That he shouldn't tell DS to stop playing with dolls

[Catsandkittens638297]

Bit of back story, my mum has been with my step dad about 11 years now (since I was 11). We've not got a great relationship with him he's very controlling & just not very nice. They have two sons under 10. He tells them they're not allowed to do art because art is for girls, they're not allowed to like "girly" things, he's very much conditioned them into keeping "boys" things for boys & girls to girls..

However I have a 3yo DS and a 1yo DD. The other day we went to Asda DD picked a baby doll from the shop & DS a pj mask toy. We came home & DS was obsessed with the baby which is fine we're not bothered he can play with what he wants, we're very much for him playing with dolls and his sister's things.

However I was on a video call with my mum (who also isn't bothered what they play with) and DS was showing her the doll. Mums husband walks past and sees DS has a doll and pipes up with "what are you playing with dolls for? Your a boy, boys don't play with dolls, think that belongs to your sister" he said it in quite a stern way. DS since hasn't touched the doll.

DH is quite unhappy with him and I feel like I should be to.
Aibu for feeling like he has no place to talk to my child like that?

I've brought my 3 year old son a doll for christmas because he likes playing with them. He also has cars and trucks and dinosaurs. He's 3 ffs

Tell him to keep his opinions to himself. Unfortunately you can't tell him what to do with his own children but you can protect your own.

In our house we openly mock outdated and ridiculous attitudes like this. I would however give your stepfather a quiet warning about pulling down a 3yr old. What a bully!

DM has bought DS a doll for Christmas because he lives off with the one in the toy box at my parents' house, he is being ridiculous and I would challenge him directly

Yanbu. I would have said something straightaway and I would have reassured DS that it was a toy and if he wanted to play with it that was his choice. DS had a pram that he pushed his toys around, a pink one. It triggered MIL and I still don’t care.

Your DH is right to be unhappy. I would have pulled him up on it straight away and told him not to impose his ridiculous outdated ideas on my child.

I think I’d have replied with “sorry, but I didn’t realise we were in the 1950s”

It’s obviously absolutely fine for your DS to play with dolls and your mums husband needs to butt out!

Is ds not going to (possibly) be a dad one day? A baby is gender neutral as far as I’m concerned. You need to nip this in the bud now.

When my 9 year old grandson saw his younger brother playing with a doll and pushchair, he said "Oh look, DB's being a daddy". Pity some grown ups just don't get it.

This so annoys me. I was an early years teacher, and a dad actually came round and said we had to stop his son playing with the dolls and pushchairs. When I asked why he said because they're for girls. I told him I was surprised by that attitude because as a good role model of a dad, his son was simply copying him. He nearly exploded and said he didn't play with dolls! I agreed but then pointed out that he was pushing the baby brother around in his buggy which was what his older son was doing. I did say that bringing up boys (and girls) to be good, caring adults is probably one of our most important jobs as parents.
Not sure it made one bit of difference but really in today's world how can these views be so entrenched?

YANBU

Art is for girls...like picasso, van gough etc...what an idiot

I wouldn’t be letting the Neanderthal spend any time around my children, and I would be very concerned as to what he’s put big into your poor brothers’ heads.

*putting

I have always let me children play with whatever they want. My twin boys had twin baby dolls when they were toddlers. Alternatively my uncle is homophobic and when my cousin was small he would shout at him for crying, wouldn’t let him play with dolls or anything like that. My cousin is now about to turn 18 and has recently come out as gay to some members of the family and is too scared to tell his dad at the moment because he thinks he will be made homeless as that’s what his dad said would happen if he ever found out he was gay.

I think that kind of behaviour is really damaging for children (boys and girls) and something needs to be said.

Your sd is totally in the wrong, how dare he.

My ds is 2.5, he loves cars, diggers, sticks and mud and dinosaurs... and frozen and moana and his dolls house and teddies (rather than baby dolls but played with in a similar way). I was shocked when recently a friend said how good it is I let him play with "girls toys" when I mentioned he's getting some sylvanian families bits for Christmas!

We should be encouraging our children to play with whatever they want. In addition, our girls need to know its ok to play sports and get muddy, our boys need to know they can be kind and empathetic.

Also your poor ds has obviously listened to what your sd said, that's so sad. I would have a chat with him about how its ok to play with toys and how some silly people think some things are for girls, some.thkngs are for girls and isn't that funny and silly?

Shock horror, your DS might turn out to be a dad some day. Of course it’s unreasonable. Bad enough he’s bringing up his own sons like that (what does your mum think?) but he has no business inflicting such rubbish on yours.

My DS loves his baby doll and his dolls house and his play kitchen. He loves to copy the things he sees me do and role playing things we have at home. It’s lovely.

Well we ended up going Christmas toy shopping with the kids and he ended up picking himself a cabbage patch doll, so hopefully it hasnt put him off too much