it here, it must be X.

Send her a message in December next year or get your card to her out early!

Your DS sorry

Sometimes you can just have a blank about something. I used to work with someone who was either a Mac or a Mc (I still can't remember which) and even though I really, really tried I went for the wrong one most of the time.

My aunt spells DS's name wrong, to a point where it actually makes it a totally different name even though she's only mixing up two letters.

At first it was just on social media so I'd assumed it was an autocorrect. But now it's on written things, and this year DS1 can read his own name - and thought it was hilarious. At least I don't need to have that awkward conversation any more as he'll certainly tell her! It's become a running joke now more than anything.

My DH has an extremely common name which has two possible spellings, his is the lesser common spelling but it’s still completely normal. My Mum insisted on spelling it the other way every single time she mentioned him in a text or card. This could be after I had just sent a message with his name spelt correctly... It was honestly like she thought I, his wife, kept misspelling his name. No idea when it changed but she now spells it correctly which is a relief.

I would let her know personally. Send a text along the lines of ‘thank you for the card, not sure who Herbie is though ’.

We get a card every year from an old school friend of DHs that misses off DD1s name but includes DD2s name, dd2 died 12 years ago aged 2 and he came to her funeral! I can't figure out if he genuinely has them muddled up or if he's forgotten we have a dd1 and puts dd2 name in as he dosent want us to think he's forgotten about her(we have a few friends who always include dd2s name in the card and send messages on her birthday and day she died to let us know they are thinking of her).

My DD has a very "normal" name spelt in the traditional way. Think Lily. We have multiple relatives that still spell it with a double L. Lilly. Every single year.

However I, like you, am a "scroll through facebook for 30 mins to find the correct spelling" type of person.

It doesnt bother me. At least they thought about us enough to put us on the card.

Although my SIL gets the same thing as you with her son. His names Ethan and she has a friend that calls him Nathan on cards (and even once on a gift!). This bothered SIL greatly so, after about 5 years of this, she began alternating between writing "SIL, BIL, Jack & nathan" and "SIL, BIL, Jack & ethan" on cards to them, just to confuse them or see if they noticed. One year she wrote "SIL, BIL, Jack & Ben" instead. they never said anything. it did make me always properly read what people wrote on cards though rather than speed reading