Who is been unreasonable regarding colleague?

[user897324]

One of our team has been off work since March, just before lockdown. She had an operation and was due back in May. Every so often she will come into the shop (work in retail) to see us and every time colleagues comment on how well she looks and how she is milking it.
She came in last week when we extremely busy and a few colleagues got quite nasty about her visit once she had left. I feel sorry for her, she hopes to return soon and they have already made comments that they won't be going out of their way to help her when she returns.
Who is BU them or me?

Who knows? Only she will know if she's milking it or not. Dies she have form for taking time off when she could be in work?

I'm the absence of not having concrete evidence, I think your colleagues are being nasty.

She is really i mean well enough to shop but not to come back homework this side of Christmas

Your colleagues are stressed working hard and she (unintentionally hopefully) is actively coming in and rubbing their noses in it

I suppose it depends on why she's been off so long. If it was due to an op in may, it seems strange that someone would be off for so long to recover unless there is also mental health issues

Of course you can be well enough to pop in and visit a shop and not be well enough to be standing for hours behind a till or bending and lifting stacking shelves or chasing around after a customer. Have a heart.

I can understand why people are resentful that she isn’t back, when she seems well, and it’s six months since she was due back. I’m guessing you haven’t had any explanation for the delayed return, even if it’s a general statement (not expecting medical details etc). To say they won’t help her is a bit mean though.

Going into a shop for shopping is much different than working for 8 hours or more?
People shouldn’t speculate it’s none of their business, maybe she doesn’t see many people and wants to speak to familiar faces, I’m sure if she knew how her colleagues felt she’d be very upset and not want to return.

It’s no ones business what her op was for, however I find unless it’s serious people have very little sympathy for others. I’ve been off since November with severe GI issues had scans and going for colonoscopy next week I’m a nurse and I feel bloody guilty being off at this time of year and over Christmas.
But you know what, I’m not ‘faking’ it or milking it or whatever else I am genuinely ill and I wouldn’t be able to do 11.5 hour shifts for now. Am hoping my camera test is ok and things can go from there but who knows and at the end of the day people need to look after their health to be able to work and be there for their families. Is your manager aware?

Why has she been off so long OP?

She is being a bit insensitive by coming in all the time tbh. I would be of the same opinion as your colleagues.

Why isnt she back at work yet if she was meant to be back in May?

Is she on sick pay or furlough?m

DP has terminal cancer and is off work at the moment, in Oct he had surgery that removed a fair chunk of his pancreas, some of his stomach, his bile ducts and his duodenum, he had some 35 staples holding his stomach together. At the moment he looks bloody well for a dying man, I hope his colleagues are less judgemental than some of your colleagues.

Those co-workers sound horrible, I feel sorry for the poor woman. Calling in to say hello is nothing like doing a full day’s work,

Your colleagues are most unpleasant and judgemental. Unless they are privy to confidential medical information, no-one, apart from the woman herself knows why she hasn't returned to work.

People can be so nasty, but her popping in isn't helping. Could you give her the heads up?

if she doesn't keep in touch they'll only whinge about that. Given how low sick pay is in the UK who would stay off that long?

Your colleagues sound horrible. Maybe she keeps coming in to bring in a fit note or to try and build up her confidence after such a long time off sick.

I'd judge op. One of my colleagues has been off since March as ECV but has managed to fit in 2 European holidays (you know, travelling on a bug-ridden plane for 3 hours) since the first lockdown lifted. Rest of us busting a gut to keep on top of the work whilst he's still getting paid, although not full salary.

YANBU. You can’t tell someone’s health by them nipping into work to say hello every so often and anyone who thinks they can is simply jealous.

@Ffsffsffsffsffs

I'd judge op. One of my colleagues has been off since March as ECV but has managed to fit in 2 European holidays (you know, travelling on a bug-ridden plane for 3 hours) since the first lockdown lifted. Rest of us busting a gut to keep on top of the work whilst he's still getting paid, although not full salary.

Going on holiday does not mean that you can go back to work. They’re two separate things.

She's off for whatever reasons. She obviously has a medical note and your managers should know all the details and reasons and whether she's milking it or not. Just because someone LOOKS well ,doesn't mean they ARE well. I have a lot of sympathy for her.

However I have a lot of sympathy for your colleagues too, if they're overworked,stressed out and picking up her slack. Ofc they'll be grumbling if she keeps coming in, and they have to entertain her while rushed off their feet. She's being very oblivious to their struggles by popping in,especially at busy times.

They're both in the right and they're both in the wrong.

@slipperywhensparticus

She is really i mean well enough to shop but not to come back homework this side of Christmas

Your colleagues are stressed working hard and she (unintentionally hopefully) is actively coming in and rubbing their noses in it

Popping into a few shops and working full retail shifts are not remotely comparable.

Yanbu. And as others have mentioned, your colleagues aren't necessarily wrong for feeling put out by her visits, especially if they coincide with very busy, stressful times of the day. To some people, being off work means just that and they don't understand a need for social visits, especially if someone is too sick to work, AND during a pandemic.

But they ARE wrong in being nasty about it, there's no need for that. I would be mildly annoyed, but give her the benefit of the doubt. It sounds like she is just trying to keep in contact and doesn't realize she's causing herself some trouble.

@LoveMyKidsAndCats

Why has she been off so long OP?

All we have been told is that her recovery is taking longer than expected.

She shouldn't be visiting the shop knowing that there are people who are working hard and busy. What for? It's clear that her presence is just teasing everyone who's stressed enough, why do it? Does she genuinely need being there? I sympathise with health issues, but her colleagues don't probably know her full medical history and they find it hard to understand why glowing her is not at work still.

@bloodywhitecat

DP has terminal cancer and is off work at the moment, in Oct he had surgery that removed a fair chunk of his pancreas, some of his stomach, his bile ducts and his duodenum, he had some 35 staples holding his stomach together. At the moment he looks bloody well for a dying man, I hope his colleagues are less judgemental than some of your colleagues.

I think you are all BU for gossiping nastily about her and assuming you know better than a doctor who has the expertise, experience and training to make an assessment and has full access to her medical records.

@emilyfrost ecv means extremely clinically vulnerable and people who are deemed ecv are at very high risk of severe complications from covid. If a person is not working due to being ecv then they definitely shouldn't be getting on multiple flights for holidays. It's really taking the piss.