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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think he may not love me?

26 replies

talkativereptile · 16/12/2020 00:06

he rejects 99% of my kisses.

We are in our 20s. Sometimes I admit it is inconvenient, but other times we are literally in bed. He will turn his face away so I will kiss his cheek.

Hes funny with hygiene so wont kiss after meals or in the morning due to morning breath.

I feel so rejected. We have been together three years. It wasn't always like this.

Is this normal when dating workaholics?

OP posts:
Notapheasantplucker · 16/12/2020 00:14

Sorry to ask but...could you have bad breath? Or does he have bad breath (or teeth)? (He could be paranoid)
Does he usually like kissing or is that not really his thing?

AIMD · 16/12/2020 00:14

It’s not surprising you feel unloved of kissing is important to you but he turns away.

However turning away doesn’t necessarily mean he doesn’t love you. People all have different needs and some people drop away from touch/kisses at times they are overwhelmed or stressed.

I certainly love my husband but he is much more physically affectionate than me. I generally have much less need for touch and like my own space. I’d imagine he might write a similar post to yours.

I just think it’s important to each talk about your needs in a relationship. People show love in many ways.

Are the other parts of your relationship ok?

WilsonMilson · 16/12/2020 00:17

Sounds like he’s either paranoid about his own breath, or dare I say it might be you? Why not just talk to him about it? Kissing is a big part of intimacy, so if you can find out the issue hopefully you can tackle it.

MrDarcyismines · 16/12/2020 00:18

Is he affectionate in other ways? Cuddles? Holding hands? Sex?

Original poster
talkativereptile · 16/12/2020 00:28

his whole family is like this with the breath thing, I don't even go for morning kisses anymore. If it was my breath during the day he would not hold back from letting me know so thats not it. He is not affectionate in other ways no. He used to be when we were students. But he is like his father, a working robot.

When I have spoken to him about it he has said that he would try and accept more.

We then went for a walk in the park. I spun round and the hair was swept off my face and I felt stunning. we smiled at each other. I leaned in for a Kidd. He farted, got out his phone, and called his grandmother for a catch up

OP posts:
Original poster
talkativereptile · 16/12/2020 00:29

*kiss

OP posts:
Original poster
talkativereptile · 16/12/2020 00:30

Its hard to say if other parts of the relationship are ok. We get along fine, but are both so busy. Our social life was decimated by covid.

OP posts:
greyinganddecaying · 16/12/2020 00:50

I'm afraid it does sound like he's losing interest OP. Can you talk to him about it?

FlamedToACrisp · 16/12/2020 01:01

It sounds as if your relationship has run its course and he has lost interest in you. You feel rejected because you ARE being rejected.

Do your teeth need dental work? Do you have BO or sweaty armpits?

If you clean your teeth and scrub your tongue and he still rejects your kisses afterwards, then it's not your breath - he just doesn't want to kiss you.

If he kisses you in bed, do you assume sex is on offer? Are you both happy with your sex life together? Do you think he might have someone else?

In your position, I would give it six months, then cut my losses and leave him. Don't fritter away your young years in a bad relationship.

HooverWhenTheCoastIsClear · 16/12/2020 01:37

@talkativereptile

his whole family is like this with the breath thing, I don't even go for morning kisses anymore. If it was my breath during the day he would not hold back from letting me know so thats not it. He is not affectionate in other ways no. He used to be when we were students. But he is like his father, a working robot.

When I have spoken to him about it he has said that he would try and accept more.

We then went for a walk in the park. I spun round and the hair was swept off my face and I felt stunning. we smiled at each other. I leaned in for a Kidd. He farted, got out his phone, and called his grandmother for a catch up

Sorry op. I just burst out laughing. Hair swooshed in the wind off your face revealing beautiful glowing op... leans in for kiss... boyfriend farts...then rings granny.

🤣🤣🤣🤣

Aquamarine1029 · 16/12/2020 02:01

Oh dear, op. You are wasting your youth on him, and I desperately hope you come to realise this. Don't waste another day. As someone who is more than old enough to be your mum, and has children your age, I assure you this is not how it's supposed to be.

