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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Big age gap - is he interested? Or AIBU

28 replies

SortyFomething · 14/12/2020 21:30

I recently started a new job.

One colleague has been super helpful and friendly and gone out of his way to help me. I feel he makes a point of talking to me whenever we meet, going out of his way to chat, walking over to start up a conversation etc. There’s lots of eye contact too. Waving across rooms etc, smiling.

The thing is....I’m over 40 and he is (I would guess) about 22. I’m single and think he’s very attractive.

And yet...Am I overthinking this? He’s probably just being polite right??!

AIBU to think there might be a mutual attraction?

OP posts:
Tinty · 14/12/2020 21:32

He is probably just being friendly. Don’t read more into it than there is, you probably remind him of his mum.

Yeahnahmum · 14/12/2020 21:38

Of course he could be interested in you. You are 40ish. Not ancient.
But the question is: why would you want him to? Because it is flattering, sure! But anything else: nope. There is not only an age gap. But a generation gap. And a "you deserve a man your own age" op. A 22 yo... would be in such a different fase of his life

Please dont talk about a mutual attraction.... you could lose your job. Over a kid that is exploring his boundries for some cool tales to tell his friends. Focus on the job op. And get yourego stroked by someone a tat older. ..

Original poster
SortyFomething · 14/12/2020 21:39

Thanks Tinty. Good point!

I won’t be around later to respond to posts, but would be interested in others’ thoughts.

I have NC for this as a tad embarrassed.

OP posts:
Original poster
SortyFomething · 14/12/2020 21:40

Yeahnahmum- thanks, good point about generation gap! We do get on well though. Shame about the age difference.

OP posts:
LunaNorth · 14/12/2020 21:43

I can get my head around this. I’m fortyishish and my eldest son is 22.

He’s endearingly ridiculous. A baby.

I’ve nothing against age gaps - DH is 15 years my senior and we’re very happy. But a 22 year old?

Nope.

SnackSizeRaisin · 14/12/2020 21:46

Imagine it was a 40 year old man lusting after a 22 year old woman...just be careful OP because it's a work situation and even if he is keen, it could all go very wrong and get you into a lot of trouble

nothingcomestonothing · 14/12/2020 22:20

My DB met his DW at work - he was in his teens, she was in her 30s, divorced with 2 DC, and technically his boss Shock They are still happily married nearly 20 years later.

Having said that, that scenario is the exception not the rule - you are likely to be so far apart culturally with such an age gap, I think couples like DB and DSIL are pretty rare in being on the same wavelength despite being at different life stages. Plus it'll be super awkward at work if it gets messy. I'd probably steer clear.

Original poster
SortyFomething · 15/12/2020 10:58

Thanks for the feedback.

OP posts:
laudete · 15/12/2020 11:06

Maybe he wants you to be his friend? There is no need to assume he might want to date you. I have friends who are older than me; I met some of them through jobs/work. He sounds like he could be a great buddy - friendly, chatty, cheers up your day... No need to read more into it.

NameChange84 · 15/12/2020 11:07

I was disgusted in myself the other to day to discover at 36 that Shawn Mendes is only 23 and I’ve had a little crush on him! I couldn’t imagine for a second he’d be interested in someone my age and I was grossed out at being attracted to such a young man myself.

It happens of course but I wouldn’t automatically assume he is interested in a relationship. Maybe you remind him of his Mum or a favourite teacher?

If it is something more, do be careful. It’s a new job, potentially there’s a power imbalance...could spell big trouble.

BaubleBubble · 15/12/2020 12:01

I think he probably sees you as an Aunty sort of figure, that he can safely be friendly with. Could be wrong of course!

He is probably too young to rule out having kids in the future, so it would probably all end in tears down the line anyway.

BaubleBubble · 15/12/2020 12:06

Sorry you said ‘over 40’ so might still be child-bearing age, I had older in my head at time of above comment, hope it did not offend.

thepeopleversuswork · 15/12/2020 12:08

Why on earth wouldn't he be? 40 is hardly over the hill...

On the other hand I wouldn't jump to any conclusions about it. He may well just be being friendly.

ProudAuntie76 · 15/12/2020 16:31

@thepeopleversuswork

Why on earth wouldn't he be? 40 is hardly over the hill...

On the other hand I wouldn't jump to any conclusions about it. He may well just be being friendly.

She may not be over the hill but she is double his age!

I think he’s probably just being helpful and friendly. None of his behaviour sounds like flirting to me.

nosswith · 15/12/2020 16:39

I think just being kind. This is not the French presidency or an episode of the Inbetweeners (though if you are as attractive as Belinda Stewart-Wilson I would not blame him).

2bazookas · 15/12/2020 17:03

He's probably taken a bet with colleagues, how long till he gets in your pants.

PicaK · 15/12/2020 17:11

Sounds like he fancies you but he'll be after a Mrs Robinson experience. It won't last.
As it's at work I'd give a wide berth. Unfair but your potential for humiliation much greater than his.
That said I wouldn't suggest you rule out shagging someone his age. Just join Tinder and be discreet. Grin

Yoshinori · 15/12/2020 17:24

Honestly he almost certainly doesn’t have a crush on you and likely sees you in a maternal sense.

Sure, you aren’t dead so even at 40 maybe there is something there. However, I’d be very careful at showing any signs you think he’s attractive. Very very careful.

AlternativePerspective · 15/12/2020 17:29

Why on earth wouldn't he be? 40 is hardly over the hill... it is when you’re 22...

JacobReesMogadishu · 15/12/2020 17:35

He’s either being friendly or he wants a shag would be my guess.

A female friend of mine is in her early 50s and on tinder. She’s overrun with guys in their 20s wanting a bit of fun. She’s having the time of her life but I don’t think any of them are looking for a relationship with her.

ChestnutStuffing · 15/12/2020 17:39

Maybe OP - I dated a man older than that at 22. But I wouldn't change what you do anyway, it's probably better not to pursue it at work.

CrazyToast · 15/12/2020 17:58

Don't listen to any negative nancies.

I am here to tell you, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that men in their 20s very very often fancy older women. It is soooo common but oddly hush hush.

My 52 year old friend has young ones after her all the time and so do I. Society says 'older' women are not hot but the reality is, plenty of guys find older women hot.

It is perfectly possible he fancies you, and if you fancy him, get on it love! Why the hell not.

A relationship might be more doubtful as he is likely to be immature and your lives are in very different places, but a bit of flirting dating and sex is harmless fun.

Wheresmykimchi · 15/12/2020 17:59

@SnackSizeRaisin

Imagine it was a 40 year old man lusting after a 22 year old woman...just be careful OP because it's a work situation and even if he is keen, it could all go very wrong and get you into a lot of trouble
Happens all the time. All the time.
Wheresmykimchi · 15/12/2020 18:00

@2bazookas

He's probably taken a bet with colleagues, how long till he gets in your pants.
I see that all the time on here , but in real life Ive honestly never seen anything like it.
CordeliaCroft · 15/12/2020 18:02

He probably sees you as a mother figure. At 22, 40 is ancient.

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