Should you be the one to comfort baby daughter when she hurts herself ?

[opionionsplease]

Weird question. Totally irrelevant in the grand scheme of life, I'm just curious what other mummy's think.

My baby girl (11 months) fell off her little car thing today. It looked pretty bad and I was horrified and rushed to pick her up. My mother in law runs over and tries to pry my baby form my arms. I literally had to struggle to hold onto her and then walk away with her. That's not the first time something like this has happened. Is it normal that I think I should be the one to pick my baby up if I'm right there especially when she hurts herself ?

It’s controlling behaviour from MiL, but unfortunately quite common. I guess some MiL try to “ relive” that special time of their life through their daughters child. It’s okay to an extent but the key being “to an extent”. If it was a man (other than perhaps the father) grabbing a child off the mum, people would be throwing a fit.

If she’s taking her from you as part of the ‘rescue/comfort’ then that consciously or unconsciously groups you as part of the danger/incident. speak to her, explain that you are enough. If it’s just that she’s bossy and ‘knows best’ then be really firm. Short definite sentences with little detail. If there’s more to it u might find that she wasn’t ‘rescued’ by a parental figure or was the older sister who was given parental duties or even can’t bear a child crying. There’s usually a very good reason for behavior. That doesn’t mean accept it just find a different way that makes her feel important. Again I’d shes just insensitive or plain disregarding then this doesn’t happen again !! Your husband doesn’t need to sort it out. Just use your words. Wish you well

My MIL wouldn't do this but if she did I would say the toned down version of what the fuck do you think you are doing? Leave my poor baby alone fucks sake!
How does your DP feel? If he's on board he needs to tell his mum that what happened today is unacceptable and she is never to take your baby off you unless you ask her to.
If he's not on board you'll have to tell her.
That's just so weird and controlling.

@Cam77 yeah OMG she tries to relive it all the time. She even calls herself mum all the time. Like ' come to mum ' and then corrects herself. My father in law passed her the baby today and said ' go to mum ' lol.. I just left it. I won't say anything no way. It will just end in a huge fight. They'll never understand and just think I'm a monster. They already do because I have said a couple of things when they overstepped. I'll just say next time ' I wana keep her she's my baby' in a sweet / needy way. I think she'll get it like that. Rather than having a serous talk, that will escalate.

Whoever is closest can pick her up initially, but if she is still upset and is looking for mum (or dad) she should be handed over immediately. Babies that age seldom cry for long enough to need to hand them over to grandma for comforting - and it would be unlikely to help anyway unless they do a lot of the caring. Different to a newborn where they sometimes cry for hours and don't care who is holding them!

@LesleyA I love your insights. I think she's just bossy and wants to play mum in this case. But I'll consider the other options you've written down too.

Fuck that. Tell her off next time! Bigger and bolder then before as you state this isnt the first time!!! It isnt normal behavior and i would have lost my shit at her. If she happens to be next to her to pick her up ok. But i would still want her to hand me back the baby because i like to be the one holding my dc when they are upset.

So op. Grow a pair and put a stop to it! !!

Why doesn’t your DH ever say anything?

She would be getting a swift upper cut from me! 😂 no, but that is very odd. Tell her to stop and be firm.

My MiL has done this numerous times. And also calls herself mum often too. It drives me mental. So much so we cut back on visits. Now my little girl is 3 and she tries to discipline her and it totally oversteps the mark too. I wish I had of nipped it all in the bud at the start. It's a shit situation so I know what your going through.