Husband sleeps in most mornings

[festivebeer2020]

My husband doesn't set an alarm in the morning now he's working from home. I do still set mine for around 6:30 when I will come down stairs have a coffee and get on with kids lunches and breakfast ect.
We have 3 dc but one is still quiet young so sometimes she wakes in the middle of the night and one of us will be up with her so on those times we generally give each other a few extra minutes in the morning but he was in bed asleep before me last night and he's only getting up now.
Our children need to be dropped to childcare in 15 minutes (his job as I collect). I shouldn't have to keep waking him every morning to remind him but now I'm after starting the morning on an argument for saying something. 😩

My partners excuse is that he's 'never been good at getting up'
I tried to explain that the more you do it, the more habit it becomes. I used to lie in pre-kids but someone has to get up & get them ready! Even at the weekends, he would left them roam the house alone if it were up to him.
I feel your pain OP.

Definitely talk to him and discuss the issues. We take it on turns each day on who gets up and it works well and continues to weekends as well so we both get a lie in each week. Hes an adult and needs to start acting like one. Its not difficult to set an alarm. Also as a pp said i wiuld ask him to help you get things ready at night so you arent doing it in the morning

Just have a chat and work out a more equitable arrangement.

Seems odd to be getting up (and resenting it) at 6.30 though when there is no need to do so. Just sort lunches out the night before.

I think 6.30 seems a very early time to set an alarm if no-one needs to leave the house til gone 8! Surely more sensible for you both to get up together at a sensible time (say 7/7.15)? Prep such as lunches etc can be done (by both of you) the night before, and you can both work together to get the children up and dressed and ready to leave.

If a grown up chat doesn't work...
I would go in the room, open the curtains, turn on all the lights and leave. Plus set a loud alarm

@mrsm43s

I think 6.30 seems a very early time to set an alarm if no-one needs to leave the house til gone 8! Surely more sensible for you both to get up together at a sensible time (say 7/7.15)? Prep such as lunches etc can be done (by both of you) the night before, and you can both work together to get the children up and dressed and ready to leave.

I think this is a really important point. One of the reasons I was getting so resentful is that in order to make sure everything was done, including waking him up repeatedly, I had to get up earlier. Once we shared it, I no longer had to allocate additional morning time to get everything done. Now one of us gets up at 7 to feed pets, make tea etc then wakes the other one and by 7:30 we are up and moving and getting kids ready, lunches, breakfast etc.

the obvious answer is to switch to you doing the drop offs, surely?

Tell him you're not his mum and you are going to use an airhorn next time he requires you as a back-up alarm clock.

Honestly I've just learnt to accept it

why? what does he just accept that you do? is it comparable?

Tbh I wouldn’t bother having any chats or trying to negotiate morning and afternoon chores. (After all, he hasnt discussed having his lie-ins with you) I would just tell him that from now on you’ll be having lie-ins every other day and the kids are his job on those mornings.

I read that as accurate rather than a suggestion that it was a bargaining tool.

Accurate? That a woman should withhold sex as if she isn't worth anything more? Nah that's sexist crap. Women are worth more than 'I won't shag you if you don't do XYX'

My alarm goes off at 6.45am, I have to be up by 7.15am but I like the time to come round..

Dh is usually awake before me, but yet I was always the one getting up, sorting 3 kids out (first one has to be out the door by 8.15, next 2 by 8.30) making lunches etc. He would mosey on down around 8am, switch on his work stuff and sort out eldests bike and take younger ones to school.

I mentioned one day how it's always me that gets up gets kids up, sorta dishwasher, breakfast and lunches and generally chases kids and then he appears and "finishes it off". Since then he does get up and we tend to share the chores a bit now.

So the moral of my story, sit him down and talk to him!

I definitely think he should be doing his fair share, and it sounds as if he may not be.

But, I would be pretty cross with a partner who decided she wanted to get up at 6.30 and therefore, I had to too. In fact, my DP does get up around that time, and I don't get up with her. She's a grown adult and does not require supervision in the kitchen while she makes her lunch for work.

I'd separate out that issue from the amount of work you're each doing.

Working from home seems temporary from what I can guess. Getting out of good habits is storing up later difficulties, as well as being unreasonable now.

I like some suggestions about doing some prep night before but instead of OP doing it why doesn't her husband do it. That way he has shared some of workload doing prep evening before can lie in the morning and OP doesn't need to get up early either