To think it doesn't take 2 adults to take a 3yo for a haircut?

[NatashaAlianovaRomanova]

Bit of background - my mum is 63, she doesn't keep well, has mobility issues, high blood pressure, is diabetic & is currently undergoing tests trying to find out the cause of her constant vomiting & inability to keep food down - she'a dropped 2 dress sizes in the past month, I also think she's starting to go the same way as my grandmother who had dementia.

Yet my cousin, who lives next door, seems to think she's capable of looking after 3 year old twins - not for any particular reason just so that my cousin can get peace & quiet to do her housework, shopping etc - stuff we all just get on with with the kids in tow. She will actually call my mum from her own driveway to ask if mum will have the kids after nursery rather than take them into her own house first!

Yesterday my mum told me she's looking after one twin this week while my cousin & her husband take the other for a haircut because he doesn't like the hairdressers!

AIBU to think it doesn't take 2 adults to take a 3yo for a haircut & this is a complete pisstake?

It sounds like she is a cheeky fucker who is putting upon your mum.

However, it did take my friend and her husband 2 adults to take their son to the hairdressers as he had autism that affected him to the point where he would need ear defenders to leave the house most days. Once they had established a good rapport with a hairdressers that did autism friendly sessions, they stopped needing 2 adults.

However, the people I know with children who have SEN would never behave how your cousin is so I'm guessing there's no underlying issues there

Well, it took 2 of us to cut DS's hair at that age. We couldn't take him to a hairdresser at all because it made him so panicked. To get it done at home one of us had to hold him down while the other swept round the edges with barber's scissors.

Maybe your cousin should look for someone to cut the children's hair at home.

Your cousin sounds like she's really taking advantage from your description. Just in case - is there any chance your mum actually really wants to be involved and cousin is just letting her?

It does sound like your cousin is taking advantage generally however it can take 2 adults to manage a 3 year old who really doesn’t want to have their hair cut!

Does your mum want to help her or she just doesn't know how to say no?

Your mother's deterioration sounds quite serious to me. Your cousin might not appreciate or understand how ill she might be.

The vomiting, diabetes, dramatic weight loss is ringing a lot of alarm bells for me.

Cousin needs to back off and I hope your DM recovers soon.

No underlying issues - they've never been able to do anything with just one adult since the twins were born. If one has a night out the other needs a helper to do bath & bed.

My mum doesn't see the issue with it but the following day after having them she's in agony & unable to get out of bed.

I jave a neurological 5yo and at age 3 it definitely took both of us to get her hair cut...But on everything else she is taking the piss

Has your Mum complained about helping out?

I was quite seriously ill and having my GC tired me out, but at the same time they kept me going and gave me a reason to get myself washed/dressed etc. My Mum told the neighbours straight when they commented on her having my children in her early 70's.

But of she's asked you to step in on her behalf, then do so.

@heydoggee this is my main problem with it - my mum is actually quite unwell they are talking about surgery to get to the bottom of the issue. We've already had camera at both ends with nothing conclusive - the last 2 appointments at hospital they've refused to take her, one because she had pneumonia & the other due to a high temperature, just waiting on another appointment coming through.

It doesn’t matter whether it takes 2 adults or not. Your cousin needs to be told that your mum is ill and she is not to ask your mum for childcare until she is well again.

Agree with provincial above. Someone needs to tell them it’s not on.

Chancers.

Your cousins taking the piss, but it definitely could take 2 adults to get a 3 year old to have their hair cut

[quote NatashaAlianovaRomanova]@heydoggee this is my main problem with it - my mum is actually quite unwell they are talking about surgery to get to the bottom of the issue. We've already had camera at both ends with nothing conclusive - the last 2 appointments at hospital they've refused to take her, one because she had pneumonia & the other due to a high temperature, just waiting on another appointment coming through.[/quote]
Have you talked to your mum and gently suggest she's taking too much on and she should say no or say she's ill at least once in a while and never offer to have them.

On the other side is your cousin aware of how ill and how much your mum is struggling? Can you send her a message letting her know how much having the kids affects her even if she loves having them and maybe suggest a break at least for a while?

Rest of the shit aside. It absolutely could take two adults to cut some 3 year olds hair. Two adults and copious amounts of milky ways from memory.

They are probably unaware of your Mums health issues. Tell them.

@AccidentallyOnPurpose I've tried, my eldest DD (who lives with mum to provide support), & mums best friend have all tried speaking to my mum but she won't say no as the kids will scream the place down if they're told they can't go to my mums house - it's ridiculous.

I'm also surprised at the amount of people saying 2 adults to take a NT 3yo for a haircut is reasonable, her husband is actually taking a day off work for this... 3DC's & I'd never have considered this reasonable & DS hated the hairdressers.

[quote NatashaAlianovaRomanova]@AccidentallyOnPurpose I've tried, my eldest DD (who lives with mum to provide support), & mums best friend have all tried speaking to my mum but she won't say no as the kids will scream the place down if they're told they can't go to my mums house - it's ridiculous.

I'm also surprised at the amount of people saying 2 adults to take a NT 3yo for a haircut is reasonable, her husband is actually taking a day off work for this... 3DC's & I'd never have considered this reasonable & DS hated the hairdressers. [/quote]
Then you need to go over her head with your cousin and explain to her exactly what's what and how looking after the kids is making your mum even more poorly. She won't be able to help at all if God forbid she crashes or dies.

Lots of things my own parents do aren’t in the best interests regarding their health but they do them anyway because they want to. Maybe your mum likes to feel needed. Don’t be hard on yourself if you can’t persuade her to stop helping with the children.

YANBU.

On a complete aside, I cut my 3 yo's hair at home even before Covid since there's no way he'd tolerate the hairdresser. He used to absolutely hate it, but now sometimes tolerates it as he gets a chocolate button for each snip. We go for the "shaggy dog" style since I have no hairdressing experience - literally hack vertically with scissors until sufficient hair has been removed. Quite often it takes 3-4 days to complete the haircut - we do back one day, sides the next, then fringe and finally general tidy up. He looks a bit odd while the haircut is in progress.

It sounds like they may be taking advantage. Though Dsis has twins, apart from taking them to nursery/school and the local shop, she never took them anywhere without another adult until they were about 6. I alwaya went to the hairdresser's with them, it was a nightmare.

I'm struggling to see how it's your business though. Your mum is an adult who can say no. Your cousin is entitled to ask her aunt if she wants to.

Until your mum lacks capacity to make the decision, I think you have to just let them do what they want between themselves.

[quote NatashaAlianovaRomanova]@AccidentallyOnPurpose I've tried, my eldest DD (who lives with mum to provide support), & mums best friend have all tried speaking to my mum but she won't say no as the kids will scream the place down if they're told they can't go to my mums house - it's ridiculous.

I'm also surprised at the amount of people saying 2 adults to take a NT 3yo for a haircut is reasonable, her husband is actually taking a day off work for this... 3DC's & I'd never have considered this reasonable & DS hated the hairdressers. [/quote]
How old is your DD who acts as a carer to her gran? I personally think that a bigger problem than your mum deciding she wants to help a family member.

@liveitwell DD will be 21 in February- she doesn't act as a carer - after my stepfather passed away my mum found it difficult to be on her own so DD spent a lot of time there (they've always been close) & at the time I lived rurally so when it came time for DD to go to college it made sense for her to be there on a more permanent basis.

& it's my business because I'm the one that has to deal with the fallout when my mother is ill - it's me taking time off work for hospital appointments, arranging my day so that I can make sure mum takes her medication, & it's DD or me left to clean up after 2 toddlers on an almost daily basis.