Would you send a Christmas card back if trying to unfriend someone?

[dingledongmerrilymysky]

I have a friend and she's nice enough, but unfortunately her DC had become a nightmare. I am very patient and try to help her out when we are all out together, but as he's got older his behaviour is worse. He has outbursts and friend is full of excuses. Friend really tries, but is a bit worn down and shouty, which I can completely appreciate why. The way she deals with her DC makes him react more, and I'm pretty sure he has some additional needs. She is very much in denial of this, which is a shame as it could help her cope better with him if he was diagnosed. I know previously she's mentioned school concerns and brushed them off. They suggested a referral and some tests and she didn't do them. It could be however that she just doesn't want to tell me, but my DC has had some issues himself, not behaviour related and I'm very open and have taken every test and even been on a parenting course.
The issue is the last few times we've seen them my DC has said he doesn't want to be friends anymore. I haven't enjoyed meetings it's been very tense, lots of aggression from her Dc and her shouting. My DS has got upset. I found I was getting a snappy due to the atmosphere. So I've actively distanced myself. I have replied to messages but not been as chatty and not instigated them myself. I don't bump into this friend, different areas so our children aren't at school together. But she has sent a Christmas card, we usually exchange cards. I hadn't sent her one as I've done mine. Now I'm feeling bad, I don't want to upset her, it's not her fault or even her DCs fault, but I don't want to friends anymore.

I'd probably still send a card but keep her at arm's length going forward

I’d be honest with her.

You don’t have to be mean or cruel but she is failing her son by not seeking the help he needs.

Be kind but be honest.

I think I’d send a card but I wouldn’t be meeting her when the kids were around, so it would be adults only meet-ups or nothing, if that’s even what you want.

I've just gone through the exact same thing OP. Was devastated as lost a good friend but so many instances of her children being awful to mine, and her just sitting simpering saying "oh dear" as my 4yo cried his heart out at her DD's nastiness, I gave up the ghost.

I am sending a card this year because the incident is so recent. And I don't want to make it "a thing". But I imagine that next year we will be phased out and won't send one to each other

Loads of people aren’t sending cards for one reason or another so if you don’t want to send one then don’t. She’ll have noticed you’re not in touch as much so doubt she’ll be surprised not to get a card.

Can you be friends outside of your children's relationship? If you like her and enjoy her company away from her child then can you not continue on that basis? She probably could use your experience and support at some stage.
However if you feel it is emotionally draining and not much in common, then withdraw. But I'd still send a Christmas card.

I would just leave it.

We became friends as our DC both the same age. We've never met without our DC. I have a few others friends I do see with their kids. Even with different age DC they all play happily together few times a year or so I know that it's possible, just not with this particular friend.

@GlummyMcGlummerson it's so tough. I don't like to criticise as parenting is really hard.

Just don’t send one. She possibly won’t notice anyway, most people are busy at this time of year and it sounds like she has a lot on her plate.