To press the point about dating others?

[Missmasday]

(Based in NZ before I get jumped on re meeting people during COVID)

I'm on date 9 with a guy and we have a great time together but I can't really figure out where it's going. I do like him a lot but I find him hard to read.

Asked him on Saturday l if he was dating anyone else and he hesitantly said no, but quickly changed the subject and didn't ask me back.

I won't see him for 10 days now as he's going to be at his mum's for Christmas.

I've been asked out by two other people in the coming days and, honestly, if his intentions are that this isn't going anywhere, I'd like to go on these other dates as I am ultimately looking for a relationship.

I'd like to say something like 'i raised the topic because I've actually been asked out by a couple of other people and I'm not sure what the deal is with us so I'm not sure what to tell them'.

Is this too pushy? Too honest? To needy?

I really would just like to know where I stand.

Is it up to him? How do you feel about it? If you've been on nine dates but find him so opaque maybe he's not the guy for you. I spent none months with a guy and couldn't be sure if I could even call him my boyfriend - when I finally said something he basically said he didn't see us as a long term thing, which was pretty poor of him as I had made it clear I was looking for a real relationship, not a stop gap.
I'd go on those other dates. No need to tell him. If a guy is really in to you it should be obvious.

I'd like to date him exclusively and see where it goes. I'm not looking to label it as serous, more that I'd like to know if it's only casual and then I can make my decision accordingly.

I don't have any desire to date around if he and I are going to see where it goes. But equally I don't want an exclusive relationship with someone who just wants sex.

@Missmasday

I'd like to date him exclusively and see where it goes. I'm not looking to label it as serous, more that I'd like to know if it's only casual and then I can make my decision accordingly.

I don't have any desire to date around if he and I are going to see where it goes. But equally I don't want an exclusive relationship with someone who just wants sex.

Send him this message, not your first one. Upfront and can’t be misinterpreted. Good luck.

To be honest, I would go on the dates and keep it to yourself but keep your options open.

You have not had the conversation - when you asked if he was seeing other people he shut it down and changed subject. He also didn't ask you if you were seeing other people. There was ample opportunity to delve deeper and discuss the future but he chose not to.

Go on the dates. They are just dates. One guy could be amazing, both could be amazing. They could both be 'meh'.

In 10 days if you see each other again - ask him face to face. New year, new start. It only 10 days. No one needs the 'are we mutually exclusive or not' text whilst negotiating a family Christmas.

Absolutely go on those other dates, you never know! He didn't ask you if you were seeing anyone else, that's very telling.
Have the exclusive convo in the NY.

Go on the dates! His response was telling, so make the most of your options and see how things feel in the new year.

One thing I would say is that now you are not seeing him for 10 days but this sort of conversation is surely best in person, not by text.

It's not only important, but you want to see his body language etc. You have already been a little spooked by his previous reaction.

I agree with PP, go on these dates, it will give you a bit more knowledge about your current situation and then have a proper in person chat with him when you see him again. best of luck

Go on the other dates!!

a lot being made of his reaction - but actually he did say no, so are you saying you didn't believe him?

rhythmisdancer No one has said they don't believe him. No one has called him a liar. He didn't ask if she was still dating, even out of curiousity. He didn't appear to be comfortable with a 'where is this going?' conversation as he changed the subject.

I’d go on the dates

Then you can decide if you’d like to see any of these guys again

Once the first guy is back from Xmas break, have a serious chat of whether this is going anywhere as you’ve been asked out and would like to know so you can decide to either stay and spend more time getting to know him, exclusively, or should you cut your losses now and pursue other opportunities

He can then either tell you yes, you’ll be exclusive or no, you’re not exclusive or no, he’s not looking for anything more

F he says he’s not sure, changes the subject, or in any other way not actually give you an answer in words, that is an answer in itself of a no, not exclusively and no to anything more as regards relationship with you

If you feel you cannot have even this basic a conversation with him, it’s doomed a d you should move on

As multi dating isn't huge in nz (casual things maybe - but not dating) - I'm thinking he thought you were dating each other? Are you sure his reaction wasn't that he was surprised you were dating other people, rather than that he isn't serious?