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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be at the end of my tether with DPs?

32 replies

carlaCox · 16/12/2020 17:30

I'll be spending Xmas with my late 60s parents. Ever since March they have been non-stop complaining about "selfish covidiots" and how we all have to "just get on with it".

For context - they both took early retirement last year and live mortgage-free in a house big enough to have a home gym and a "hobbies room". They managed to have two holidays over the summer (one abroad and one in the UK) and have spent the rest of the year having crates of wine delivered to drink with friends around their newly installed firepit.

I live in a one bed flat (no garden) with my partner and have had a year of worry about our jobs. Many of our friends have been made redundant or had to close down their small businesses. I really don't think I can sit through 5 days of them whinging about "people who care more about the economy than lives" while drinking champagne and eating Waitrose party food.

AIBU or are they being unreasonable? How do I avoid a Christmas row? I don't think I can bite my tongue for five whole days.

OP posts:
Canwecancel2020 · 16/12/2020 17:32

A scenario I recognise Grin does it have to be 5 days?

FlibbertyGiblets · 16/12/2020 17:33

Don't go for the full 5 days?

Original poster
carlaCox · 16/12/2020 17:36

Hmm. Problem is that my mum will have a bit of a meltdown if I tell her at this late stage that I'm not coming for the full 5 days. She's really excited about it and already planned "activities" and "Christmas menus".

OP posts:
midscram · 16/12/2020 17:39

God I have a family member like this. I just tell her she's a dick, I'm not particularly popular with her...

midscram · 16/12/2020 17:41

Do you ever tell them when you behave/say this it upsets me?

My relative loves criticising others for covid selfishness & is actually vulnerable. Didn't stop them from going abroad twice over the summer 🙄

chipsandpeas · 16/12/2020 17:42

id be coming down with symptons a couple of days before and obv cant go

Kingstaytheking · 16/12/2020 17:44

I'd go along and absolutely came their champagne and expensive food.

Slip some bottles in your bag before you leave. Absolutely rinse them.

goopsoup · 16/12/2020 17:45

For context - they both took early retirement last year and live mortgage-free in a house big enough to have a home gym and a "hobbies room".

So they retired at what, 69 or 68? Hardly early retirement.

YABU because you're moaning when you fully intend to go anyway. Many people will spend Xmas alone.

1990shopefulftm · 16/12/2020 17:46

"oh no I ve just had a call from track and trace and have to isolate until the 27th" then just go for one day

Britishmanagersclub · 16/12/2020 17:47

I'd go and down as much champagne as possible.

Diverseduvet · 16/12/2020 17:49

Can't you put a counter point of view across and have a shorter visit? There's no way I could spend 5 days solid with my parents and they're nothing like this!

Original poster
carlaCox · 16/12/2020 17:52

As PP said - I'm definitely going to go anyway and would actually rather a Christmas row than Christmas alone. I normally get on really well with my parents so it's horrible to feel resentful about this. I was starting to wonder if I am the one being unreasonable here so it's nice to hear people think I've got a point.

OP posts:
amylou8 · 16/12/2020 17:52

This is my parents too! Retired, mortgage free and happy for the world to lockdown forever as long as THEY feel safe. I'm running around trying to stop my business going under, put a roof over the kids heads, yet somehow I'm the one who's selfish. I've declared myself far too un-socially distanced and germ ridden for Christmas dinner this year.

RB68 · 16/12/2020 17:57

Boris says just one of the five days - there you go

Lazypuppy · 16/12/2020 17:59

How is late 60s early retirement? IsnXt that the retirement age Confused

Conkergame · 16/12/2020 18:03

OP at least you don’t have the opposite scenario, like me - parents who don’t really believe the pandemic is a “thing” and still going round meeting up with other vulnerable people, planning large gatherings etc and expecting me to attend! It’s a nightmare!

NovemberR · 16/12/2020 18:04

Another thread from someone bitter at what their parents have worked all their days for.

I'd not begrudge anyone 'retiring' in their late 60s. But your entire post sounds jealous at what they have. I imagine they are comfortably off because they have both worked their entire lives.

It makes me sad to think some people feel like this towards their families.

Original poster
carlaCox · 16/12/2020 18:06

I changed the retirement age a bit as I was worried about giving too many facts and outing myself. One of them retired a number of years ago. I realise the other one (last year) wouldn't really count as "early retirement" - fair play.

OP posts:
Lulu1919 · 16/12/2020 18:08

Boris jut said keep it short ...and try not to sleep over ....
So maybe you can use this new guidance??

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 16/12/2020 18:14

@NovemberR, I doubt it’s the fact of the OP’s parents being so comfortable - it’s the fact that they don’t see - or apparently care about how very different things are for so many other people.

I say that as half of a ‘comfortable’ older couple myself - both of whom are very much aware of how comparatively lucky we are.

Macncheeseballs · 16/12/2020 18:22

Can't you have different views without it becoming a row

Canwecancel2020 · 16/12/2020 18:25

@NovemberR

Another thread from someone bitter at what their parents have worked all their days for.

I'd not begrudge anyone 'retiring' in their late 60s. But your entire post sounds jealous at what they have. I imagine they are comfortably off because they have both worked their entire lives.

It makes me sad to think some people feel like this towards their families.

I don’t begrudge anything my parents have, but I have found over time our views more divergent on many things throughout covid... far more than anything else (brexit for example). I am in no way saying I am right and they are wrong and really try to see things from their point of view, but I find the language of blame irritating, particularly directed at particular sectors of society - the ones who have to physically go to work/education for example, before a long convoluted story about changing broadband or getting a refund on a holiday. I think it is just the usual intergenerational irritations on steroids right now.

It puts me in mind of that brilliant Pam Ayers poem about “you should have asked my husband”

livefornaps · 16/12/2020 18:25

Get so pissed on all of their fancy booze that you're too pissed to formulate a reply, even if you felt like arguing with them.

Then, in the silence that ensues, let out a long and stinky fart, after having feasted on their party food

livefornaps · 16/12/2020 18:29

I should add, after feasting long and hard on their Waitrose party food. Then, if you can muster anything to say at all, I would slur out "this isn't just farting, this is M&S farting", and then enjoy the fight that breaks out over the calibre of Waitrose vs M&S....farts

nancybotwinbloom · 16/12/2020 18:31

Go, get pissed, argue the toss about to all when your all pissed and try and have a nice time.

Eat the party food and at least
You will not be bored.

You will be fed, watered and entertained at least.

I have a family member with made up views on stuff and I can't help it I go into wind up mode.