To not know what to do with DS

[overchan]

I'm new here but need advice

My DS is 15 and in year 11. His behaviour has been awful the past few weeks with skipping school and lying. Today I got a message saying he wasn't in school and when he got home at normal time he acted like he'd been to school. I then had a call from my MIL and she said that DS told his cousin (just turned 12) to skip school and hang around with him and his mates his cousin said no and DS said well you're just a coward and no one will like you so his cousin agreed. He then told him to steal some alcohol from the shop and he told him that if he didn't he wouldn't be able to hang around with him or his mates again(his cousin looks up to him) so he did and he got caught obviously but luckily the police weren't called as the man who was working in the shop could tell he was young and he was probably forced but he told nephew to call MIL.

I spoke to DS and he said he didn't say that to nephew but then he said he did but he was only joking and he told me not to tell DH. I've took his phone and playstation off of him but really don't know where to go from here

Can I have advice ☹️

And when I took his phone and playstation he had ago at me and then went in the living room and when DD (5) hugged him he told her to fuck off and DH won't be back until late as hes working nights this week

He does not get to dictate to you about what you inform your DH off or not. Would you like it if DH kept this from you? You need to speak to him so you are both on the same page with the consequences but also, so your DS cannot start to manipulate you when your husband is working nights. Ask him to call you on his break and stay up if needed.

There's a few issues to this

• bunking of school
• bullying cousin to bunk of school and then steal
• lie to you about the above
• verbal abuse to his sister. He's aware of right and wrong and things not to say in front of a 5 year old so doing so is disrespecting her.

Sounds as if his punishment is right as cannot have rewards of a phone and console if acting like he is. I would even be driving him to the school gates until he can be trusted again to turn up in school. If that means he has to get there early because you've school run to do for DD then tough - teachers will be in and I'm sure they will accommodate him going through main entrance and him being in than not turning up so speak to the office or head of year.

If you give any financial allowance then I'd withdraw that for a few weeks being disrespectful to you, DD and his cousin. I also have a hatred of lies and saw on MN before someone took their son to the local police station (she popped in first to let them know) for lying or something which scared him enough to never do it again. I've banked than one for whenever I need to do it but given he's coerced a minor into stealing you might be able to see if a local PCSO or something could have a word before it escalates. If he's doing it to a family member which other kids is he going to do it with? Main thing is letting your DH know so he is fully aware and on board. You can't keep this from him and a 15 year old cannot have that power over you.

Has his behaviour always been like this (ie defiant)? Is this a sudden change?

Is there anything else going on that could affect him emotionally (eg bereavement, SEN)?

I didn’t have any helpful advice but you need to come down hard on this or it will get out of hand drastically I’m the near future. What are his close group of friends like? Are they a bad bunch? Would it be worth your while looking into a different school to get him away from them and give him another chance to redeem himself? I assume the other children’s parents know where their kids have been all day? If not I would inform them, it may make your son unpopular with them and they may not want to hang out with him (bonus)!

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