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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

WWYD? WIBU to go from tier 1 to tier 3 for Xmas?

33 replies

Irisbloom · 16/12/2020 12:48

Earlier this year I moved from the Central belt of Scotland to the north. I know no one up here except my boyfriend. My family all still down in the central belt, in a tier 3 area that was tier 4. I'm in tier 1.
I'm a teacher in a school up here. I've basically just been going to work, seeing my boyfriend (who I live with) and exercising outdoors so the only place I'd be likely to catch covid is at work.
My parents and sister work from home and haven't been going anywhere except the shops. My brother is a teacher down there. I would be spending Christmas with them, and my gran who has been shielding throughout covid as she has cancer, but who wants to spend Christmas day with the family.

For Christmas my mum really wants me to go home, but yesterday I was told by colleagues that some of them would feel uncomfortable about me doing this as it would mean I was going to a tier 3 area. None of them are seeing anyone outwith their immediate household over Christmas, although they all have partners and kids so their immediate household is more of a family set up than mine.
I told my mum and she was really upset, worried that it could be my gran's last Christmas (which I am as well, but to be honest, I am worried about that every year, she's had cancer for 10 years- the woman is nearing 90 and indestructible!).
I could stay here and spend it with my boyfriend and his mum, but I know my mum would be really upset and I do worry about regretting it if anything happened to my gran and I hadn't seen her.
I can go down and come back with enough time to ensure 10 days at least before I start back at work after Christmas but my colleagues didn't seem happy about that even. I don't want to let them influence my work decisions but at the same time I understand that people are scared and I work in a role that could be very vulnerable for spreading the virus in an area where it's barely existent right now.
I'm not really sure what I should do for the best. Had even thought of driving down just for the day (3.5hours each way) and spend a day sitting in the back gardens with my family /gran then coming straight back without staying anywhere or going in anywhere.
WWYD?

OP posts:

LordEmsworth · 16/12/2020 12:57

What would I do? I'd lie. It's none of their business... I'd go, following social distancing etc, come back with the 10 days to spare, and tell them all I'd spent Christmas at home. I would not feel even remotely guilty about it.

LagneyandCasey · 16/12/2020 13:00

You are sensibly going to isolate for 10 days before you return to work, so your colleagues can bog off.

EmbarrassingAdmissions · 16/12/2020 13:01

spend a day sitting in the back gardens with my family /gran then coming straight back without staying anywhere or going in anywhere.

Other issues aside (like is there a roof cover and outdoor heater - and how confident are you about the weather) - are you not scheduling in the need to use a lavatory at all?

It's sounding like you should wait until your grandmother is vaccinated - I don't know what provision is like by her but I'd hope she'd be on a priority list if she's getting treatment and either going into day suites or having home visits from healthcare staff.

Ultimately, what do you want to do? If you weren't being emotionally manipulated, what would be your preferred choice?

DDiva · 16/12/2020 13:02

If theres 10 days until you return to work I wouldnt think twice about it. My main concern would be reducing contact beforehand to reduce the risk to your gran...

Aprilx · 16/12/2020 13:02

I don’t know the rules in Scotland but so long as you are adhering to the official rules, you should not allow colleagues to impose a stricter set of their own rules on you. I wouldn’t lie, I would ignore their comments.

saveforthat · 16/12/2020 13:04

I would do whatever you feel comfortable with and not worry about your colleagues. I hope you have a lovely Christmas with your family.

cologne4711 · 16/12/2020 13:07

I think your colleagues are overreacting - the risk is much greater to your family catching it from a teacher than from teachers catching it from you via your family.

As for the toilet, you can use the loo without having any risk of infecting your grandmother, even if there is only one, you don't catch covid from touching things at all with your bottom.

SauvignonBlanche · 16/12/2020 13:09

Your colleagues need to mind their own business!

Original poster

Irisbloom · 16/12/2020 13:10

Other issues aside (like is there a roof cover and outdoor heater - and how confident are you about the weather) - are you not scheduling in the need to use a lavatory at all?

They have a gazebo and a fire pit so that's ok and I have a campervan I can drive down in which I can use the toilet in if need be (although hadn't actually thought about the toilet issue until your post).

I also hadn't thought of waiting until my gran os vaccinated, I'm not sure where she is on the list. To be honest I'd be more worried about my brother being in her company and potentially giving her something than me, due to him teaching in a school in an authority with a high number of cases.

