Just a piece of paper?

[Redwinemakesitfine]

Please help me work out if I am making a big deal out of this - I don’t think I am, but does this seem like bitterness?

Me = single, no kids - I have a group of long standing friends from school plus some newer ones

I make an effort to remember birthdays, send cards, give thoughtful and nice versions of gifts for friends plus kids and partners. Everyone has had multiple big life events - house warming’s, hen parties, weddings, babies, christenings and kids’ birthdays which I have celebrated and also given gifts and cards

This year I received 3 birthday cards from friends - 1 from the school group - and I feel really sad about it. I realise it’s only a piece of paper but for me it shows thought and a bit of effort, none of which seems reciprocated. I moved into my first house last Christmas which for me WAS my big life event - I received a couple of cards and one house warming gift

This isn’t about giving to receive, I would be happy with a card, it’s not about money spent, it’s about the thought.

YANBU - your friends need to step up
YABU - get over yourself, no one sends cards anymore

If I ANBU how do I broach this? I’ve been friends with this group since primary school

As it all seems one way I really wouldn’t bother making a fuss of their ‘life events’ in the future. Add it all up, you’ll have spent a lot of money. I wouldn’t make a public fuss, I would just quietly not bother again.

Agree with @GordonsAliveAndEatsPies, I've never really been much into gifts and cards for birthdays as it was quite a big group of school friends. But I'd always put in for things like baby presents when someone was expecting, new houses etc . Since they all had kids (I'm expecting but don't have any yet) And I live in a different city now, I feel like we have less and less in common.

I do pick up on how much they gush in their Facebook birthday posts to each other though, they select numerous pictures of themselves looking beautiful with the birthday person and write these daft long messages about how the birthday person is the best person in the world 🤮 I'm not really into that but I'm always left feeling a little rejected when I don't get a simple happy birthday from a lot of them.

They've also got in to the habit over recent years of making a show of how much of a friend they are. They'd club together to buy flowers for ANY reason now, I mean someone could fart and they'd buy them flowers. Then they make a big deal over it over social media. They do it for the likes. I just don't bother anymore.

You're clearly a very thoughtful person, your friends have different priorities to you.

Have you told everyone how important this was to you? and what a big step you thought it was?

I'll be honest I always send a card to a friend moving house, it's a nice gesture but in my priorities it's not a big event. That's wrong of me though, I'm just trying to explain how others might see things.

Do people message you to say congrats or happy birthday etc? If so I think that has replaced cards for a lot of people now. But if they don't bother doing it now I'd stop. I wouldn't say anything unless you know they are all doing cards all the time for each other and therefore treating you differently. I don't give many cards as it seems like a giant waste of time to me but then I am not at all bothered about receiving them either unless they have a long note inside from someone I havent seen in ages or a pic of their kids or something then to me it literally is a piece of paper with their name on that's not worth the cost and the effort. It's something I associate with the older generation - my mum somehow buys a card for every occasion.

I don't give cards very often, usually only if I know someone's kids will really enjoy it. For me its an environmental thing, I don't like to generate waste. I don't think many people do cards anymore with texting and messaging?

Massive overreaction.
You mention single and no kids despite that being irrelevant to your question - is this about more than cards? About you feeling shut out or underappreciated?

@CrotchBurn - I mention being single and having no kids as they would have been the occasions to reciprocate; as in I haven’t had a wedding, baby shower etc for them to attend/celebrate. So when something did eventually happen for me, like buying my first house, I felt they might think ‘Yay, this is such a big deal for you red wine, let’s celebrate’, essentially be thoughtful and make the effort to recognise it.

I suppose it makes me feel uncared for - they seemingly don’t take the time to think about me. It’s sad after 25 years of friendship.

It’s pants and no wonder you feel let down