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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think some people ( like me) aren't great at careers?

58 replies

malificent7 · 15/12/2020 20:23

I do well academically but when it comes to getting and keeping a job ...that is a different thing.
I struggled to get a job as teacher and now I have retrained (NHS) i just got turned down for my 1st job interview. I know I have to try harder but some of my peers just walked into their first role.
Truth be told , I often feel totally overwhelmed at work and am much happier pottering around at home. I just cannot cope with the cut and thrust of office politics but I need to coz of money.

OP posts:
Circumlocutious · 15/12/2020 21:23

@Butchyrestingface

I can't do job interviews. At all. Eventually, I got so sick and disheartened at the feedback and having such a clearly unacceptable personality/character/face, that I gave up.

I've worked freelance for 20 years as a sole trader. Been having the time of my life at work during Lockdown but more generally speaking, I would have preferred salaried employment.

I have one this week. The thought of it makes me want to disappear from known society, become a monk and live an ascetic lifestyle forever more.
Butchyrestingface · 15/12/2020 21:27

I have one this week. The thought of it makes me want to disappear from known society, become a monk and live an ascetic lifestyle forever more.

Is it on Zoom? At least if you get a really hard question that stumps you, you can end the call and pretend you got cut off and rejoin, having taken 5 minutes to come up with an answer. Grin.

Any awkwardness during the interview they also be might more likely to chalk up to general awkwardness around having to use such an unnatural medium for an interview.

SarahAndQuack · 15/12/2020 21:31

@malificent7

I know this SarahandWuack and I do agree....but I wish it didnt make me so terribly stressed.
But it does everyone.

It's shit. But it's the situation.

If you convince yourself there's something strange about you that means you are not coping, you're on a hiding to nothing. It's not you. If you want something to blame, blame the fact that the world has gone to hell in a handcart in 2020, and it wasn't great before that. But don't start telling yourself you must be more stressed than usual or struggling more than is normal - that way madness lies.

Circumlocutious · 15/12/2020 21:33

@Butchyrestingface

I have one this week. The thought of it makes me want to disappear from known society, become a monk and live an ascetic lifestyle forever more.

Is it on Zoom? At least if you get a really hard question that stumps you, you can end the call and pretend you got cut off and rejoin, having taken 5 minutes to come up with an answer. Grin.

Any awkwardness during the interview they also be might more likely to chalk up to general awkwardness around having to use such an unnatural medium for an interview.

It is on Zoom indeed. Hate the bloody thing!

Good tip. Will save that for 'when have you made a mistake at work?'

Original poster
malificent7 · 15/12/2020 21:34

My interview feedback was that i needed to sell myself more. But the first question was " tell me about yourself" and I went in with the hard sell and said well im dynamic( with examples), tenacious ( with examples),a good team player ( with examples) but apparently this was the wrong approach and i should have spoken about my current role as a student.

OP posts:
eaglejulesk · 15/12/2020 21:34

I've worked in admin/customer service for over 40 years. Most of the time I didn't enjoy it, but thought I liked working and planned to continue past retirement age. I took voluntary redundancy over two years ago, thinking it would be easy to find another job - it wasn't. I'm existing on a combination of a jsa and temporary part-time work. While I don't hate the work I feel overwhelmed by it and am always scared I'm not doing well enough. Even though the people I've worked for have been happy with me I feel hopeless - and that's not helped by not being able to find a full time job. A lottery win would have me giving up and pottering about at home. I have loved it when I'm not working, it's absolute Heaven. I never wanted a career, just a job to earn money to live, and tbh never understood why people get so overly invested in their work.

Chew2 · 15/12/2020 21:35

I'm the same op, and also a qualified teacher, I moved away from the profession as I couldn't get any permanent or semi-permanent roles and couldn't afford to do crappy supply work anymore. Now work in a low paid job, I do like that I can switch off as soon as I have clocked off but would like a reasonable paid job at some point. Every job rejection is another blow to my confidence. I know I am awful in interviews and just wish I had the gift of the gab to land a decent job. I am also serously thinking of re-training in another profession but don't want to go through it all and not get a job at the end of it.

eaglejulesk · 15/12/2020 21:38

@dayswithaY - I've just read your post, we are kindred spirits.

