to wonder why consultants have a reputation of being so rude???

[staydazzling]

Been in hospital a few days, nurses, midwifes, auxiliary, care staff all very keen to do their best in hard circumstances always trying to help, largely on time etc, I sadly couldn't say the same for the consultants /surgeons sadly not just in terms of taking literally hours to turn but also how i saw them speak to said, nurses, midwifes, care staff etc and patients.
I jokingly mentioned this to a relative who works cleaning and sterlising equipment, who said yes its well known sadly, your lucky if any move or say thank you for returned equipment, i just wondered why is this a thing, AIBU to wonder where did that culture of behaviour come from?

I've not found this.

I’ve always had lovely consultants - some times they’ve been a little “direct” but you have to remember that they are often delivering bad news or trying to navigate the facts around people’s emotions - my first maternity consultant was very blunt. Not rude but blunt. Some people would possibly consider it rude I guess.

The rudest person I’ve come across was a senior nurse, but I think I caught her at a bad moment bc once I made noises about complaining and wanting to talk to the ward sister etc she was nice as pie.

Surely people are a bit of both and generally it comes down to what is going on in their mind at the time.

The Filipino Male nurses always called my father ‘Mr Tim’ instead of ‘Mr Smith’. It seemed a nice way to be respectful and warm at the same time. He liked it.

I've been in nursing 35 years. I only recognise this in one, and that was only some of the time.

My dad’s oncologist was the only truly awful bastard senior doctor I’ve encountered. I can’t believe he works with gravely ill people. The way he spoke to my dad was shocking.

Otherwise they’ve just been on a scale somewhere between incredibly lovely and polite, but not that friendly. The nicest overall was a female plastic surgeon, all paediatricians (met many as my dd was poorly as a baby) were nice.

I think in the light and in respect, of the Shewsbury, maternity scandal and the learning disability DNR scandal, that where some areas of the NHS are well regulated there are sinister pockets that obviously aren't. some people who should be sat in a jail cell that aren't. i wonder if anyone will see prison regarding Shewsbury.

Jail cell I don't know. Maybe. They would need to be convicted of gross negligence manslaughter in relation to a particular case or corporate manslaughter and be in a management role. It has happened.

Getting struck off by the GMC- more likely. I think one person was over Mid Staffs although many more were investigated and there was a lack of evidence.

Also does it absolutely follow that the people who should be in the jail cell are consultants?

Most NHS managers and chief executives are not from a medical background and they are legally ultimately responsible for the safety of services as a whole.

The vast majority of births are not attended by a consultant obstetrician at all. Midwives are independent practitioners. Should the local consultant be responsible for their culture and practice too?

It's like I said, and people disputed, earlier. The consultant IS held responsible in the mind of the public whosoever's is the failing.

I'm not saying that no Dr did any wrong in Shrewsbury. I'm just saying perhaps consultants are not wholly to blame for that scandal.

@DougRossIsTheBoss In my opinion the fault at Mid Staffs lay almost entirely with the Chief Exec who literally got away with it! I worked there for 10 years.

My advice to staff and patients has always been; If a Consultant is rude to you, treat them like you would anyone else and dont tolerate it. On the few occasions Consultants behaved badly to me I found a hard stare and "Don't ever speak to me like that again" usually worked nicely.

They can't all be bad - I married one!

I will preface by saying I am fortunate enough to have access to good private healthcare however all my consultants also did nhs work (I believe this is pretty common)

Perhaps controversially...

Any consultant inc surgical i have seen has been unfailing wonderful. Professional, competent and great bedside manner.
Same actually can't be said of nurses 😖

To be entirely fair in my first post I mentioned that the rudest HCPs (and also the most incompetent) I have come across are midwives. My DC are in their 20s now but after the mismanaged shit show that was DS1's birth I insisted thereafter that my maternity care was consultant led. The midwives were just appalling: pethidine without my consent, left on an open ward with a posterior Labour for five hours, blamed a falling heartbeat on a faulty belt rather than a baby being strangled by the cord resulting in it being cut before he was born and a very blue baby who spent his first 6 hours in SCBU. I didn't realise the significance of the director of midwives visiting the next morning to have a chat and note I was happy until recently. To boot he was born on Christmas day and there were more staff than women in the unit so there were no excuses yet all I heard was whingeing that they were rushed off their feet --and screeching and giggling while they chatted absolute nonsense.

To cap it all the first midwife who visited me at home, with no establishment of a relationship, wanted first and foremost to talk about sex. When I said I would prefer not to she grasped her left elbow with right hand and waved her left hand in the air exclaiming that if I didn't do the pelvic floor exercises that's exactly what sex would feel like for my husband. And wrote nonsense in my notes.

As far as I am concerned, there needs to be much more involvement from Drs ante-natally, at the birth and post natally but that is never a popular view.

