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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be disappointed by DP's lack of support after nan's death

3 replies

littlepieces · 15/12/2020 23:54

My nan died recently in quite traumatic circumstances and it's been very upsetting for me and my family. Funeral was yesterday.

My partner is generally quite caring, but he's sort of just ignored it. He was mildly sympathetic for a day or two when it first happened a few weeks ago, but hasn't mentioned it or asked how I'm feeling since, without me bringing it up, and he totally forgot about the funeral. I understand he's been really wrapped up in work recently and has had a bit of a stressful financial issue that's been really bad luck, but I'm really disappointed in him. I get the impression he's a bit like 'oh well it's just your nan and she was old.' I get a lot of people find death awkward but all he needs to do is show that he acknowledges I'm sad and make it seem like he cares and he's there. Doesn't feel like that at the moment. Some of my work colleagues have shown more concern. Aibu?

Just to note we've been living apart at our family homes since last week, after our last tenancy ended, waiting to move into a new house in the NY.

OP posts:
HooverWhenTheCoastIsClear · 16/12/2020 07:45

People are usually relieved that you don't bring it up, as they can feel awkward, this might be why he's not mentioned it. I found when my dad was unwell with dementia people often said 'oh no..how old is he?' (Probably thinking young as I'm not very old but he was an older parent so he was 80) then when they found out it was just, 'oh well ....he's old...' it's just the way people are unfortunately.

Sorry about your Nan op.
Hope you're ok x

TheRaccoon · 16/12/2020 07:51

I’d understand more from someone who doesn’t know you/ your family very well, but surely your DP will understand how hard you’re finding it?

Regardless of age, losing a close family member is hard and I would have struggled to get through losing my dad without my DH and friends checking in on me and being understanding. He was 84 when he passed away (although I was only 29).

Maybe just have a quiet word and let him know you’d appreciate more support from him.

I’m sorry for your loss, Flowers

Mindymomo · 16/12/2020 08:06

It sounds like you and your partner have a lot going on at the moment. Has he had to deal with any losses in his family, because it sometimes can be hard if you’ve not had to deal with bereavement before.

Sorry for your loss of your Nan.

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