TableFlowerss · 15/12/2020 21:39

I’m the same OP. I do have a degree but my DH has a good wage and we own a couple of properties outright that we rent out. So I work part time for a bit of extra money but we’d be fine if I didn’t.

I can’t be arsed with the wok politics either. Theres always the arse lickers of the boss, arse licking to the other staff, bitching, back stabbing, would sell their granny types..... I literally can not be done with the office politics. I can’t wait to get home.

I can’t cope with how twattyness of other people. Folk that are too blunt and direct and upset others- just all of it. I won’t get started on the customers 😂

I want an easy life and not to be stressed to the hills. Imo working full time is not worth extra money. I’d rather have less than put up with other folks shight

SarahAndQuack · 15/12/2020 21:52

@malificent7

My interview feedback was that i needed to sell myself more. But the first question was " tell me about yourself" and I went in with the hard sell and said well im dynamic( with examples), tenacious ( with examples),a good team player ( with examples) but apparently this was the wrong approach and i should have spoken about my current role as a student.
Don't take it to heart too much.

Maybe they really did want to know more about you as a student. Or maybe you weren't coming across well in some other way. Or, maybe, there was just someone else better, and they've given you feedback, but basically they'd made their choice.

When you've had more interviews you'll have more of a sense of how it's going, but I really wouldn't start second-guessing yourself on the basis of a single interview.

CounsellorTroi · 15/12/2020 21:53

I was never career orientated either. When I joined the civil service first it was never a problem. As long as you performed satisfactorily at the level you were happy at you were left alone. This is no longer the case, if you haven't got your eye on the next rung of the ladder you are seen as underperforming.

CoronaIsWatching · 15/12/2020 21:54

@Circumlocutious

YANBU but here you'll get told that you need a minimum 300k pension or you'll die old, cold and penniless on the streets.
I remember a thread on here a while ago asking what you would do if you won a million quid, a good portion of the replies were saying how they would just carry on as normal as it's not a life altering amount
Talk4000 · 15/12/2020 21:55

You are not alone. I hate office politics.

The thing to do is find a very strong boss who knows your worth and value and then just hide behind him/her.

That worked for me a lot of the time. You need someone with a big fuck off ego to protect you. Of course you'll never get the limelight but that didn't bother me. I did good work, my bosses knew I was bright and capable - sometimes even more than them - but we had different strengths. I made them look good, they valued and protected me (most of the time).

Look for a job where you're the power behind the throne.

FriedTomatoe · 15/12/2020 21:56

I see where you're coming from and I felt the same in my previous career. I spent 7 years in quite a well paid job before I had my kids and although there were elements of the job I loved, it was much more stress than it was worth. Post children I had to either go back to what I did before or do something completely different. I became a TA - it doesn't sound as good as my previous job description but it's the right job for me. It's much less admin, very people focused and as a TA you're always encouraged to learn new things. I think a lot of people aren't in the right jobs. If you love learning, why haven't you considered working in research or at a university?

lottiegarbanzo · 15/12/2020 21:58

Being good at interviews and at doing the job are not the same thing. Interviews are a notoriously unreliable way of selecting the right person for a job.

Sewsosew · 15/12/2020 22:00

I just want a part time job, I don’t mind if it’s minimum wage. What I’m struggling to find is something that doesn’t expect the world for that and for you to be dynamic and progressive.
I just want a mundane task for a few hours and have the odd chat with people. Nobody wants that though. I don’t want to be in a fast pace environment etc. I want a job I can get on with and do well and if I’m not feeling chatty I can just get on with it in peace.