To be honest I don't even really know what I want to do. I feel like my head is burst with all of this and I just want it to be the holidays so I can switch myself off for a bit. I obviously would love to see my family and gran as I haven't seen them in months but my colleagues made me feel like I'd be really selfish to do this.

OP posts:

CushionsandCandles · 16/12/2020 13:12

Well the blunt answer is it's more likely to be your gran's last Christmas if you all meet her.

AnneElliott · 16/12/2020 13:14

I'd go and tell your colleagues to mind their own business! If your family wfh but you work in a school, you're a risk to them rather than the other way round!

Original poster

Irisbloom · 16/12/2020 13:15

My main concern would be reducing contact beforehand to reduce the risk to your gran...

This is also my worry but would be very difficult this side of Christmas with my job. She very much wants to be with everyone though and is of the mindset that she doesn't know how long she has left so she wants to be with her family, but at the same time the fear we have for her catching covid is very real. She's 87 and won't be around forever, but I dont want covid cutting it any shorter.

OP posts:

Newkitchen123 · 16/12/2020 13:18

Waiting until she's vaccinated is a non starter as it's a two stage process with the second jab 3 weeks after the first

Original poster

Irisbloom · 16/12/2020 13:20

And for all those saying that they should be minding their own business, that's exactly what my boyfriend and dad have been saying. I actually have really nice colleagues but I think covid has created a lot of fear and anxiety in people. A couple have been very extreme in their reaction to it so I do worry about adding to that, but at the same time I don't want my life to be ruled by other people's fears.

OP posts:

LagneyandCasey · 16/12/2020 13:20

my colleagues made me feel like I'd be really selfish to do this

What a horrible bunch. Are you younger than them? My dd works with a group of older women and they made her feel bad for going to Primark and the other night. She's in her 20's and has barely been anywhere for months and wanted to do her Christmas shopping. They said that if anyone goes down with covid in the next few days it's probably her fault. She was in tears about it. Covid has really brought out the worst in people.

CheltenhamLady · 16/12/2020 13:20

I would go, refuse to discuss it at work, and stay in the camper van overnight and use the facilities there. At the Xmas meal, I would ask to be seated as far away as possible from Gran and keep the room well ventilated.

JanewaysBun · 16/12/2020 13:20

If granny and you mask up that would be better for her. Keep yoir distance/ outside etc and it will not make more of a difference than any of the other people she sees.
She's 87 she could easily have a non covid or cancer related stroke tomorrow, if you want to see her, Do.

FlyNow · 16/12/2020 13:23

I'd go and not mention it to them, it's not their business and you don't need the hassle. How was Xmas, oh just had a quiet one at home, and you? Etc.

Hahaha88 · 16/12/2020 13:28

They work in a school, where any of the pupils families could do exactly what you're planning to do, they do realise this right? I would absolutely go if I were you

Lilmzsnowflake · 16/12/2020 13:29

If you aren’t breaking any official rules, then it’s none of their business. So say nothing at all to colleagues, no posts online etc, they won’t be any the wiser what you have done or not. 10 days before being back to work is more than most will get.

As for whether to go, if gran wanted it and understood the risks, and I wanted to see her, I would go and take all the precautions possible. This is what we will do with my parents, who are not as elderly as your gran but are still being careful.

DivGirl · 16/12/2020 13:35

I’d go. Wouldn’t even think twice about it.

We never know how many Christmases we’ll get with our loved ones. Go, go inside, enjoy a wonderful Christmas with your family.

Ellie56 · 16/12/2020 13:59

I wouldn't think twice about it. Go. Take all the safety precautions you can - social distancing, sanitiser, face masks, good ventilation, stay in the camper van overnight and ignore your colleagues.

Just don't tell them anything. Who do they think they are anyway - the Covid Police?

Goldenhedgehogs · 16/12/2020 14:12

Definitely go, tell nosey colleagues you had a quiet Xmas at home and do not post anything on social media. You are abiding to the rules and it is for exactly these sort of reasons they have been relaxed but you don't need the hassle of moaning colleagues so I would just keep quiet or lie to them.

nosswith · 16/12/2020 14:15

Stay put, much as it is difficult and painful. Especially as you are a teacher.

unchienandalusia · 16/12/2020 14:20

I think Sturgeon is announcing no overnight stays in Scotland now isn't she? So you'd have to do it all in one day which sounds too much. But this should be your call, not your colleagues, as you have 10 days clear before you go back to work.

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