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To Think 3-4 Is Young To Be Concerned With Fashion?!

24 replies

Toomuchtooyoung01 · 15/12/2020 18:12

DD is 3.5yrs and attends nursery a few times a week. She regularly reports other little girls will make comments about her clothes/hair accessories, saying they're rubbish or going out of their way to tell DD that they dont like what shes wearing. I promise you, DD is very well dressed/well presented. She genuinely dresses really nicely for nursery and her hair is always clean and tied up neatly with nice hairbands etc
I went to an all girls school and am more than aware girls can be savage to each other (If anything this makes me even more aware of dressing her well to try and stop her being a target of bitchy comments), but regardless I am so shocked that this kind of nonsense is happening in nursery school!
She is so aware of it that she is fussy about what she wears now and pre-empts these kids being unkind, as an exmaple she had a Christmas outfit she loves but before wearing it to nursery started getting anxious saying she was worried what these kids would say about it.
She is a really friendly, kind kid who if anything is always complimenting other children so its not like shes said something mean and they have retaliated.
I've mentioned it to the nursery staff who have been lovely and said they will look out for it, but my question is whether this is normal in nursery schools and I shouldn't be shocked by it at their age???

OP posts:
Rosebel · 15/12/2020 19:00

No that's not normal. I have never heard of children this young saying things like that.
You say daughter dresses nicely, perhaps they just wear older clothes for nursery and are jealous?
Tbh I'm amazed they notice.
It's really hard especially as your daughter is so young but try to encourage her to ignore the mean comments and tell the staff. I'm sure some of the children aren't saying these things so try to encourage her to play with those children.

Dishwashersaurous · 15/12/2020 20:40

Not normal at all. Maybe it’s actually just one child.

tenterden · 15/12/2020 20:41

This doesn't sound normal at all. I would expect the staff to have a general chat about it and nip this in the bud.

GroundAlmonds · 16/12/2020 09:23

Does she go to nursery in an American High School? Confused

Nowaynl · 16/12/2020 09:33

Not normal, never had any experience of this with my DC. It’s only started very recently with my DD tbh and she’s in year 5.

BiscuitDrama · 16/12/2020 09:36

Not normal. Also got away with anything till yr 5 here too.

winterbabythistime · 16/12/2020 09:37

That's very unusual at that age.

UnconsideredTrifles · 16/12/2020 09:43

My DD is in the same age bracket. She'll come home and say "Rose has a necklace" with a significant look that means that she wants one too, but I've never heard her or any of the others say anything negative about another child's clothes. I really don't think that's normal!

BarbiesWorld · 16/12/2020 09:45

My 4 year old DD is obsessed with clothes but in a "I want to wear sparkles and dresses that twirl well" kind of way. What you're describing is not normal ime

MaskingForIt · 16/12/2020 09:47

Maybe she is overdressed and they think she looks a bit poncy or up herself? Nursery clothes should be soft and something that can get messy, they shouldn’t be dolled up to the nines.

What are the name-callers wearing?

MistletoeandGin · 16/12/2020 09:51

No, not normal. My 7 year old has never been bothered what she wears and has never made any reference to anyone commenting on what she wears.
My 5 year old is definitely more bothered about what she wears... she notices things other people wear that she would like, for example, and is particular about the style of clothes she wears. It’s very much confined to herself though, other than to say ‘I want a skirt like x’s’ she wouldn’t really consider what anyone else was wearing.

NRE20 · 16/12/2020 09:56

Doesn’t sound usual, but maybe one or two of the kids have older siblings influencing them. My 4 y/o has recently been saying and doing things that he gets from my 9 year old niece and 8 year old nephew.
We just talk to home about what he’s saying and encourage him to enjoy his days and to keep coming to us with questions when he’s not sure about something.
Talking to the nursery staff was a good idea. They’ll know what to look out for, at least.

ChocolateSantaisthebestkind · 16/12/2020 09:57

My guess is the child is repeating what either parents or older siblings are saying. If it were me, I would mention it to your child's key worker and then they can keep an ear out and perhaps do some activities about what's inside mattering more than clothes etc. I feel for you though, I have a 3 yo girl and I worry sometimes about how much externals seem to matter to others even at such a young age.

PhoenixReincarnated · 16/12/2020 10:28

When I read your title it reminded me of when my DD, at the age of 4, sat down with the catalogue and went through the girls section pointing out what she liked. Never once did she mention, or even seemed to notice, what others were wearing.

YANBU. Agree with pp about speaking to her key worker. Hopefully nursery will be able to nip it in the bud.

TheKeatingFive · 16/12/2020 10:31

It’s not unusual for kids of this age to be into their clothes, so I find your title a bit misleading.

What you’re describing though is nasty behaviour and that should be dealt with by nursery.

winterbabythistime · 16/12/2020 11:19

Maybe she is overdressed and they think she looks a bit poncy or up herself?

Do pre-schoolers even know what poncy and up herself means?

MistletoeandGin · 16/12/2020 11:49

Maybe she is overdressed and they think she looks a bit poncy or up herself?

What a ridiculous comment.

noscoobydoodle · 16/12/2020 11:54

My oldest DD has been obsessed with 'fashion' i.e. clothes and being particular about what she wears from being well under 2yo and she is very very sensitive. On two occasions another child said they didn't like her coat and then she really really didn't want to wear it ( this was nursery age). I don't think the other kids were being nasty (I did raise with nursery) - they just say what they think and it was just a throwaway comment to them whereas she got fixated on it! Now she is older she can get quite anxious and we are working on her resilience. My younger daughter doesn't care about clothes at all and doesn't care what anyone thinks (her nickname is Stig of the dump!). I think raise it with the nursery as either she is being picked on which they can nip in the bud or they can work on being kind, feelings etc with the group.

MaskingForIt · 16/12/2020 12:18

Do pre-schoolers even know what poncy and up herself means?

They’re unlikely to know the words, but they may well understand the projection.

Tfoot75 · 16/12/2020 12:26

Not normal for this age, no. My 7yo has her own sense of 'style' and she and her friends like to exclaim over what each other is wearing but not aware that this has included any negative comments yet even at that age.

Only thing I can think of is if the parents have commented and the kids are projecting what they've heard. Does she fit in, or are her nice clothes out of sync? My own dds would just wear leggings and hoodies at nursery before they started uniformed nursery and I don't tend to let them wear their nice hair clips/Bows to school as they are easily lost.

Yeahnahmum · 16/12/2020 12:46

Ridiculous at that age.

formerbabe · 16/12/2020 12:51

Wtf...never heard of such a thing. My dd is in year five and this stuff hasn't occured yet

Cornishmumofone · 16/12/2020 13:05

My 4 year old is like this. She has a strong idea of what she wants to wear and regularly tells me "X hated my dress today" or "Y said my shoes were yucky". I don't think the incidents have actually happened - DD just likes a bit of drama and is often tired and emotional by the time she gets home.

EnPoinsettia · 16/12/2020 13:21

That’s not normal. I think the fashion angle is a red herring though, it’s just about bullying. So if it wasn’t clothes it’d be something else.

For a child to have a real interest in fashion/style at that age, in a positive way, would be a little bit precocious but in a good way, wouldn’t be a bad thing at all. Like I’m sure Alexander McQueen and Yves Saint Laurent were making mental notes on stuff at that age

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