At my wits end with house renovation

[IndieRo]

We had a major leak in our house in October. We had to stay in a hotel for four days with 3dc while the boiler and heating was fixed. We claimed through our insurance but are still waiting our payment to go into the bank, settlement figure has been agreed. The work started on our home 4 weeks ago tomorrow. We are lucky that we could move into my Grandmothers house which is a 15 minute drive away from our home home. Unfortunately grandmother passed away two years ago and nobody had lived in the house for the last 8 years so it's quite run downand we are all on mattresses in one bedroom. Most of the dirty heavy work is almost done in our house but it's the fiddly little things that are taking so long. My DH is self employed so he's out the door trying to finish other people's houses. I might add DH did a lot of the work on our house including fitting installation, putting down new flooring and painting etc. Last night he worked until 1.40 am to paint the stairs. I want to be moved back in by the 18th. I've a raging kidney infection and run ragged with the three dc as I'm also helping out in the house with painting, filling the skip, lifting in beds and furniture etc. I really just want to get a handyman in to finish the job but DH having none of it and we had an almighty row on the phone over it again. DH always takes on too much and is quite controlling with work being carried out in our home. I'm just tired and want to be back home and get ready for Christmas. Need advice on how to keep positive. I suffer with anxiety so I am prone to be negative whereas DH always sees the positive.

Just to add if it wasn't Christmas soon I wouldn't be so anxious about getting back home.

I do understand this but your DH is doing the best he can and you are ill so you need to rest. I know Christmas may not be what you want but I am sure you will make it as lovely as you can. Can you all decamp to a hotel for the two days of Christmas just to be somewhere comfortable for a little while?

I would go yo a hotel but DH is adamant we will be in our home. I just don't fancy moving back into our house at 8pm Christmas Eve.

Yeah I get this, it must be really hard to be so displaced, not sure when it’s done, be ill and be caring doe kids.

I’m currently having my bathroom redone and goodness I can’t wait for the disruption to end, and that’s just the bathroom.

Why does your husband not wish to get help is it cost? Can you work out rh bare min you need doing before you can move in, and set a firm date?

Also I don’t understand, things like painting the stairs can be done when you’re in there. Is it habitable? Water, utilities, waste etc?

My husband is a tradesman so won't pay for another tradesman to do work. He also thinks if I can find somebody who's available now that they must be no good. Money not an issue. I had said the 18th to DH as the new carpet on stairs is getting laid then.

Yes we have heat, gas, electricity.
but DH wants to get everything done before we move back in. No beds in any rooms and bathroom not finished, waiting on a sink tap and for the waste to be sorted but all tiled and new toilet, vanity unit etc. His brother is hanging new doors now and the new floors are down.

I don’t think you can move in till the waste is sorted, for obvious reasons. But I don’t see anything else on hour list would stop you. Just tell him you’re moving back

OP, realistically, even if your DH didn’t want to pay another tradesman, actually funding someone who is good that has availability before Xmas is practically impossible

Sorry I’m confused, the loo can’t because the waste isn’t sorted?

The waste pipe for the toilet is not sorted. Also needs to be siliconed. I did find somebody to put beds together, hang mirrors, do some painting but DH said no.

BIL ( dhs brother) just told him he has a lot to do and how was he going to get it all done. BIL is a carpenter so working in the house. DH told him he would take tomorrow of work but I can't see that happening. DH also told my uncle that we would be moved out of my Grandmothers on Friday!

Get someone in to do your beds, mirrors etc. Who made him the boss, its your house as well or does he hold the money.

I understand him wanting it finished before Christmas but not at the expense of your health.

He doesn't hold the money. Another delay now. BIL told him that the door frames upstairs needed to be replaced to fit new doors. DH didn't agree. BIL was right, the doors wont hang properly. Doors were meant to be finished today. Won't be done until Thursday now. There is just no talking to him even BIL is pissed of. BIL is trying to do work and DH has shite everywhere, most of which can go in a skip but he's adamant he needs it and will put it in the garage, the garage that is packed full of our new furniture.

As they say on Mumsnet - you have a DH problem. Is he always this stubborn, making you anxious and ill to prove a point.

I would stay at your Grandmother's and let knobhead move into an unfinished house.

Put your foot down now or this will be your life forever.

@TheWernethWife my DH is not a knobhead, we are together 21 years and happy. It's just when it comes to do with anything regarding maintenance, work on the house he wants to do it all.