Notapheasantplucker · 16/12/2020 04:24

I think the problem is him, not you.

MerchantOfVenom · 16/12/2020 04:37

Oh dear, OP.

I think it’s the usual old chestnut...

He’s just not that into you.

Do yourself a favour and be the one to end it.

Flowers
Pipandmum · 16/12/2020 04:37

No this os not how it should be, and its obviously not what you want it to be either. Regardless of the missed opportunity in the park, who goes on a walk with their girlfriend and calls their grandmother? Can you imagine spending your life with a guy who doesn't want yo kiss you or show affection?
He's not kissing you because he's just not into you.

GoldfishParade · 16/12/2020 04:57

@talkativereptile
We then went for a walk in the park. I spun round and the hair was swept off my face and I felt stunning. we smiled at each other. I leaned in for a Kidd. He farted, got out his phone, and called his grandmother for a catch up

😂

HooverWhenTheCoastIsClear · 16/12/2020 05:19

[quote GoldfishParade]@talkativereptile
We then went for a walk in the park. I spun round and the hair was swept off my face and I felt stunning. we smiled at each other. I leaned in for a Kidd. He farted, got out his phone, and called his grandmother for a catch up

😂[/quote]
Glad it's not just me who laughed.

pilates · 16/12/2020 05:33

Gosh you’re in your 20’s. It should be at its best with full of vibrancy. I think your relationship may have run it’s course. Sorry 😞 What will it be like when you’re married with children and working? If you’re not happy now, it’s not an exciting prospect for you.

naturalyoghurtmuncher · 16/12/2020 06:01

@talkativereptile

his whole family is like this with the breath thing, I don't even go for morning kisses anymore. If it was my breath during the day he would not hold back from letting me know so thats not it. He is not affectionate in other ways no. He used to be when we were students. But he is like his father, a working robot.

When I have spoken to him about it he has said that he would try and accept more.

We then went for a walk in the park. I spun round and the hair was swept off my face and I felt stunning. we smiled at each other. I leaned in for a Kidd. He farted, got out his phone, and called his grandmother for a catch up

GrinGrinGrin
naturalyoghurtmuncher · 16/12/2020 06:13

I'm very sorry I laughed op crying with laughter in fact

I honestly think 'why is she bothering with this guy?' Plenty of other men out there.

Shoxfordian · 16/12/2020 06:22

Dump him and move on
Find someone else who wants to be in your park love story film

CrotchBurn · 16/12/2020 06:31

OP there is a man out there for you who will appreciate your windy park charm. You can do better than this granny calling farter!

Catflapkitkat · 16/12/2020 06:41

mrdarcyismines asked if he affectionate in other ways ie holding hands, cuddles, sex?

FangsForTheMemory · 16/12/2020 06:43

Did he SNAP and fart, OP?

dontgobaconmyheart · 16/12/2020 07:34

Strange times in the park OP.

Ultimately it sounds like you are desperate for his affection and attention (quite reasonably) but are getting absolutely nothing from him. Nobody here can say whether or not he loves or cares for you but three years in it doesn't sound very worthwhile or that your needs are being met.

You need to seriously consider the effect that this relationship is having on your self esteem, which sounds low, and you come across as very sad. Instead of worrying about whether you're good enough for him or whether he still likes you or why he doesn't I would worry about whether YOU are happy with him and what he is offering you and is that good enough for YOU. Not what he USED to offer you, but what you tangibly get from him now and how good you feel about yourself in the current dynamic.

If you've tried to discuss it and nothing's changed you'd have to assume it isn't likely to. He sounds very undesirable anyway, I think we can all do better than a guy who let's rip in the park and would rather call his nan that have a kiss. I suppose at least he calls his nan but still OP, that isn't enough to redeem it.

PillowPrincess · 16/12/2020 07:37

He wasn't like this and now is. Dump him. There is no rewind button.