DS2 had a condition incompatible with life diagnosed at 20 weeks and his obstetrician, specialist team and high risk midwifery team didn't put a foot wrong clinically or pastorally and I can't fault their care even though that little boy lived only for a few hours.

DD's consultant led ante-natal care and the birth which was natural because my consultant promised me a very experienced midwife was perfect even though it was induced. The post natal care was also excellent partly because I knew what I was doing and partly because I refused to see more than 2 midwives. I had 7 visit after DS1's birth. 2 were good.

Midwifery and the care of mothers in the UK is an absolute disgrace and yet thread after thread bleats we should be grateful because it's free. It isn't and no woman should ever be made to feel grateful for suboptimal care. It's as big a scandal as bloody CAMHS.

My husband is a consultant, I hear back that he’s absolutely brilliant with patients. However, his tolerance for people being incompetent is pretty low, so I imagine he’s probably quite short with staff not coming up to the same standards that he holds for himself. That’s understandable though, nobody wants to be shortchanged when being treated, but he should remember people are only human.

Workloads are through the roof on his speciality right now, and people should admire how dedicated consultants treating Covid patients are - sleeping and eating are in short supply at the moment, as are other staff, but he keeps on.

All the consultants I’ve ever seen for myself or my children have been wonderful. I’ve always felt listened to and that we were in excellent hands. The only time I ever saw a consultant be less than polite was the obstetrician who came running in with a portable ultrasound machine when they were struggling to find my sons heartbeat and shouted at a midwife to move a chair. She actually got teary with relief when she found the heartbeat and held my hand whilst I cried too. Lovely lady.

What always strikes me with these threads is that women feeling disrespected, poorly cared for, patronised, neglected and belittled by hcps providing obstetric care is the most common theme of all.

I mean, I would agree with that based on the midwife who said “no you’re not in labour, you doctors think you know it all” ...about 20 minutes before I delivered a baby on the antenatal ward, with no analgesia, followed by a huge tear and a massive haemorrhage.

But to be honest far more women use maternity services than any other single part of healthcare so while there is probably an effect of ingrained misogyny there’s also the fact that just more people have experiences to share both good and bad (compared to eg cardiothoracics or ophthalmology)

Especially on a parenting website you might think....

Bit of a biased sample

Not in my experience at all (neonatal consultant, DC3 consultant for her condition that had her in neonatal, my consultant rheumatologist, my consultant dermatologist and their counter-parts when they have been available)

Always polite, knowledgeable but not pushy, willing to listen to my thoughts and suggestions. Never seen them be rude to their "underlings"

I appreciate there is always bad eggs but I don't think you can tar a whole profession

@DougRossIsTheBoss

Especially on a parenting website you might think....

Bit of a biased sample

I would say relevant more than biased. A birth trauma website, even an anti medicalisation of birth website... those would give 'biased' samples. That MN is primarily used by female parents simply means most of its users are likely to have experienced obstetric care and be able to give an opinion about it, not that they are more likely to give a negative opinion of it?

In any case I think my comment was poorly phrased. By no means are all or even most hcps working in obstetrics delivering poor care and upsetting patients, but a common theme whenever women discuss experiences of healthcare is negative experience of those services.

Since the birth my daughter who has a lot of health problems, most consultants, doctors, nurses and even our own GP were rude, angry and hateful. I wonder if they hate children with disabilities and blame their parents for having them in the first place.

My partners consultants are both quite dry and matter of fact, no beating around the bush. But never considered them to be rude

I'm one as well.
I call my patients Mrs This, Mr That and introduce myself by my first name. The junior doctors mostly do call me Dr Wings until they've got to know me.
I bring my own sandwiches to work so no-one cooks me lobster- TBH I think that it would be quite tricky to eat at the shared desk on the ward where I usually eat my lunch while continuing to answer questions from colleagues.

I have (very occasionally) heard people say that they will "take the consultant down a peg or two" but when they meet me they pretty soon realise that I'm so ground down already that they don't need to.

I always introduce myself as "jane smith" and check and you are ethel jones. It is not unheard of for pts in clinic to respond and enter the wrong clinic room.

Personally not worried about what I am called and seriously there is some over thinking on here.

However, there are certain types of patients will use your first name in an overly familiar way - the implicaiton being you are my friend and can be manipulated - there is a boundary and there is a fine line between over familiar, co ercive behaviour and professionalism.

Anyone older than me is always Mr or Mrs

The people who call me by my first name over and over in a "how to make friends and influence people" style make me smile to myself.
I've read it too and I'm not going to change how ill you are or whether you get better based on you making me like you. But then I always think that they're scared in an unfamiliar situation and just trying to get some control.
I'm lucky that I tend to get to know my patients very well for over a couple of months so we usually feel pretty confident in each other by the end of that time.