Not agreeing to term time holiday?

[Blendiful]

Difficult situation here. Ex and I are separated. 2 DC (14, 11)

We discussed holidays in taking the kids away. I asked to wait because I wanted to see what was happening when they went back to school, exams being moved, where they were at learning etc.

Anyway he went and booked something regardless meaning they will miss 1.5weeks of school.

Both are behind at school anyway and the youngest has just been offered additional support outside of school hours to help catch up.

I am not happy they will be missing this amount of school at all, which is why I asked to wait and see. Youngest will have SATs if they are doing them, and so whilst it’s near a school holiday (part of the holiday falls when off, part doesn’t). I don’t think it’ll be a case of them not doing much as SATs prep will be in full swing. Now in general I don’t really care much about SATs but what I do care about is him missing vital learning needed to complete the tests and then having to sit there without a clue, when he already struggles.

Not sure what to do and don’t know if AIBU to ask ex to see if he can cancel the holiday.

I remember this was the example that ended up in the Supreme Court a few years ago, more or less. Even if not behind at school I would say the same.

The man who ended up in the Supreme Court (and lost) seemed a very nasty man, which I hope was unrepresentative of his usual behaviour, and nothing like your exH.

Presumably school will have to be asked re permission and from what you have described, I imagine this is unlikely to be forthcoming so you both also risk a fine. Is your ex aware how much they have to catch up on and how youngest in particular needs extra support? I would definitely ask him to cancel/rearrange.

I don't think your ex had any right to make that decision by overriding your concerns. It will also not go down well with school if they've offered additional support outside school for your younger child and he shouldn't expect you to deal with that.

Sorry "support outside school hours"

School will refuse the leave for certain as they won’t allow them that amount of time off. There is no exceptional reason other than ex wants to go somewhere out of his budget so needs to do so in school time. Rather than going somewhere less showy but in the holidays.

So a fine will happen, I told him he would need to pay this when we discussed it. But I also asked him to wait to book anything. He didn’t do that and just messaged to say it was booked from
Such and such date for 2 weeks. I told him I wasn’t happy at the time and have suggested cancelling it lots of times but he won’t.

He is aware very much so how much they both struggle, particularly the youngest and I have informed him of the chat with school about the extra support. I will also be letting school know I don’t agree with them being taken out of school and it is not my choice.

We have specifically avoided booking any holidays this year for this reason, we had the option to cancel ours which was booked way before Covid appeared and did so straight away as it would also have meant them missing school (only a couple of days though). But felt after them having so much time missed even that wasn’t worth it.

under normal circumstances I am happy for them to miss a few days, or maybe a week at a push, but not in crucial years of learning and certainly not after 5 months off already! I also noticed in those 5 months just how much my youngest struggles having to teach him all of the curriculum subjects at home.

I have asked to cancel or rearrange but he is adamant he is fixed on it. It’s so frustrating.

Surely you have to give permission for him to take them out if the country?

I do have to give permission, but only if they ask. And for fathers they usually don’t!

I could probably prevent it if I called the airport etc and said I specifically was not giving permission. But obviously wouldn’t want to do that to my kids either and have them stopped at the airport unable to go on holiday.

I would prefer to just be reasonable and him agree to reschedule or cancel. But he wont, mainly because this is for him more than the kids. I have reminded him he can go whenever without them and no one is preventing him from going. But he wants to make some point on taking them on what he feels is the holiday of a lifetime, even though it’s really not.

The problem is that he isn't reasonable. I'd do whatever I needed to to prevent. Plus, as the other parent with Parental Responsibility, you'll also be fined; each parent for each day for each child. He says he will pay for your fine, but he's not under obligation to. You will be, though.

In our area it’s one fine for the period off, but yes per parent per child. He’s been told he needs to fund that. Worst case I can if needed so wouldn’t allow to go out of control in my own name as I know the fine will be attached to me as such. But I have told him I’m expecting him to pay it, the same as I would if it was me choosing to take them from school.

I need to see how it goes nearer the time and may have to put my foot down and prevent it but I am really really hoping it just gets cancelled!