BonnieDundee · 15/12/2020 22:00

YANBU OP. a lottery win will see me hand in my notice and never.work again. Oh to potter round at home and make nice meals every day instead of shoving something in the oven for quickness

FestiveFruitloop · 15/12/2020 22:01

I can relate OP. I'm currently lucky enough to be doing work I really enjoy, but these days I'm glad to be working remotely (and prior to my current job was self-employed for many years) because I'm just not 'business-y'. I lack business smarts and am not ambitious for progress per se - provided I can earn reasonable money I care far more about job satisfaction than progressing up the greasy pole.

Fortunately I'm in a creative field so my lack of business smarts hasn't been all that much of a problem, but I really abhorred the office politics in some of my past jobs.

If I won the lottery I'd stop working altogether and devote myself to creative writing, which is my real passion.

OrangeBananaFish · 15/12/2020 22:01

I'm not a career person either. I just want an easy life. Just enough money to pay the bills and a little bit left over for fun (say £50-£100 a month) is all I need. Rather have the time than the money. Its also why I never do overtime either.

I haven't stayed longer in a job than one or two years. My CV probably isn't great, but I get a job then I really start to hate it. I started at my current place last November and I promised myself that if it didn't work out then office work isn't for me and I will look to work in retail. Well then the world went to shit and I've been hating my job for months and regularly have tears about it. I'm a bit stuck now, although hopefully not forever.

I did start to do some professional qualifications a few years ago, but stopped after level 3. I'm happy with a low level job that gives me a good work/life balance.

Spanielmadness · 15/12/2020 22:02

Yes, I had corporate jobs for years and hated it - always felt anxious and out of place.

I quit and retrained to work for myself in a job I don’t consider ‘work’ in that sense.

I was lucky to be financially supported in doing so and I am still. You can’t survive alone on what I make but I’m soooo much happier and fulfilled.

SparklingLime · 15/12/2020 22:04

That sounds really hard, @eaglejulesk. Flowers

Lucy830 · 15/12/2020 22:12

OP,

I am exactly the same. I trained for years at Uni, and then into ‘career’ and I hate it.

Where has this ‘you need a career’ crap come from? I totally bought into it, thought I’d be an independent woman, challenged and happy-I’m not.

I am on maternity and bloody loving it.

MiniTheMinx · 15/12/2020 22:12

I found working easier to endure when I was younger, some days I even enjoyed it. I have no problem with interviews, getting a job is easy, keeping it isn't. I get bored very quickly. I find academia easy and I found like minded people who accepted me as I am. At work I am constantly having to act normal, interested when I am not, and caring when I often don't give a hoot. The staff I work with don't give a hoot either, and as a result I have seen some true horror stories unfold. Kids pulled face down over playgrounds, vulnerable adults assaulted, persons with disabilities humiliated, and elderly people neglected. All by the people paid to care. It has made me cynical. People have changed in the last 20 years and not for the better. And I don't really want to work with these people because I do not like them. I do care about the children we work with, but after a while in one place I become disillusioned and cynical all over again, and I have been told that others are aware of it and feel judged, and they do not feel supported by me. But its hard to support other staff when you think they are sadistic, stupid, selfish fuckwits. And its these people who also tend to do well for themselves and influence the culture in the workplace. Self interested and ambitious, they will trample over even those they are paid to care for......and its not motivated by money. They are motivated by power. Having never sought power over anyone, I am perceived as being some sort of weird anomaly. So much bullying in work places now as compared to 20 years ago.

Woollyslippers · 15/12/2020 22:14

A couple of decades ago people didn’t have careers, they had jobs, which was something you did to survive and pay the bills, nor did it define you. But now society deems this not to be good enough and you have to be ambitious, dynamic, etc. As such folk feel pressured to be seen to be doing all these things and end up stressed and burnt out as they try to fit their square self into a round hole, to pay the mortgage and buy more stuff they don’t need.

Queuing4Fergs · 15/12/2020 22:19

My need to pay the mortgage outweighs my desire to just shrug and say "work too hard, me no likee"