AIBU or is my Mum?

[Bridecilla]

We're generally close - they used to pick ds up a couple of times a week, stay for dinner etc. They live 2 minutes up the road. I love them dearly.

They're both 71 - in good health. Since Covid though all I've seen is selfishness from Mum and it's really shocked me.

Every time we speak she goes on about the young folks not following the rules, how the youngsters are forcing numbers up etc but..

we've had words time and again about her dragging round the shops multiple times a week just for a browse. Every time she says 'I know, I've been stupid - I'm going to stop'

She sees friends 3 x a week. They're all older than her, one with COPD and one with diabetes. They hug, link arms, sit together on the bus...

She rang me yesterday and went on about the youngsters again... then started telling me her and her pals had been an hour away on the bus to a shopping place. How awful it was, that it was busy and that shouldn't be allowed

I said "I'm going now because I don't want to fall out over your selfishness again" said "bye, love you" and hung up.

My dad says she's "not speaking to me because I'm mean and she can do what she wants at her age and that I'm ruining her life"

We've always walked on eggshells as she's highly strung, gets upset easily and cries for days. I feel for Dad and I know he'd quite like me to ring and apologise

I don't fucking want to though. DPs Dad is ECV and, other than work we've been nowhere so dp can do his shopping etc.

My 8 year old has missed out on so much this year but she thinks she's entitled to her 4x a week drag round the shit shops.

YABU - phone and apologise
YANBU - Leave her to stew

Next time she brings up the "youngsters" tell her how hypocritical she and her friends are being. If youngsters shouldn't be doing it then neither should she. When your father calls and enables her telling you to apologize tell him you will as soon as she stops being a hypocrit

I've never done one of these before but I'm quite steamed at her on your behalf. YANBU. She has no self reflection, seems not very bright and not quite got a grip on her responsibility to her ECV husband at the very least and her friends. Sure, she's a grown up with choices but hypocritical to complain when others take chances!
Yes leave her to stew 'til she owns up to the truth which is that she is selfishly taking chances. (Which seems like it won't be soon). But do keep talking to your dad directly about his health and interests - he'll be stressed by this too. Keep it light and don't talk about her or to her. Her big speaking to you comes under the category of "don't threaten me with a good time".

I do - i work with young people (so we're at risk enough as it is) and they're not as bad as her.

It's the sheer sense if entitlement. Everyone is missing stuff but she can't forgo her drags round wilko and the £1 shop

*not speaking for "big speaking"

Start telling her about how fed up you and the young people you work with are with the "oldies" who are constantly mixing/ignoring the rules and pushing the rates up....

sorry, my dad is fine. My lovely father in law is ECV

Sounds like the people on the news in the summer, at the beach, complaining to the reporters that it's so busy and it's not right everyone is out there, then reveal they've drove 2 hours to get there so aren't exactly local themselves.

YANBU I'd let her stew a while longer, don't apologise, but when you do talk again and this kind of chat happens just clearly say she's being hypocritical and you don't want to hear her moans about younger people. Tell her to tell you dad all about it

I'd probably call whenever you would normally and not mention it. Of she starts again on the youngsters ask her what about the old people dawdling round the shops , what about when she's hugging and kissing her friends. I wouldn't avoid it, I'd ask outright

AIBU to not tell my mum?: So my parents split a couple of years ago and my dad has since moved on with another woman, they have been door locks with cameras......

Wrong thread @maxxys?

She's sounds like a lot of oldies when they get past a certain age. Thankfully my mum is 90 and can't go out, if she did she'd be just like your mum 😁

A agree with others above, just carry on as per normal and when she mentions "the youngsters" again, point it out to her every single time 😁

I hate falling out with her but I'm so angry - a close friend has Covid and he's been admitted to hospital over the weekend which is aggravating my feelings too.

She uses to be a HCA, she laid out a woman who died of a highly contagious disease years ago and had to wear a hazmat suit to do it. I remember her crying afterwards.

She's just so selfish.